“This Can Be Civil”

Another entry that was written a few months ago.  He has now been court ordered to pay temporary support so he doesn’t get to “decide” how much to give me.

Words to live by, huh?  This is what the lying, cheating douchebag of a soon to be ex (STBX) says to me after letting me know he doesn’t have money to pay his half of the household bills (and after informing me that he shouldn’t have to pay a cent for my cell phone.  Hey, let’s give him a break; he’s paying for his whore’s and her daughter’s cell phones so he really can’t afford to keep supporting his actual WIFE.)

This can be civil?  First, let me ask you what your definition of civil is because in my eyes I have been nothing but civil.  I haven’t screamed, yelled, ranted and raved, cried hysterically, begged you to take me back, blown up your phone with text messages or phone calls while you’re away every weekend with your whore and her kids, or encouraged our kids to do the same.  I haven’t bashed your head or testicles with a baseball bat while you’re sleeping, screamed obscenities at you, keyed your car or rented billboards to advertise your cheating with your whore of a cousin all over your home state, particularly in the towns you frequent.  I haven’t thrown all your possessions onto the lawn, or thrown them away, burned them, ripped them up or in any way trashed them.  I haven’t sold them online or donated them to Goodwill. For the love of all that’s holy I haven’t even thrown you out of the house!  You still have full access even though you don’t think you should have to pay half of the bills.  And when you banished your own self to a motel room for ONE WHOLE NIGHT in an astounding display of self pity I allowed you to move into the guest bedroom and told you I thought that was a wise decision.  I haven’t shown up at your place of employment with all your belongings and dumped them in the parking lot with a huge sign that reads:  I moved my entire family here one year ago and now I’m leaving them for my cousin!  I haven’t written the same on your car windows while you were inside either. And I haven’t shown up there and thrown an absolute fit about your abhorrent behavior.  I haven’t called your boss and informed him that you’re having an affair and all that vacation time isn’t being spent with family (oops, I guess it is actually!) but with another woman, a woman you’re leaving your wife of 20 years for.  I haven’t let him in on the fact that you’re interviewing for other jobs to get closer to your tramp.  I haven’t let the higher ups know that either.  I wonder what they would say after all that campaigning you did to get this plant…  Do you think you would remain the golden boy or would you be tarnished and dirty once they realized it was all a ploy to get near your cousin so you could start up another affair with her?  I haven’t let any of them know that you used your corporate card to conduct your affair so that I wouldn’t know what all was going on.  Or that you are using the company discount (if indeed there is a company discount and that wasn’t just another bullshit story told to me to cover your tracks) and your corporate card to pay her cell phone bill.  I could so easily start attending church where your boss does; he’s invited me several times, you know.  But I haven’t. I haven’t trashed you in front of our kids.  I haven’t told them how you’re interviewing for jobs in other states so you can get closer to your girlfriend.  I haven’t told them about the deposit you put down on a dog for kids that aren’t yours.  I haven’t told them your cousin is wearing a shiny new diamond ring despite the fact that you’re not even close to being divorced. Hell, the words, “Your dad loves you very much,” and “He did things with us as a family; don’t you remember our last two vacations together?” have actually passed through my lips.  So all in all I think I’ve been very civil. In fact, I’ve been told by many, many people that I’ve been TOO civil.

What have you done to be civil?  Make small talk?  Act like you care whether I live or die?  Make sure we continue to keep our standard of living?  Hell, have you even apologized for your inexcusable, boorish behavior and assured me that you’ll give me a more than generous divorce settlement?  Oh no, you started screwing your cousin and siphoned off thousands of dollars to give to her and her kids. From OUR account!  You opened a new account that I knew nothing about and cashed in the rest of your stock.  Then when you were discovered you started depositing the majority of your paycheck into said account, leaving me not even enough to pay the bills, much less buy food for your children.  Let’s not even get started on buying anything fun for them, or buying toilet paper or dog food, or any of those other pesky necessities that I so carelessly spent all “your” money on. The best part though? Or perhaps I should say the most civil? That must have been when you told me you were not going to let me continue to steal every dime you make!  And, hey, where do you live right now?  Oh, that’s right.  As discussed above you’re still living in the marital home (although you slink off every weekend with nary a word to me or your children to go fuck your whore) and yet you don’t think you should have to pay your half of the household bills.  You give me what your attorney told you you would be paying and you expect me to pay all the bills and take care of all of the kids’ and pets’ needs, while you take the rest of your check and blow it on the gold digging bimbo and her kids that talk about you behind your back.

