I AM Mighty, Dammit!

 

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I told you I’d get my head out of my ass.  Some days you have to roll in the mud, get all filthy, and then stand up and clean yourself off.  Some days you have to wallow in the sorrow before you can tackle the problems head on.  Hello, today!

Even though I’ve spent the weekend not feeling mighty the fact remains that I am.  I AM MIGHTY!  Let me list the ways…

  1. I did manage to change the damn vacuum belt.  Like I said yesterday, that was a task I always handed over to CF.  But he wasn’t around and I figured it out.  Just like I’ll repair the face of our drawer that fell off.  Just like I’ll figure out how to replace the screen door on our porch (with one that the dogs *won’t* ram their heads through thereby ruining the screening).  Just like I’ll end up cleaning up the backyard and making it look decent.  All without him.  Why?  Because I don’t need him.
  2. I have gotten up out of bed every day.  I’ve made breakfast for my kids.  I’ve done laundry.  I’ve cleaned house.  I’ve taken care of dogs and cats.  I’ve switched out my summer decorations for my Halloween decorations and switched those out for Thanksgiving decorations and switched those out for Christmas decorations and switched those out for my January snowmen decorations and finally, just today, I switched those out for my Valentine’s Day decorations.  And you know what?  Next month I’m going to put out my St. Patrick’s Day decorations, along with my Easter decorations.  And in May I’ll put out my spring decorations and then once again I’ll be back with my summer/beach decorations.  I’ve been here day after day, taking care of business while he’s been off playing, pretending he’s a child free bachelor living in a freaking hotel!
  3. While he’s been off spending every dime on his whore and her kids I’ve been making sure the bills get paid, the kids are fed, and that they have what they need.  He has ONE bill he has to pay- his American Express card.  He is regularly late on that.  His property tax for his car was over a month late. I’m dealing with my marriage of more than 20 years imploding and my husband’s affair while managing to keep everything running and not letting our credit scores take a hit; he’s, well… he’s not.  I guess he’s too busy screwing his cousin to manage to get anything else done.
  4. I got through the holidays without him.  It wasn’t even that difficult.  When I checked in with the kids to see how they had fared they told me they enjoyed the holidays because they didn’t have to deal with their dad and his depressing behavior.
  5. I have raised two kickass children so far, and even Cousinfucker himself has admitted it was all my doing.  They’re polite.  They’re kind.  They get good grades.  They have both stayed out of any major trouble so far.  They’re funny.  Of course, I will also credit my kids; I fully believe that as parents we can only do so much and the rest is on them and their personality.  But the main gist of the story is he has had nothing to do with how they’ve turned out.  I’ve been the one there for them.  They will tell you that.  And while it’s nothing new for me to take them on vacation or out to eat or to work out the logistics of how to get one kid here and another kid there… I’ve still done it and I’m still doing it.  It may not be a new accomplishment but it is something I’m doing and I do it well.
  6. It took me eight days to file for divorce once I found out what he was doing.  EIGHT DAYS!  Not a record, I’m sure.  Nonetheless, I’m proud of myself.  In the span of six days I found out he was cheating, he was giving her money, he had bought her and her daughter new phones and was paying their cell phone bill, he had cashed in the remaining stock and transferred it to a separate account, and he was interviewing for another job out of state.  I would have filed in six days but I couldn’t get ahold of the lawyer until Day 7 and he couldn’t get me in until Day 8.  I acted decisively after weighing my options.  I didn’t beg.  I didn’t plead.  And I was smart enough to transfer money into a separate account before I let on that I knew.  Which brings me to…
  7. I do realize that I’m in a much better position than a lot of women are when this goes down, especially if they’ve been a stay at home mom.  I was lucky.  We had just cashed in quite a bit of stock to pay the remaining balance on the pool.  If that hadn’t happened I would have been completely at his mercy because the money left over in savings from his bonus at the beginning of the year would not have kept us afloat for long.  And I’m equally fortunate that I have a mother who is willing to let me move in with her, welcomes it even.  I’m sure it’s tough on her living alone for the first time in her life.  She lost her husband 2 1/2 years ago and I realized that after he died she was truly living by herself for the first time ever.  This time there were no kids in the house.  Plus, by living with her I will have a lot more money seeing as how I won’t be paying $2100 for a mortgage.  That in turn means my kids won’t be dependent on their dad for any extras.
  8. Per our agreement (and I’m beginning to think more and more that it was a shitty one) we are supposed to pay off the pool with CF’s bonus and then split the remaining amount.  He gets the bonus check at the end of January.  He has not given me my share, nor has he paid off the pool.  I sent him a text on Thursday letting him know the pool contractor was asking about payment.  He never replied.  I texted again on Saturday.  Again, he did not reply.  Today, I called my lawyer.  I’m hoping we can file contempt charges or something to get the ball rolling.
  9. Because of #8 I have also made an appointment with another lawyer to go over my case.  I’m interested to see if this new lawyer thinks I got a good deal and hear her thoughts on how our property division should go.  I’m crossing my fingers she will be outraged and come out all guns blazing.  I may be disappointed with the outcome but at least I’m getting a second opinion.
  10. I may not have made new friends due to the divorce but it turns out I do have a lot of really kickass, supportive friends.  I have many people who check up on me and make sure I’m doing ok.  I just found out another friend is going through this same thing and now I’m paying it forward and checking up on her.  I am very blessed with the friendships I have made throughout the years and I truly cherish each and every one of them.
  11. I started a blog!  That’s a mighty achievement, right?  People read it.  People that don’t even know me read it.
  12. Completely not my achievement or what makes me mighty but:  Congratulations to the Denver Broncos and Peyton Manning!  I’ve been a Peyton fan for years.  I’m so glad that if he decides to retire after this season he will go out with a Super Bowl win.
  13. Also not an achievement but an action plan for the day:  I’ve got one kid off to school, one upstairs in bed, sick.  The house is relatively clean although I could stand to vacuum.  I’m going to do some laundry, watch some television, wait for my lawyer to call me back, enter receipts into the computer and continue to get things in order for my appointment with the potential new lawyer.  I’m also going to complete the Valentine’s Day “advent calendar” for my kids.  I created it several years ago and it’s kind of hit or miss as to whether or not I do it.  This year I’m doing it.  I’m late, but I’m still doing it so I need to write out all the cute cards that lead to the small treats they get.  Today is a brand new day.

