Today Is a New Day! Thank God!

Today’s post is going to have a religious slant to it so I apologize in advance to any atheists or agnostics I may offend.  Actually, here’s a quick tip if talk of God offends you:  Just skip over today’s post.  Thanks!

I believe I have mentioned how we have started going back to church.  We like the new church.  It’s fun.  It’s interesting.  Great coffee bar.  I’m not heavily involved yet but I enjoy going and look forward to it on Sundays.

As many of you may have realized yesterday was not a good day for me.  I broke my mother’s heart (I’m sorry, Mom!) and made someone else cry.  I was doing a lot of crying myself.  Where am I going with this?  I swear there is a point!

I browsed through Facebook yesterday and a woman with whom I went to church years ago posted this:  Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.  If you do this, you will experience God’s peace.  Philippians 4:6-7a

Being a smart ass I decided to give it a try.  I swear to you this is my prayer almost verbatim:  Dear God, Could you please make my jackass soon-to-be-ex husband pay me my damn money?  Thanks!

I didn’t thank Him for all He has done.  I intend to get right on that though because let me tell you- my prayer was answered!

For those of you not following along in the comments section I did get my check finally.  Hooray!  Now I can breathe for another 2 weeks or so.  I also found out this morning that Cousinfucker DID indeed get his bonus check.  Now, he could try to screw me over and insist he got way less than last year but I have faith my new lawyer won’t let that happen.  So, the pool will be paid off soon and I should be receiving a lump sum of money that I intend to set aside for taxes and lawyer fees.

I’m back to my original plan of staying here until Rock Star graduates.  I’m hoping to hear soon from a vocational rehab specialist (I think that’s the title) to see where I should put my energies.  I have a degree already but I never used it.  Cousinfucker moved us around so much in the first 5-6 years of our marriage and we intended for me to get pregnant and stay home with our kids so I did mainly secretarial jobs.  That’s great when you’ve got a husband making decent money.  Not so great when you’re trying to support yourself and two teenagers who have had everything on that salary. I don’t want to go back to school for a more viable degree only to find out no one will hire someone nearing her 50s.  So I want to find what fields are hiring, if they hire older entry level people and what kind of money we’re looking at.

The next step is to figure out if I’m going to try to work full time and go to school part time, go to school full time and work part time, or any other combination. I’m still a fair distance away from my family, I don’t have a huge number of friends here, and Cousinfucker has moved out of the state so I don’t have a big support network to help me out.  I’m also very cautious about repeatedly asking for favors.  Because of that I’m going to be juggling all of this on my own- school, job, kids.  That’s ok, though.  I am woman, hear me roar.  I’ve got this once I can finally get on a road to somewhere.

To all of you who checked up on me, thank you!  I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.  Yesterday was a bad day.  Here’s to today!  And to Philippians 4:6-7a.

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10 thoughts on “Today Is a New Day! Thank God!

  1. Here comes lots of unsolicited advice. (At least I warned you.)

    Is the vocational rehab specialist your idea or the other sides? If the other sides, you need to proceed with great caution. Men use these “experts” to argue for less support for their spouses. Women sometimes report that really unrealistic income estimates are developed by the vocational counselor. If his side is insisting, make sure your lawyer makes sure you are protected.

    If it is your idea, it is a good one. But, before spending money, you might look into any resources that your local community/technical college has. In my state GA, there are actually two year degrees that you can earn for free because there is such a shortage of skilled labor in those areas. If you want to know more about that let me know. Since you think you are moving in a couple of years, keep in mind that various states have various needs. You might has the vocational person to research that for you. Again, using GA as an example, we have a burgeoning film/tv industry which is short lots of labor. But most other states don’t.

    I would be very careful about keeping the house. Your utility bill is $400! I would start looking now for smaller, more affordable something to rent. Your POS CF can’t make you keep the house. I know you want to use the pool, but if you spend some time digging through divorced women’s blogs you will find that many regret keeping the house and for some they have hung themselves financially. If you start spreading the word now, you may be able to find something word of mouth. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it needs to be cheaper.

    One thing to consider, is because CF isn’t particularly stable, if he were to hurt himself… You likely need enough money coming in from him that you can put some aside in savings.

    While I know you want your daughter to finish high school, in the long term, her future is better if your future is better. High school shouldn’t be the best years of your life, except when you are living them. She wants to go to college in your next state and it may make much more sense to go ahead and move so in state residency is established..

    Speaking of college, you ought to negotiate CG paying for rockstar and little brother’s college as part of a settlement. While most state’s don’t require it, you can certainly include it in a settlement.

