More Victim Morphing

As I said previously Rock Star and her father had a texting conversation.  Wouldn’t want to actually talk because that might be awkward.  I think she was texting yet again about her allowance.  That child is like a dog with a mighty meaty bone.  She was not letting go!  She later told me about it because, well, let’s face it, I’m the only parent she really has.  In fact, she’s said that to me before.  “I’ve gotta keep you healthy, Mom; you’re the only parent I’ve got.  If anything happens to you I’m NOT going to live with my dad.”

She’s relaying this conversation to me and the whole time I’m thinking, “This is interesting.”  And it was.  You see, the very interesting part comes in when you see this person clearly.  You see him for who he is and you can spot his faults and not make excuses for him any longer.  The victim morphing he was doing was worthy of an Academy Award.

He tells her that he cries every day.  Really?  He’s going to tell his fifteen year old child how much he cries and expect her to feel sorry for him?  Are you freaking kidding me?  He did this to himself!  He walked away from his family!

He tells her how he goes to lunch with his best friend (did I nail it, or what?) and his buddy just listens to him cry and he’s there for him.  He knows that she’ll never believe anything he says ever again and she’ll probably never look at him as her father either.

As she tells me this I cock my head, like a dog does when it’s confused or hears a strange noise.  The entire time I’m thinking that he’s not actually apologizing for anything that he’s put them through.  He’s giving her a long song and dance about all his failings and expecting her to come riding to his rescue and tell him he’s not that bad.  As I said the other day, “Sorry, Charlie.  They’re on to you.”

He tells her that he only has a little over $1000/month to live on; he gives us 70% of his paycheck so that we’re supported.  And he never contested the amount of money he has to pay me.  Cousinfucker, you’re a lying liar who lies!  He did, too, contest the amount of money he had to pay me!  Our lawyers got together and came up with a figure.  He balked and lowballed me.  My attorney came back with another number and he balked at that one as well.  Let’s put it this way:  The amount my attorney came up with was over $2000 more than the number he countered with.  My attorney then returned with a figure that was $1000 more than what CF was wanting to pay and was pretty much in the middle between the beginning figure the attorneys came up with and what CF offered originally.  I ended up getting just $600 more than his original offer.  How he can even say with a straight face that he never contested the amount is beyond me.  Oh wait- no it’s not.  He lives in a fantasy land!  As for his sob story about living on just over $1000/month?  Let me count the number of lies in that sentence!

Lie #1- that figure isn’t even accurate!  He told his attorney he was making slightly more at this job which would mean his take home pay is not LESS than what he was taking home before.  I KNOW how much money he had left over.  It’s close to three times that amount once he’s done paying support.  So cry me a fucking river, CF!  Even if it were true he did it to himself.  Lie #2- I would be willing to bet he is living with his best friend and best friend’s family.  For simplicity’s sake we’re going to call best friend Blockhead.  Now, I don’t know for certain CF is living with Blockhead but seeing as how he didn’t take a single thing with him and didn’t even take all of his clothes my guess is he’s not in his own apartment yet.  That means, once again, every dime he has after he pays support is his- no car payment, no insurance, no rent, no utilities, blah blah blah.  It does appear he now has a cell phone bill to pay because the calls come from the whore’s town but that could still be paid for by his new company even if he did have to go out and get the phone himself.  The only thing he pays for is Harley and her daughter’s cell phone bill and potentially his own cell phone bill.  He has a credit card that is in his name only but most of the charges on it are for her and her kids.  I suppose it’s not so much a lie as it is pointing out that while he may not have a lot of his paycheck left over once he’s paid what he owes us, everything after that is his.  He actually has more spending money than I do because I’m paying all of the bills.  Plus, he doesn’t have those pesky kids around asking for nonsensical things like lunch money, field trip money, pants that fit, new tennis shoes, club fees, money for going out with friends, food… ah yes, the list goes on and on.

