Freedom!

Say it like Mel Gibson in “Braveheart”!

Today (and the next few days) I’m going to go through my Freedom song list.   This is a list of songs about cheaters, whores, gold diggers, revenge, and feeling empowered after being with a jerk. 83 songs, 4 hours and 55 minutes.  I add songs as I go.  Some of them were already on my radar as great breakup/revenge songs; a lot of them I’ve gleaned from other people who have suggested certain songs.  Some are entirely new to me and some I had heard many times but never thought about until compiling my “Freedom” list.

Going through this betrayal it’s like a tiny little ray of sunshine when I discover a song that makes me feel empowered, like Kelly Clarkson’s “Stronger”.  Or a song that is ripe with rage and frustration like Eminem’s “So Much Better” or “Asshole”.  Some of these songs are more like novelty songs, such as “Slut”, “She’s a Whore”, or “One More Minute”.  But they have a catchy beat and make me smile.  I love hearing the defiance of Destiny Child’s “Survivor” or Avril Lavigne’s “I Can Do Better”.  Other times it’s simply nice to hear someone singing exactly what you want to say, like Ashton Shepherd on “Look It Up” or Rory+Joey on “Cheater, Cheater”.

I have to admit I loved playing this list at full blast whenever CF was home; sometimes I even sang along at the top of my lungs.  I’m a bit passive aggressive with my music.  I fully own that.  Although, if you know you’re doing it to get under someone’s skin are you truly being passive aggressive, or is that just messing with that someone’s mind?

I’m going to apologize right now for all the gushing and the many times I say, “I love this song!”  As one of my BFFs would say, “Obviously!” But let’s face it- if it made it on the list then I probably love it and it makes me feel good.  Some of these songs don’t completely mesh with my experience but they have enough to make it onto my Freedom list.  If you’re dealing with a cheater or even just a regular, heart breaking breakup, I hope these songs bring you some comfort and maybe just a little bit of joy.

  1. Why Trust You by Alice Cooper.  Nice little anthem there.  Why trust you?  You never made a dream come true.  It harkens back to my rock days and just lets me get my aggression out.  Sometimes I’m even willing to head bang.
  2. Karma by Alicia Keys.  Who doesn’t love a little karma?  As she sings, What goes around comes around; what goes up must come down.  Sucks to be you, buddy!
  3. Good To Be Alive (Hallelujah) by Andy Grammer  This is a feel good song that gets you on your feet.  It isn’t specific to my situation but it makes me feel good and I keep repeating the message to myself.  I think I finally found my hallelujah.  I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life.  Now all my dreams are coming true-ya.  It’s good to be alive right about now… I was dead in the water.  Nobody wanted me.  I was  old news; I went cold as cold could be. But I kept throwing on coal trying to make that fire burn.  Sometimes you gotta get scarred to get what you deserve. I kept moving on and now I’m moving up.  It’s a message of hope, folks!
  4. Brand New Bitch by Anjulie  All the lyrics don’t apply but Been feeling so fly Since you been gone My face to the sky, Sunglasses on Turning up the beats so sick, I’m like a brand new bitch.  Yep, that’s me!
  5. Problem by Ariana Grande and featuring Iggy Azalea.  I debated putting this one on my list since Ariana is all, “I love ya but I hate ya,” especially since I’m all about hating CF; however, it’s sassy and somewhat current.  Let’s face it:  we’d all do better to realize we’ve got one less problem without them!  As the wise Iggy Azalea says:  Smart money bettin’ I’ll be better off without you…. Understand my life is easy when I ain’t around you.  Iggy Iggy too biggie to be here stressin’.  I’m thinkin’ I love the thought of you more than I love your presence and the best thing now is probably for you to exit… There’s a million you’s baby boo so don’t be dumb.  I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT YOU WON’T BE ONE!  Yeah, that’s right, Cousinfucker.  I may have other problems but I don’t have to deal with YOU anymore.
  6. Look It Up by Ashton Shepherd  I just discovered this song and I love it! Nothing like a woman (or a man, too, I suppose) giving her cheating, rat bastard what for.  The word is faithful, look it up… How ‘bout forever, just look it up… The word is easy, look it up… Let’s try liar, just look it up… The word’s forgiveness, look it up.  It’s what Jesus has in store for you but I don’t no matter what… I said go, goodbye, get lost, get out, get gone.  The word is over.  Look it up.