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10 thoughts on “I AM Mighty, Dammit!

  1. Can you move in with your mother now? Both children and you? And let him hold the bag for the responsibilities he can pretend don’t exist because you take care of them?

    File for spousal support, child support, and let him uproot the cousin he’s fucking and her children?

    Get a nice, min.wage job – part-time so you can still fulfill obligations to your children, time wise – and let the spousal-support chips fall, as per state regulation? There are calculators all over. Some states – I know mine does – mandate child support through 21 as long as the children are in pursuit of post-secondary education.

    Let him see the FULL financial consequences of his own actions.

    You can file bankruptcy at the end of all this, or now, as your lawyer advises; you’re insolvent… they can’t garnish your child and spousal support for ANYTHING if you stop paying. He’ll be fucked.

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    1. Unfortunately, my mom lives 10 hours away which would mean uprooting my kids from their schools. My son wouldn’t care but my daughter is a sophomore and she really wants to graduate from her high school with her friends. Since she just had to start over a year ago I don’t want to do to that her a second time if I can help it.

      Because we do have a temporary support agreement in place I can’t leave him holding the bag. 😦 I was very tempted when he was trying to negotiate shit for payment to tell him I’d move out with the kids and get an apartment and he could stay at the house, taking care of the pets and figuring out what the hell to do with them on the weekends when he was away but he did end up giving us what my lawyer asked for. He would have been broke if I moved out though.. If it had only been me I would have packed up long ago and left, doing exactly as you suggested.