He goes on to tell her my absolute favorite lie which is that he had no choice but to move out of state because I would no longer let him live at home.  That one still makes me laugh.  OK, we’ve already covered the fact that he *could* live at home; he would simply have to pay rent.  We’ve also covered the absurdity of the idea that his only solution to being “thrown out” of the family home was to quit his job, move out of the state, move in with Blockhead and get a job working with him.  Yes, I can see how some might think that was the only solution.  He messed up, though, because he did admit to Rock Star when she asked, “Why there?” that it was because Blockhead was his best friend in the entire world.  Again, makes complete sense.  You know, I kinda miss my BFF, too.  I think I’m going to desert my kids and move in with her.  I’m shaking my head at the idea that you’ll move away from your kids so that you can be closer to your best friend.  I did mention that he’s seen Blockhead six times in the last twenty plus years, didn’t I?  There’s a slight possibility he saw him at some point when he was traveling, but I know he hasn’t seen him more than ten times in twenty years.

Blockhead is also the person who outed me and my fake FB page.  I believe that is what started Cousinfucker on his downward spiral.  It led to him voluntarily committing himself.  Guess who didn’t come to visit him?  Blockhead!  He did come a few months after Cousinfucker got out; I’m sure it was so he could talk him into leaving me or assuring him that his affair with Harley was a wonderful idea.  I don’t really care for Blockhead.  Neither do my kids.

He did admit he was still with Harley which led to Rock Star telling me that he obviously wasn’t that sorry about what he had done.  I know there was also some exchange where she told him to go have fun with Harley’s daughter, to which Cousinfucker wailed, “We’re not that close!”  Let’s all cry for him.  Hey, if not being that close results in a new iPhone, my cell phone bill being paid, a $300+ dress, the promise of a car, a brand new dog, $200 worth of Christmas gifts, and my truck being repaired I say, “Hey kids, strive for a not close relationship with your dad!”  Hmmmm…. I wonder if this means that his attempts to bribe them with bling isn’t working.  I knew they trash talked him behind his back; I didn’t realize they didn’t put on a big performance for him in his presence.

Another favorite of mine was when he told Rock Star that he respected me very much as a mother.  Really?  The jackass has left the state, leaving his kids behind with me.  Telling either of them he respects me as a mother is just…. sad?  Obvious?  A hollow compliment?  He left them with me during a hurricane warning.  He left them with me during a blizzard warning.  He left all of their care and upbringing to me the entire time we were together.  Telling them he respects me as a mother is just…. I don’t know.  It’s like saying the sun is hot.  Or that rain is wet.  What does that say about him if he doesn’t respect me as a mother?  Maybe it’s the fact that I look at that “compliment” as bread crumbs being thrown my way.  Apparently I’m a lousy wife, worthy of being cheated on, but I do ok as a mother.  Halle-freakin’-lujah!

Finally, he told her he is still working on his mental health issues and it’s coming along slowly.  Oh please!  I’ve got to be honest.  I don’t believe the man has a single problem.  I spent twenty years babying him.  It wasn’t that long ago that we were planning a move across the country.  He was freaking out about everything.  Even being gone during the showings stressed him out.  Now he can suddenly move out of state without a single issue but we’re supposed to believe he’s “working on” his problems?  Or how about the fact that when he was waiting for the offer to come through for the job here I told him that maybe he should consider leaving his present company and going to another one?  I was told that that would be too stressful and he couldn’t deal with the change.  Wow!  But now that he’s struggling with these so called mental health issues he can suddenly switch companies and even move out of state.  That’s amazing! Oh, let’s not forget that when we were getting ready to sell the house he was worried about not being able to sell it and not making enough money to cover the loan.  Again, I will remind you that back *then* we had a guaranteed buyout.  They wanted him out here so even if our house appraised lower than the loan (we bought just as the housing bubble was beginning to pop) they would undoubtedly once again pay the difference.  We also had all closing costs and commission fees paid for by the company.  Now?  We have none of that.  But apparently that’s not a problem anymore.  Then there’s the fact that shortly before he began his affair he was telling me how he could barely function and even driving to work was almost more than he could bear.  Again, what an amazing recovery!  He can now drive hours to get to his whore every weekend.  He can drive at night.  He can drive during the day.  He couldn’t manage to go Christmas shopping with me, or to a baseball game, or sit out on the porch, or go to dinner with the kids on their birthday, but now he can wander shopping malls on Christmas Eve to shop for kids that aren’t his; he can go out to restaurants.  He can attend class reunions.  Folks, I think we should all alert the VA and let them know that the secret to curing any mental health issues for our vets is to simply advise them to have an affair with their cousin!  Problem solved!