    My sense is that CF is a high earner. You need to protect your children’s standard of living. That may mean forensic accountants and certainly a financial planner for you.

    Finally, in my state with long term marriages in high income situations, it isn’t in the lower earners (or non-earners) best interest to earn $ while a settlement is happening. Are you looking at lifetime support? If you are not, I would not allow language in the settlement that keeps support from being renewable if your situation doesn’t improve, career wise.

    I am glad today is a better day.

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    1. Lots of questions! First, the vocational specialist was my lawyer’s idea. She is very concerned about all the red flags CF is exhibiting and she wants me to be able to take care of myself. I don’t think I’m going to pay for this person. It is someone she knows who might be willing to point me in a good direction and let me know what all is out there.

      I am really torn about the house. I would love to find something cheaper. Unfortunately, I live in a college town and there’s not a whole lot of affordable housing around because of that. Plus, I have pets, so trying to find something in the school district that will accept pets is going to be very difficult. I’m also looking at living in a house about half the size of the one I’m currently living in while only saving about $500/month.

      I do agree about the high school thing but we have already taken so much away from them. My daughter should still be competing in gymnastics. She should be a Level 10 and surrounded by her old teammates but she’s not because her father wanted this stupid job and I agreed to move. I would like to keep things stable for her. She said last night she couldn’t move because her entire life was here. She’s 15 so I’m sure she’s being melodramatic but I understand. My son, on the other hand, is fine with moving.

      My lawyer did say something about trying to get college negotiated in the settlement but I’m in a state that won’t force him to do so. I’m at his mercy. And yes, he is a high earner. Unfortunately, we really don’t have a whole lot in assets even with his income. His 401K and pension are the only assets.

      I’m really torn about the whole job thing. My previous attorney told me not to get a job. My new attorney, while not telling me to run out and get a job, is telling me I need to be able to take care of myself and that eventually the courts are going to tell me I have a duty and obligation to try to support myself. I would prefer not to get a job until we’ve settled but on the other hand with CF possibly being unstable I don’t want to be up a creek without a paddle if he suddenly stops paying me. Plus, I’m really on a tight budget compared to what we used to have, especially since his support is supposed to cover everything. I am looking at lifetime support, though, so that’s good, and he already knows that.

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      1. A couple of other quick thoughts from an internet busybody– you might want to use a vocational rehab person where you ultimately are going to relocate because economics is pretty local these days. In your new hometown, the person may know exactly what the local economy needs and what to avoid.

        Second, is your floorplan such that you could take in a tenant. A friend is doing this to allow herself to stay in the house until youngest graduates in 18 months. Her tenants have all been young women starting their teaching careers at the nearby high school but moving from out of state. She has a basement with an in law suite so it is working well for her.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I would use the person she recommends for vocational counseling. But I would make sure that person is familiar or can familiarize him or herself with where you want to move. Also I would make sure that nothing she or he tells you can be used by the other side. On the other hand, if she or he is really worried about your earning potential your attorney can use this to make a case for greater support.

    Never forget the divorce is a negotiation. If you want college cost covered then put it in a settlement offer.

    Is he in a hurry to get divorced? If he is this works to your advantage.

    I agree with your attorney that you need to be able to support yourself. The question is timing. Working part time and going to school either part or full-time it’s probably not a bad choice. Where the danger lies is the acquiring a job that makes it look like you need no spousal support.

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    1. That is my conundrum. I don’t want to make it easier on him. My previous lawyer was very clear about NOT getting a job. This one seems more concerned that CF is unstable and I’m going to be screwed if he is no longer working. Here’s the thing though. I don’t think he’s nearly as unstable as some people think. I think he’s living his fantasy life and it won’t come crashing down for a while yet.

      I have thought about taking on a tenant. We have a basement but there are no utilities down there and I’d have to move my daughter back upstairs.

      I’m pretty sure this new lawyer is going to be asking for all sorts of concessions in the settlement. I hope he will agree to college or at least support during college but if not we’ll get other things in there. I’m not sure how much of a hurry he is in. I’ve done everything up until this point. I’m in no huge hurry. I can hang in limbo for a long time if necessary. 🙂

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    1. I think if anything he moved us here to get closer to his whore. This state is an at fault state and does give me spousal support. Lots of them don’t. Our previous state *might* have given me a little bit more but both are very conservative, especially the area we live in currently. Unfortunately, I have 2 friends going through this right now back in my former state and it doesn’t seem like they are sailing through.

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