      I know from her husband that she won’t be moving. They have 4 kids and there is no way he will ever let her take them out of the state.

      Sadly, I am in a state currently that only awards support until the kids are 18 or have graduated high school. Thankfully because of a summer birthday my son will turn 18 before his senior year so I will get child support until he is almost 19 years old.

      Thanks for the suggestions. I will definitely bring it up with the new lawyer I’m seeing. I completely agree with you. I feel like I’m getting the shaft and he’s getting away with murder.

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  2. I just read your whole blog – know I’m am praying that the karma bus hits his ass VERY soon. What a douche – it’s mind boggling that he is treating his kids this way and taking care of hers!!!! I would have a hard time not beating his ass to death with a ball bat. You are mighty!

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  3. Ok we have been talking so I am going to play a little bit of devils advocate. When my sister was getting divorced she found a nice small house to rent while everything was going on and left him with the mortgage and all per the agreement. Is it possible to find a small house to rent until your daughter is done school? Would it be cheaper and easier? Or if this is a place you want to stay would your mother consider moving in with you and maybe renting out her home? Just kicking around a few ideas.

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    1. Thank you; I appreciate all the ideas. I’m not sure that I can go anywhere until the divorce is final because of the temporary support agreement. He pays me a lump sum and I take care of all the bills. As for renting, we have 3 dogs. I’m starting the looking process even now, putting feelers out and trying to find people who rent to someone with 3 dogs and 3 cats. It’s also tricky because I want to stay in our school district. No point in staying in the area if my daughter can’t continue to go to her high school. At one point my mom was considering moving in with me but now with the divorce looming she’s not. As she said, “I could move in with you but then we’d just be two women living together and meanwhile your brother is still living in my town.” Shoot, even my brother was considering moving here when CF was talking about hiring him but that all fell apart. I guess it was a good thing because we’d all be screwed if that had happened! I’m sure I’ll get through. I’m not destitute yet. Ultimately, it’s going to be up to a judge as to whether or not I get to stay here until my daughter graduates because I’m sure he won’t agree to it unless I agree to take on the house and I’m not going to do that.

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  4. Divorces are about negotiations. I am guessing he is very motivated to get divorced. You can deviate from what is the norm. Ask your lawyer to prepare a settlement offer that has support for longer.

    Also, consider in the final settlement requiring him to buy you out of the house for half the equity of the sale from the last house. Let him have the house Any chance your name isn’t on the mortgage?

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    1. Are you talking about child support or spousal support? I’ve been told by my lawyer that I’ll get spousal support for life because of the length of our marriage and the fact I’ve been a stay at home mom. That’s a good idea about buying me out for half of the equity of the sale from the last house, although we didn’t make a ton off of that one either. The problem is going to be that while I want to stay in the house until my daughter graduates I don’t ultimately want the house. I just don’t want to have to deal with moving into a rental place and trying to even find a rental place. He doesn’t want the house either. He wants to be able to move closer to his true love/cousin. I’m sure he would prefer to either force me to put it on the market as soon as we divorce, or for me to buy him out. And that’s not gonna happen. As for the mortgage, no, my name is not on it. I am on the deed only and I thank God every day I threw a royal fit when he tried to get the deed in his name only. He had sent me the paperwork to get my name on the deed and I jumped through hoops getting it notarized and then sent back to him. When he got it back he said his name was spelled wrong so they had told him it would be easier to just leave me off the deed and then I could be put on it later. Thanks to my sleuthing it looked like something was up with good ol’ Harley and her husband so I asked him point blank if he was just moving me out here so he could be with her and this was part of his plan. He freaked out- said he was crying, he was distraught, how could I think that, he had no idea what was going on with “that person” and he didn’t care. He said he would just have them send me another set of papers and we could do all of this again. Ultimately, it turned out they could use the paperwork I already submitted.

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