Anybody have any big plans to celebrate the bissextus? Yeah, me neither. What is a bissextus, you ask? Why, it is the extra day added to the Julian calendar every fourth year. I’m so glad you asked. I am a vocabulary geek. I LOVE new words. Some of my favorites are from a 12th grade vocabulary list and they all begin with “O”: obstreperous, ostentatious, obsequious. I wish I could find a way to work them into my every day conversations a little easier. My best friend and I have a little game we haven’t played in years where we begin taking turns listing words that begin with “V”. Last person to say a word is the winner. Not geeky enough for you? I have the dictionary.com app on my phone so I get a nice little word of the day. Some I save and others I say, “Oh, that’s nice,” and I immediately forget the word completely. Here’s another one for you: poikilothermic. As in: Cousinfucker is a poikilothermic snake and I hope the karma bus visits him soon! I learned that one when I accompanied said best friend to a biology lecture. The poikilothermic part, not the karma bus.
As I referenced above I believe I met the love of my life/soul mate on Saturday. OK, so I didn’t really meet him and I know nothing about him. He’s probably married even. My kids and I were out to dinner celebrating my birthday. Our chef was telling us that the guy at the table next to us had eight kids. I didn’t think anything about it at first but eventually I happened to look over there. Here was a guy at a Japanese steakhouse with SIX kids- all by himself. I don’t know what happened to the other two if he did indeed have eight, but there were six with him that night. I counted. At least three times! The oldest didn’t look to be much more than 8 or 9, and he also had a baby with him- maybe around a year old. I’m looking at this scene and thinking, “OMG! I love this man! If I were still capable and not so old I would have his babies!” Cousinfucker couldn’t handle TWO- AT HOME. If I had told him he had to take our two out to dinner his head would have exploded. I remember throwing up and having diarrhea and he was going out to the drugstore to get me some medicine. He actually asked me if I wanted him to take our two with him. And when I looked at him like he was dumber than a potato and said, “Yes!” he whined, “I was just asking!”
Anyway, I say that stranger is my soul mate but is he really? I briefly thought about stopping at his table and commending him on taking six kids out by himself but I didn’t. Shortly thereafter I was telling my mom that men are always applauded for that kind of thing. Had I seen a woman there with six kids on her own I probably would have thought, “Wow- that’s really brave!” But I’m not sure I would have lauded her as a hero or thought about becoming a lesbian because I had met my “soul mate”. A man volunteers at school and it’s headline news. I make SpongeBob cupcakes complete with homemade frosting, chocolate candy figurines and an entire underwater beach scene and it’s just something moms do. Let me tell you, those cupcakes were work! I had to make the separate royal frosting so the seaweed would be stiff and stay upright in the cupcakes. I think I gave up on the royal icing flowers and just piped in a flower. The candy figurines had multiple colors so I had to do one color, spread it in the mold, chill it, and then work on the second color, finish all the different colors, and then fill the mold. It took me HOURS to do this because the mold only held 5 figures and I had to do that probably 5 or 6 times to account for all the kids! Did any man say, “Oh, my gosh, that woman is my soul mate! I want someone who spends hours hand designing cupcakes for my children!” No! A man takes his six kids out to eat and I’m suddenly willing to marry him. Do you think he would be impressed if I had taken six kids out for dinner? Probably not.
I will go on to say, however, that it was fantastic to see a father who was capable and involved. It once again shows that Cousinfucker was full of shit and was a lazy, selfish, entitled sonofabitch who cheated his kids out of way too many experiences.
