“I have a genius level IQ.” “I could qualify to be a member of Mensa.” “I’m a genius, honey.” Those were all phrases I heard over the years from Cousinfucker. I also got to hear how he was class valedictorian, president of the National Honor Society, class president, captain of the football team, captain of the baseball team, and a star football player. I heard numerous times how he was recruited by a professional baseball team straight out of high school and received a full scholarship at a prestigious university for pre-med but chose to take an appointment elsewhere. He has all these crowning achievements and yet he is still an incredible dumbass.
I would think that with all of the cheating that he has witnessed he would have, at some point, said to himself, “Hey, that didn’t work out so well.” But no! He goes full steam ahead, chucking jobs and children and believing with all his tiny, tiny heart that everything will work out for the best with the whore.
I’ve described before his sister Jezebel who has cheated on every husband she has ever had. I also wrote about Harley’s sister and her cheating husband. Again, you would think he would look at those situations and perhaps internalize the fact that life did not exist happily ever after. I sometimes want to ask him, “Hey, how did that work out for Jezebel’s second husband?”
I’ll tell you how it worked out. In the beginning it looked wonderful. They had a destination wedding elopement and a reception with friends and family when they came home. They were blissfully in love. She had never looked happier and they were very best friends. They had the engraved champagne flutes to prove it. He was exactly the kind of man she needed, one who wouldn’t let her get away with everything, someone who would argue with her. They took wonderful vacations every time you turned around; they bought a new house and new furniture to go into it. They both had new cars they loved. Life was great. Lots of big, showy gifts and so much fun couple time. Then reality began to set in.
He was a pastor of a large church when he met Jezebel. She was the pretty and popular Praise & Worship leader whom everyone wanted to befriend. His congregation paid his mortgage, his utilities, his car payment, his insurance, and his cell phone bill. They paid him a salary and sent him and his wife on vacation. They doted on him and spoiled him and he never wanted for anything because he had a devoted following. I don’t think he entered into his affair with Jezebel believing they would turn on him, but I do know he told the in-laws that if he had to wash dishes to support her he would. Ultimately, he gave up everything for Jezebel. Turns out when you’re telling your congregation that watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch and celebrating Halloween is against God’s word and then you fuck your Praise & Worship leader they get a little testy. He lost his church, tried to start another one but that one never really got off the ground. Eventually that one folded as well. He had to get a regular nine to five job instead of being able to play with Jezebel all day. He couldn’t take off on vacation whenever he wanted because now he had a standard job with only a week or two of vacation time, and besides, they weren’t exactly rolling in the money. He did eventually get a six figure paying sales job but that was towards the end of the marriage and it took him on the road every week and away from Jezebel. You do not want to be away from Jezebel. She will cheat on you.
Times were tough for the two very best friends who had found a very special love, one worth tossing aside two marriages. Neither of them were used to working a regular job. She had worked at the church on a part-time basis and then transitioned into doing home parties. He began selling real estate and when that didn’t pan out (turns out you can’t be taking off on vacation constantly) he turned to selling cars and even work odd jobs here and there.
He had a large spousal support payment and because he wasn’t working steadily Jezebel ended up having to use her money to make that payment. There were times her kids went without because she had to pay his debts in order for him to avoid going to jail. If you thought she was pissed because she had to get a job instead of slipping into the life of the pastor’s wife like she thought she was going to do, you should have seen her head explode when she realized even though she was working she still had nothing to show for it because everything was going to his ex-wife!
His daughter moved in with them and was stealing from them. She wrote numerous bad checks from their account, and if you’ve ever had this happen then you know the only way they won’t hold you liable is if you press charges, which they didn’t want to do.
Eventually, they lost their house. One of the jobs he did was some sort of loan officer. I don’t even know what it was exactly but I do know that because of this job they ended up with an interest only loan which freed up money for them so they could spend more. When interest rates skyrocketed their mortgage payment more than doubled and they couldn’t make the new payment; they ended up losing the house and having to sell off most of their furniture.
At one point he was over $15,000 behind in support payments and his ex-wife was going to have him thrown into jail. He called upon all sorts of friends and acquaintances to help him out and in the end he came up with that substantial amount of money and handed it all over to the ex. God love her; she certainly did hold his feet to the fire.
As I said, he did end up getting a very nice paying job through the help of a friend. It took him on the road and he wasn’t much in the mood to entertain in his twenty years younger wife every weekend. She found someone else to entertain her and realized she didn’t need Husband #2 in her life anymore.
He’s doing ok. He still has his job so he’s making good money. He remarried about 2 months after the divorce so he’s not alone. Life is not over for him by any means. He did, however, give up everything for his little Jezebel and in the end, she tossed him away. Now, someone else is her very best friend. Someone else makes her happier than she’s ever been.
I wonder if Cousinfucker ever thinks he’ll be in Husband #2’s shoes. If someday soon he won’t discover that Harley thought she was going to step into my life and she was oh so wrong. Like Husband #2 Cousinfucker is going to have a very large support check to write each month. And like Husband #2’s ex-wife I won’t have a single problem with throwing his ass in jail if he doesn’t pay.
I wonder if he thinks his kids will finally accept what he’s done, maybe even accept Harley and her kids as part of their family. Or will he one day be devastated when he realizes he tossed them aside and they have moved on and no longer consider him to be their father?
I wonder if he ever thinks about the fact that his sister crowed about how happy she was with Husband #2 and how she would rather have twenty good years with him than fifty average years with her first husband, and yet in the end, she cheated on Husband #2 as well. Does he ever connect the dots and see how people tell her she’s never looked happier every time she replaces a husband? Does he ever acknowledge the fact that every husband becomes her very best friend? Does he even understand that it’s all bullshit, an illusion until the next one comes along?
Does he ever wonder if he’ll regret quitting his job where he was considered a golden boy, supposedly beloved by the higher ups, for this new job with Blockhead where he’s just one of many? Will he eventually find out how stupid he was for walking away from approximately $75,000 a year in compensation? I’m going to be honest. I really hope that comes back and bites him in the ass.
His life has been so simple these past few months. He’s not worrying about whether or not the kids remain at their schools. He’s not thinking about landscaping the backyard or what’s going to happen to the house. I’m pretty sure he’s not even having to try to make ends meet because he’s living with Blockhead and doesn’t have the typical day to day responsibilities you have when you have a home of some sort. My hope is that life gets a whole lot more complicated for him in the coming months.
The other real life example he has to look upon is even worse! Those two cheaters ended up in jail! Wait- not jail, prison! As I said before I’m not all that convinced that he and Harley won’t end up in the exact same position. She’s already got a spending problem. He likes to tell everyone I spent all of his money and he had nothing to show for it but I’ve seen how he’s spent money since D-Day. He blows it on the whore and he has had no responsibilities. He regularly spent up to $1000 per weekend. He’s bought a ring, a dog, a $300 dress… The few bills he’s been required to pay he’s blown off for a month or more. He hasn’t managed to get the support check to me on time a single time so far. Between her spending money like it’s water, him spending money like it’s water and not being able to pay his bills, and her thinking the money is going to continue to flow I wouldn’t be surprised to find out he’s doing something illegal to keep her living in the lifestyle he’s promised her. If we look to the past to predict the future then it seems pretty certain that once prison enters the equation their quaint little love story will be over. Then it will be time for Harley to marry some felon she meets at her halfway house. And Cousinfucker will be looking around at the tatters of his life- no job, no wife, no kids, no future. That would really suck for him.
Then again, he is a genius. He could be a member of Mensa. So this will probably all work out for him just as planned. I’m sure the only reason it didn’t work out for those other people was because they’re not as smart as him.