I’m going to try something different today. Instead of talking about the mistake I call STBX/CF I’m going to give a brief update on my life. I wouldn’t want people to think my whole life consists of writing scathing but witty reviews of my life with CF. I do have a life outside of that! Not much of one, but a tiny glimmer of one.
Life here in BFE is a little slow. It’s been an adjustment. Way back in time after what would have been our second move I remember talking to the man who was shampooing my carpets. He said that he used to move around a lot and that his boss had told him the best piece of advice he could give him was to lay down roots no matter how long you were going to be in a city. This is like, 1998 advice, and I’m still doing my best to live by it. Only thing is here in BFE it’s a little hard to find a way to lay down roots. There don’t seem to be a lot of volunteer opportunities and things I did in our last town I can’t seem to do here.
Anybody else out there move around a lot? I don’t want it to sound like we were moving every year or two, but over the course of twenty plus years we moved five times. Our first six years of marriage we moved 3 times and lived in 3 different states (and moved back to one of those states). We met and married in one state, moved to another state a year later, moved again 2 1/2 years later to yet another state, and then after another 2 1/2 years we moved back to State #2, which I refer to as XXX. We spent 6 years there and then spent 8 years in State #4, also referred to as YYY. And now we are here in State #5. Anyway, I don’t know why this is but it seems like every time we move I have to reinvent my life. In State #3 we had a large group of friends and we were very social. There seemed to be a lot of transplants so that helped. If everyone has moved into the area from somewhere else you aren’t trying to break into a group that has been together for twenty plus years. There just seems to be more of a camaraderie. In State #2 we didn’t socialize as much. I had a small group of friends that I had met on the Internet and who were from my area and once everyone either moved or got jobs or went back to school I looked to other outlets. I became active in church, active in 2 MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) programs and during the last year and a half that we were there, got involved in my daughter’s school and my son’s preschool. When we moved to State #4 I figured, “No problem! I’ll find a church, join a MOPS group, volunteer at the school and preschool. Piece of cake.” I never did find a regular church, there were no MOPS groups to speak of, and preschool was a disaster! I did, however, volunteer at the school and eventually joined the PTA. I loved it and I was good at it. I loved volunteering at the Book Fair. I loved doing Teacher Appreciation. I was either co-President, President, or President-Elect at the elementary school for four years straight! When my daughter went to middle school I joined the PTA there. I eventually got into the council PTA and then the Region PTA. I discovered Bunko and loved it even though I rarely won. I had a wonderful group of friends from the gym. I had a wonderful group of friends from my neighborhood, many of them moms of my kids’ friends. So when we moved to State #5 I just naturally assumed I would jump headfirst into volunteering at the schools and I would get involved with PTA. Eh, not so much around here. The first year was primarily a disaster for me. It has taken some time to get my bearings. And then just as I thought I was doing exactly that, well… CF had a surprise in store for me. But unlike his whore I don’t remain on my knees for long. Oh, snap!
The kids and I have been church shopping. One of our resolutions for the New Year was to begin attending church. Yes, I know I said I was raising an agnostic and an atheist but the agnostic is wanting to go to church. I guess she feels better believing there is something out there, something bigger than us. The atheist… well, I’m not completely sure he’s an atheist. I think he just doesn’t want to go to church. He would like to refrain from showering all weekend long if at all possible. Plus he says: Religion is always against something. After trying to explain to him that that’s not always the case and him arguing it I finally just told him to suck it up and that after all I do for him during the week he can give me one damn hour. That seems to have worked.
We decided we would visit 3-5 churches and then go to each one 3-4 times before we settled on one. We also decided to rotate instead of going to one church four times and then moving on. Today was Week #3.
We have actually had some pretty good experiences. We met some friends after going to Church #1. Not- hey, we made friends! But rather, we saw some friends there. They invited us over to their house for soup, salad and sandwiches. We ended up hanging out and talking for almost 3 hours and as we headed back to the car the atheist says to me, “If we continue to go to that church we should make that a weekly tradition.” The agnostic declared that she really liked that particular church although the atheist thought it was “too churchy”. Bonus: We got to take communion.