Speaking of piece of shit fathers, have any of you seen Kelly Clarkson’s performance on American Idol? I saw her song was #1 on iTunes and I started to listen to it. It didn’t do much for me. Then, it kept popping up on my Facebook feed: Watch Kelly Clarkson’s moving performance. See what had everyone in tears. So I watched it. And I cried. I’m a sympathetic cryer to begin with but this was just heartbreaking. I’m really listening to the words this time around because I want to know what has everyone so choked up. Keith Urban has tears in his eyes. Kelly has to stop at least three times towards the end of the song because she’s getting choked up. In case anyone hasn’t heard it it’s a song about a father who abandons his child and now that child has a child of her own. The last verse is:
Piece by piece I fell far from the tree
I would never leave her like you left me
She will never have to wonder her worth
Because unlike you I’m gonna put her first
She told Ryan Seacrest that she wrote it for her own daughter. I’m sure it resonates for many children. I’ve watched it twice and each time I think of my own kids who have been left behind by their father. Then I think of Harley and how “happy” she is and I wonder how it is that anyone can find happiness at the expense of children. Finally, though, I think of myself and the fact that I’m not going to leave them. I do know their worth and I will always put them first. All is not hopeless. I think that kids can learn how to be an awesome parent simply by refusing to repeat the mistakes of their own mother or father. My brother is a shining example of that.
Our dad was not around much. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he abandoned us but we certainly weren’t a priority. My brother on the other hand is an excellent dad. He loves his kids. He likes spending time with them. He is interested in their lives. He’s a lot more understanding and patient than any of us thought he could be when he was a young hothead. My son has said he wishes he had a dad like his uncle. To my brother’s credit he did say he is willing to step up for my two, knowing they don’t have an active father in their lives. My hope is that my son emulates my brother and not his father.
Other random stuff that has been happening in my life- more bad dreams/night time experiences. I’m sleeping better if you count sleep interrupted by rude dogs who demand to go out at odd times of the night as good sleep. I’m still, however, having bad dreams. Actually, I’ve had one bad dream and two bad/eerie experiences. Two nights ago I fell asleep on the couch. I don’t know why I don’t just go upstairs when I’m getting sleepy. Instead I “rest my eyes” and it inevitably ends up with me waking sometime in the middle of the night. So, the other night I fell asleep on the couch early- like 9:00. I woke up because one of my dogs wanted to go out. Looked at the clock and found out it was only 11:00. Great! So I let the dog in, I go upstairs, get ready for bed, and go back to sleep. Sometime after I fall asleep I hear a door creaking open. For a minute I forgot I was in my bed and thought I was still on the couch so I begin to freak out because I think someone is coming into the house through the door in the living room that leads outside. Fortunately, it took only a few seconds for me to remember that I was indeed in my room, upstairs, and I realized it was my son peeking in to see if he could sneak into bed with me. Unfortunately for him the dogs were spread over the bed and there was no way he could comfortably sleep with me so he went on back downstairs. That was bad/eerie experience #1.
Last night I had a horrible dream. OK, it was one part horrible and one part awesome. Anyway, in the dream two men broke into my house, raped me and slit my throat. Not pleasant. I told you it was a horrible dream. The awesome part comes from the fact that this violent death led me to have a Highlander moment. For those of you who have never seen the movie the protagonist discovers he is immortal when he is killed on the battle field. I, too, became immortal. That was awesome, especially because the two rapists/killers decided to come back a second time and I ended up killing them. Now, why they would come back is beyond me. On some level I’m thinking if they’re going to try to kill me again they obviously know I can’t be killed. Duh! Regardless, that was the awful dream. Then on top of that I had once again fallen asleep on the couch and a dog wanted to go out. I let her out, she comes back in, goes to the laundry room where their food and water is, and then she begins to BARK! WTF? I had no idea what she was barking at. I thought possibly a cat had slipped upstairs but she probably wouldn’t have just barked at it; she would have tried to chase it and there was no chasing. Only barking. I did briefly think maybe someone had broken into the house but I didn’t hear anything else, plus I had another dog soundly sleeping despite his sister’s noisy antics. He’s pretty protective of me so I didn’t think a human was in the house. That’s when my mind raced to SNAKE! I’m terrified of snakes. I don’t live in the country; I’m in a subdivision, in fact. But the two landscapers from the past summer told me they saw a snake in one of the trees and I have been terrified ever since. I faced my fears, however, and have done two loads of laundry so far this morning. Unless the snake is hiding behind the washing machine or dryer then there was nothing there and my dog is simply crazy.
And that is all I have for you on this glorious bissextus! Enjoy and go do good things!