Finally, we had the obligatory:  Your mom and I weren’t very close.  I’m torn on this one.  On one hand, things were getting so much better after the discovery of his first affair.  He was finally engaged in family life.  On the other hand it’s really hard to be close to a person who is constantly shutting you out.  I don’t want to spend my life shut up in a bedroom.  I’m all about watching TV.  I have nothing against it.  But could we please do that in the living room instead of being shut away in the bedroom?  It’s hard being close to someone when they don’t ever want to do anything.  It got to the point where I’d have the kids ask him if he wanted to go someplace with us because he wouldn’t turn them down as easily as he would me.  He is trying hard to rewrite history so that it appears I was this cold calloused wife that cared nothing about him and his feelings, and who left him behind while I pranced around the state doing fun things with everybody except him.  I’m sure there will be those who believe him.  Those people are stupid. I did everything I could but finally I got tired of trying.  It was never enough.

I called him a poopy head to my mom the other day, and I think that fits him.  He is juvenile, childish, entitled, selfish… need I go on?  He is living in a fantasy land that is eventually going to come crashing down around him.  I am still struck by how everything he says is a justification for what he has done.  It is all about painting himself as the victim.  Oh, look at me!  I’m so sad. I cry all the time.  I bet you hate me and don’t even want to think of me as your dad.  I’m a failure.  I’m such a terrible human being.  Tell me it’s not true.  Tell me I’m great.  Never once does he apologize to her.  Never once does he come close to admitting that what he has done was wrong.  She even went so far as to tell him that he ruined her life.  I’m not sure what he had to say in response to that.  Undoubtedly something that portrayed him as the real victim in all of this.  He is a champion at this game.

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4 thoughts on “More Victim Morphing

  1. It must be incredibly hard to watch him lie and manipulate Rock Star. The justification thing…HUSBAND can look back now and see that progression in his mind, in his actions, in his conversations. It is complete and utter madness. Stay strong, amazing woman. Keep writing. Wish I could come to you and bring you a night off, share a bottle of wine, and give you a hug.

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    1. I have about 6 bottles of wine in my refrigerator right now! Too bad I rarely drink anymore. I would love to meet you.

      I think it helps because Rock Star is old enough to see through the crap. He did a bad enough job as a parent even when he wasn’t cheating so now that he’s gone it’s not like I’m dealing with a daddy’s girl who worships him and wants to believe his lies. I think that would be so incredibly difficult.

      How are you doing? Everything going ok?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Good for her for telling him that he ruined her life. That should always be her opening and her closing statements to him. Holding him accountable and not letting him get away with his BS.

    I would have my new attorney on the financials like a dog with a shiny new bone. I would make sure you are getting every cent you are entitled too since he has flown the coop.

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  3. I agree, Alice. She doesn’t let him get away with anything.

    I’m getting a little irritated. I’ve been trying to find out what’s going on with the bonus and pool and she hasn’t replied back to me. I am not going to be happy if the pool company begins to assess finance charges!

    I have wondered about the whole abandonment thing, plus, in many places they base child support upon the NCP having a certain amount of nights. Zack has never taken either of them for so much as an afternoon out. I hope that works in my favor.

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