The second week the agnostic actually was willing to forego a sleepover in order to go to church on Sunday. Instead, I told her I would just pick her up, we could go to church, and then I would drop her back off with her friends and they could go on with their afternoon plans. Her friends ended up coming with us. We tried Church #2 and ended up all walking out of there with a very nice first time visitor gift- a Dunkin’ Donuts gift card! I am a fan of donuts. The agnostic likes donuts but was not a huge fan of the church; she thought it was weird. The atheist, however, did like it. He said it was much more relaxed. Plus, we got to partake in communion again. I was not a fan of dipping the bread into the wine (or juice, as the case was) but I did like their loaf bread and the fact that we each got to pull a piece from it. Maybe it’s because Christ speaks of His body being broken and the loaf being pulled to pieces conveys that image better than the hard small wafers, or whatever they were at the first church.
Today we went to yet another church and this one was one that one of my daughter’s friends goes to. How many times can I use the word “one” in one sentence??? The atheist’s vote is still out; he stayed up all night playing video games so he fell asleep during the service. The agnostic loved it. She would like to go again. Afterwards we went to lunch with our friends.
Besides church shopping, I’ve actually had a few things to do this last week. Last Saturday I was at a high school gymnastics meet. My rock star kid did great, even up against Level 10s. It was a very long day because the meet was two hours away and since it was an invitational there were around 15 teams there so it was a very long meet! We ended up eating dinner at The Cheesecake Factory though so it was all well worth it. Monday I got a crown. Not the shiny tiara that you wear on your head but rather the kind you get once the dentist has numbed your mouth and drilled your tooth. That was fun! Truthfully, it wasn’t as bad as I feared. And then I had a civic association meeting at my house that night. Friday I had the privilege of completing my state mandated parenting class. I’m one of those fortunate people who lives in a state that requires such a class when you have a contested divorce. Bonus: CF was there! That was a hoot, let me tell ya. Yesterday I spent a huge portion of the day at yet another high school gymnastics meet. I am pleased to announce my rock star daughter once again did very well.
As far as the week goes… well, Wednesday I am meeting one of my dear friends for lunch and shopping. She is truly one of a kind. The best part though? She is someone I met when lived in YYY state. She had moved there and contacted me about volunteering in PTA. We talked and hit it off and became fast friends. Less than a year after I moved over 2000 miles away she called me up to announce that her husband had got a job in my new state! How many people can say they grew up hundreds of miles apart, lived hundreds of miles apart for decades without knowing the other existed, and then serendipitously meet and become fast friends only to have one of them move a huge distance, leaving the other to think they’ll never see one another again, only to then turn around and move so that you’re less than 3 hours apart? I know she reads this blog and I want to give her a huge shout out! You are one of my best friends and I’m so thankful you are here for me! I can’t imagine having to go through this without you around.
Saturday I have yet another gymnastics meet to go to and will be meeting an old friend from high school for lunch afterwards. Yes, it is truly amazing how I end up having multiple connections here. Unfortunately, both of these friends live over two hours from me so I don’t get to see them all that often. Still… it’s nice knowing they’re both out there and it is definitely better than being 10 or 12 or 30 hours away!
There is a PTA meeting at the middle school on Tuesday and I am mulling over the possibility of going to that. I was fully intending on joining up this summer and taking on a role but then the rug got pulled out from under me and I had no idea where I was going to end up so I pulled back.
I’m also debating putting in a call to the Booster Club at the high school. That was another thing that sounded interesting at the beginning of the school year but again… where was I going to be living? Would I have to get a full time job? Who knew what life was going to be like?
The friend I went to lunch with today told me they are going to be adding on new jobs at the high school so that’s a possibility.
And the church we attended today has a ton of outreach programs. I’m not sure that anything really fits me perfectly but there are a few things that I could possibly try.
I’m also debating the merits of joining a gym. That wouldn’t be so much to meet people but more so that I can get out of the house and continue to lose weight. I lost around 25 pounds on the divorce diet and I have managed to stay anywhere between 20 and 25 pounds down but I think the Christmas holiday eating has helped some of that weight creep back on. I’d like to look stunning the day my divorce is final.
Finally, I invited another friend to go to two different wine tasting festivals with me. I just received an activities brochure from our county the other day and as I was looking through it I noticed some wine tastings and also a class where you get to paint your own wineglass. I think we’re going to do all three- the two tastings and the class.
That’s my update. Trying to lay down roots, get involved, get out of the house.