That’s not even bringing up all the bullshit you’ve subjected our kids to!  Do you think it’s civil to not have a conversation with your daughter in over 3 months?  Do you think it’s civil to tell your son, in the one conversation you’ve had with him in 3 months, that you’re not going to deny you have a girlfriend but you’ve been very unhappy for years?  In fact, according to him, you told him we hadn’t had a happy marriage in a long time (LIE!) and that once we had kids we started to drift apart.  Are you fucking kidding me?  Do you even realize what you’ve just told him?  You’ve affirmed every kid’s worst nightmare that it WAS their fault.  Hey, if you hadn’t been born your mom and I might still be happily married.  Nice job!  Where do I send your nomination for Father of the Year?  I think my favorite part though was when you told him I took a lot of money from “your” account.  First of all, it was a joint account and everything you have is 50% mine.  Second, you forgot to mention the part where I switched it over to another account (one we’d had for years and that you knew about!) because YOU WERE GIVING ALL OF OUR MONEY TO YOUR WHORE!  When your daughter texts you to tell you that it’s very distressing seeing your mistress posting all over social media about how much she misses you being in her bed (wow- civil and classy!) did you apologize for your whore’s horrible behavior?  No!  You basically accused your daughter of lying or accused me of making shit up.  And turned it all around to how YOU are a victim.  You’re not welcome in the home even though you pay all the bills.  You starve while we eat.  Thankfully your smart daughter called you out on all your bullshit.  She even sent you a screenshot of the whore’s post.  Did you apologize then?  Oh hell no!  You simply told her you weren’t lying when you said she hadn’t done anything of the sort because you hadn’t seen that.  Do you want to take a guess as to how civil your whore was?  I’m guessing you must have told her what your daughter found because instead of writing a note of apology, letting her know how sorry she is for her sorry ass behavior, she does what she normally does and she blocks her.  I don’t think that’s very civil; do you?

But here’s the most pertinent question: How does being civil benefit ME?  What’s being civil going to get ME?  Does being civil mean that you’re going to help me keep this house so your kids don’t have to move again? Or does it simply give you an opportunity to tell everyone, “Look!  I’m not that bad of a guy.  Sam doesn’t hate me.  We’re civil!”?  Does being civil mean that you’ll work with me so that I don’t have to try to refinance the house and the kids can remain in their home until they graduate?  Or does it just let you off the hook for being the shit you are?  Does being civil mean that you’re going to pay the vet bill when it’s time for your daughter’s cats to be spayed and neutered?  Or does it simply mean you don’t have to worry that I’ll tell people how you’re fucking your cousin?  FYI:  I always make sure to include that tidbit.  It’s the best part of the story.  Does being civil mean that if the furnace goes out over the winter or the A/C goes out next summer that you’re going to help replace it?  Or does it mean you don’t have to feel guilty about firebombing our lives?  Does being civil mean that if I’m running low on money you’ll step in and help me out?  Or does it mean you can now tell everyone, “See, it really was for the best!  We just weren’t good for each other, but now we have a new relationship based upon being happy for one another in our new lives!”?  Does being civil mean that you’ll finally start paying your share of the household bills and marital debt instead of blowing all your money on your white trash whore and her kids?  Or does it mean you can feel better about what you did if I’m all smiles and giggles every time you’re around?  Hell, does being civil mean that you finally man up, stop throwing me under the bus, and own up to your own churlish behavior?  Or does it mean I bring you your dinner and do your laundry all week long while you run off and fuck a whore every weekend?  Does being civil even mean that you step up to the goddamn plate just once and be a father to your children who are SCREAMING at you to get you to pay attention to them?  Or does being civil mean I accept the fact that now you are lavishing all that time and attention (that you could never muster up for our kids) and spending hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars every month on kids that aren’t yours because you want to impress them and their gold digging mommy?  I’m sure being civil means I then turn around and put a nice little spin on that for your actual kids.   I’m just curious as to what being civil gains me because as far as I can tell “being civil” just means I’m supposed to bend over, grab my ankles and take it any way you want to give it to me.