No one does sassy and bratty better than Avril Lavigne so the next two songs on the list are by her.

7. I Can Do Better  Can’t we all? I don’t give a damn what you say to me.  I don’t really care what you think of me… There’s nothing you could say that would hurt me.  I’m better off without you anyway.  I thought it would be hard but I’m OK… I hate you now.  So go away from me.  You’re gone, so long. I can do better.  I can do better.  Hey, hey you, I found myself again.  That’s why you’re gone.  I can do better.  I can do better.  God, I hope so!  I’m doing my best to internalize this song although some days I think it would be easier to do if I were, oh, I don’t know, 21 maybe! and…

8. The Best Damn Thing   Yes, you worthless piece of shit.  I am the best damn thing that you’ll ever find.  If you think this new piece of strange is going to stand by you you are seriously delusional.  Not all the words in this song apply to my situation but I like it anyway.  I just keep telling myself:  I’m the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen.

Songs 9, 10 and 11 are by The Band Perry.  Holy breakup, Batman!  I was only familiar with “If I Die Young” but let me tell you, they come up with some good kickass stuff when it comes to dumping someone and refusing to take any shit!  I am loving the following songs!

9. You Lie  You lie like a priceless Persian rug on a rich man’s floor.  Well, you lie like a coon dog basking in the sunshine on my porch.  Well, you lie like a penny in the parking lot at the grocery store.  It just comes natural to you.  The way you lie… I oughta kill you right now and do the whole wide world a service.  This song resonates with me because CF became so adept at lying.  I look back now and I’m astounded at how easily those lies flew out of his mouth. “Oh, I’m sending my mom money to help her out.”  No, he was sending the whore money.  “Yeah, I got my mom and step-dad phones so they don’t have to use their pay as you go phones anymore.”  No, those were the phones he bought for the whore and her daughter.  As an added bonus he continues to pay the bill for them while letting me know he no longer considers himself responsible for my cell phone bill.  “I don’t know why that charge says XXXX city.  I gave my credit card information to my mom so she could buy a new tire.  Yes, a $172 tire.”  No, he bought shit for the whore.  “I accidentally took my mom’s keys and didn’t realize it until I was hours away.  I had to turn around to take them back to her.”  Yeah, probably not.  More than likely he was taking advantage of spending one more night with the whore. I thought I married a man who was honorable and honest.  I even had one of his friends tell me he would never cheat on me because he was just too honorable to ever do such a thing.  But no, I married a man who, when pussy was on the line, could lie like a Persian rug on a rich man’s floor.

10. Miss You Being Gone  I play this one loud and often!  Wish I would have noticed sooner all that crazy in your eyes…. You said I miss you.  Oh yes I do.  Sugar I miss you being gone.  I miss you like drama queens and cat fights and braces on prom night.  I miss you like boy bands and cheap cologne our song and chaperones and all the other things that I’ve outgrown.  My own verse, while not rhyming, would include I miss all of your so called “issues”, your anxiety that has mysteriously vanished since screwing a whore, fixing your plate for you, feeling guilty because I didn’t want to sit upstairs in our bedroom and watch TV 24/7, and raising our children on my own even though I was married.  I’ll also “miss” having you decline to accompany me to any more relative’s funerals, ignoring houseguests and always having to allow you first dibs on where to sit.  If anyone would like to put that into a rhyme, feel free.

11. Done  Here’s a nice little philosophy:  Oh, I don’t believe in getting even but giving what you deserve.  She goes on to say:  Mama always told me that I should play nice.  She didn’t know you when she gave me that advice.  I’m through with you.  You’re one bridge I’d like to burn.  Bottle up the ashes, smash the urn.  I’m through with you.  I don’t wanna be part of your fun.  Don’t wanna be under your thumb.  All I wanna be is done.  (Done) with your selfish ways.  (Done) and all the games you play.  I’m through with you and everything you say.

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