I saw another lawyer last week. I liked her and I decided to switch. I have many reasons for making the switch but key among them would be communication and the fact that I think my previous attorney botched my case. Not an all out, Oh my God, I’m ruined, kinda botched. But he definitely did not do me any favors or get me the best deal possible.
First interesting moment of the conversation with her was when she told me that everything in the court order is modifiable. And there is a lot I’d like to see modified. The funny part though is due to Cousinfucker quitting his job and leaving the state I now have a material change in circumstances. Of course, I can be granted anything by the court but it doesn’t mean shit if he’s going to defy the court order or believes he’s untouchable because he’s out of state. He probably thought he was going to screw me by getting everything excluded from his annual salary except his base pay and then turning around and getting a new job with a potentially higher base pay, even if the bonuses aren’t as good. He thought he would screw me by promising half of his bonus check and to pay off the pool with that money and then leaving his job and doing neither of those two things. Turns out the joke’s on him because with him taking this new job I can now go back and ask to have support re-evaluated. And this time, when he has to throw in extra to cover marital debt my attorney is going to have that excluded from spousal support. It will show up as a contribution to the marital debt, which it is, instead of as spousal support to me. And as far as the bonus check is concerned I still have hope that he actually received it before leaving his company, but if he didn’t I would love to drag his ass before a judge and have him explain why he agreed to something only to turn around and voluntarily resign from his job no more than six weeks later.
The second moment was when the lawyer told me she was concerned for his mental well being. She said there were a lot of red flags coming up for her and she was very concerned that he was going to have a complete mental breakdown, especially when Harley dumps him. I explained that two years ago when he was confiding in Jezebel about his affair he told her that Harley made him happy and I remarked that according to Harley he is Daddy of the Year and she’s never been happier. This is where it begins to get really interesting.
She looked at me and said, “Are you really going to take her word for it? She’s a married woman with four kids having an affair with her cousin. He’s a paycheck to her, a sugar daddy.”
Wow! Here is a woman who has never met me, Cousinfucker or Harley and yet she has said the exact same thing that I have said, that family members have said. I’ll admit that sometimes I wonder if I’m wrong and that she’s not the real love of his life. I wonder if I say she’s just a gold digging whore to make myself feel better. But here is a woman who has seen many, many divorces over the years. She’s been doing this a long time. And she has made the same observation. In many ways it’s validation. I continue to wrestle with the idea that this is not my fault. Rationally I know it is not. But in my insane moments (yes, I do have those!) I keep coming back to the old, “What if I didn’t do this? What if I did that? Maybe I should have done this.” This lady put it all in perspective. I am correct! He’s a paycheck to Harley. She’s a desperate, gold digging mother of four who has found a sugar daddy. I’m hoping to help him run out of sugar quite soon.
The other thing she said that really resonated was I am the one that kept him grounded. She had already told me how there were a lot of red flags for her when I told her my story. She then mentioned that he has this nice little fantasy life going on and once things crumble she’s not sure he’s going to be able to keep it together. She is very worried that he will end up having a complete breakdown and lose his job. As she put it (and I’m going to paraphrase here): When things come crashing down you’re not going to be there to help put them back together this time. And I have a feeling you were that person- you kept it all going, even if he refuses to acknowledge it. Again, I have to pump my fist and shout, “Yes!”
I was indeed that person. I don’t think he has any idea how much bullshit I put up with in order to keep things going. I took care of the house, the pets, the kids, him. I cooked. I cleaned. I did his laundry. The man never had to put away his own clothes for crying out loud! I washed them, dried them, folded them, and put them away! He never had to wash a dish. He was the pampered king. When he would freak out over something small and insignificant I was the one being the soothing voice of reason. I was the one who would take charge, make the phone calls, get the job done, and interact with the people. When he got sick I was the one taking care of him, calling the doctor’s office, taking him to the doctor’s or the ER, sitting with him, running interference for him. In short, I was awesome. He no longer has me around to do all of those things. I can’t be certain but I have a definite feeling that Harley is not going to do those things either. She’s in it for the money, the good times, the attention. She is not going to be eager to deal with the real him and she’s certainly not going to be standing by him if he ever loses his job and spirals down into a heap of self pity.
So now in addition to being left after twenty plus years, abandoned in a new town that he insisted we move to, him deserting his two children, and him quitting his job and moving out of state I also get to wait for the inevitable breakdown. I’ve gotta be honest here. I’m kinda looking forward to it on the one hand. On the other hand, he’s not going to be of any use to me in a psych ward, or as an alcoholic who can’t keep a job. It’s a real quandary, I tell you. I’d love to see him suffer (hey, I’m only human!) but I’m beginning to think that if he suffers the kids and I will suffer as well. What to do…. What to do….