You Mad, Bro?

Remember how I wrote about not speaking to Cousinfucker because there was no point?  I said it basically fed his ego and nothing would ever get through to him.  I believe I also wrote about how sometimes this blog would write itself because of the crazy shit he said and did.  All aboard the crazy train!  There will be stops in Liarsville and Delusion Land and a layover at Tantrum Palace.

What has led to this, you may be asking?  Golly gee, I’m not quite sure.  I simply let Cousinfucker know that I hadn’t received the support check OR my half of the bonus check.  That was it.  Period.  I thought I was doing him a favor.  Afterall, it was only last month that the check he wrote Got. Lost. In. The. Mail!  I figured it was a public service announcement to let him know there was a possibility it got lost again.  Now, I will admit I sent the text on Saturday and we all know that weekends are reserved for Harley the Whore.  I’m sure he didn’t want to be reminded as he was fucking the whore that he had a wife and kids he had abandoned.  My tip?  Don’t check your messages while you’re having sex!  You’re welcome.

Monday rolls around and he finally deigns to answer me.  He tells me that the check is in the mail and that maybe I should consider getting a job.  Call me crazy but I don’t think it’s in my best interest to take legal and financial advice from the shit eating chimp that has cheated on and lied to me all summer.  Something tells me he does not have my best interests at heart.

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Again, I kept it very civil.  I thanked him for his comments and let him know I would give them all the consideration they were due.  Then I let him know that I would prefer to not have to file contempt charges.  See that?  I would prefer NOT to have to file.  More help from me.

He let me know that if I filed contempt charges that he would go to jail!  Oh nos!  He even mentioned something about how I live off of him and putting him in jail would mean I would get no money and I would end up ruined!  I kindly let him know that was a chance I was willing to take (even added a smiley face) but thanked him for looking out for me.

Now this is where it gets tricky and we begin our visit to the Tantrum Palace.  He tells me that he is *completely* taking care of me and I SHOULD NOT FORGET THAT!  In fact, I have a great life thanks to him and I should be “a lot more fucking grateful” than I am.  I was told to, get this, appreciate that shit just a little bit.

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I have a great life because of him?  Huh!  Yes, little girls, if you’re really really lucky you’ll marry a wonderful man who will cheat on you, lie to you, and leave you in financial ruin.  And when that happens you should appreciate it!  I guess all those tears I’ve shed not knowing what was going to happen to me or my kids were completely unnecessary because I’ve got a great life.  Thanks to him!  What’s a girl to do when she has this fantastic life thanks to her lying, cheating husband?  He’s feeling under appreciated.  Unappreciated, perhaps?  He is COMPLETELY SUPPORTING ME!  So, I did as he asked.  I thanked him.

I thanked him for letting me follow him all around the country for 20 years.  I thanked him for moving me and my kids 2000 miles across the country, for taking us away from our friends, for taking Rock Star away from gymnastics and crushing her dreams of a scholarship, and for taking Picasso away from hockey all so that he could take his dream job which he quit 18 months later and also so that he could fuck his cousin.  I thanked him for sharing naked pictures of me with her and for playing Daddy of the Year to her kids while he ignored his own.  I thanked him for abandoning his kids and leaving us in financial ruin.  I even thanked him for paying his court ordered support.

Do you think he *appreciated* the fact that I thanked him as he wanted me to do?  Absolutely not!  He responded by calling me a classless bitch who lives off of him and told me it was no wonder he left me.  Then he asked me how it felt to be living off of him with my college education that he paid for.

I am flummoxed!  He asked me to be grateful.  He wanted to be appreciated.  I thanked him!  Perhaps I left something out.  Maybe I should have thanked him for all the lies he told me.  Or for walking out the door without saying a word to his kids about moving.  I thought I covered that in the whole “abandoning your kids and leaving us in financial ruin” but maybe I needed to say more.

Oh, he does not sound happy, does he?  Let’s examine his insults, shall we?  First, I’m a bitch.  OK, I’ll give you that one.  But I did warn him.  I told him the first time around that I had been very nice for the last 18 years and he wouldn’t like me as an ex-wife.  I try not to lie.

Second, I have no class?  Dude, you’re fucking your cousin!  It was so tempting to attach one of Harley’s mugshots and reply, “I have no class?  Really?”  But I didn’t.  Furthermore, he doesn’t even know who his father is; his paternity has been treated like a family joke.  I’ve had more social interaction with ex-convicts having been married to him than I have in all my other interactions period.  Marrying me was the best thing that ever happened to that lying turd. I brought him UP in social standings.

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Third, I’m living off of him.  Well, of course I am!  That’s what he wanted.  Has he forgotten already all those times he said, “You can get a job but it better not interfere with mine!  I’m not going to help out around here either!”?  I didn’t pursue a career so that I could follow him around.  Did he forget that part of the apology, too?  Thank you for letting me follow you around the country for 20 years.  It was right there in black and white!  My career was HIM!  It was following him around, supporting him, and taking care of the house and kids. I can’t help it that he decided to change the rules 20 years into it.  Does he honestly think I’m going to re-enter the workforce seventeen years later and begin making even close to what he makes?  More importantly, does he believe it’s going to significantly lower his support payments?  Whatever happened to, “We both know you’ll be well cared for for the rest of your life,” and “This can be civil,”?  Is it possible that he’s not so much pissed off that he still has to “support me” but more so that he can’t both support me and my kids plus support Harley and her four kids?  I think we’ve got a winner! It must suck when your well laid dreams with your whore don’t pan out like you were expecting.

Fourth, no wonder he left me?  Oh, you flaming turd shot straight from Satan’s ass, that’s not how it played out.  You didn’t leave me.  You cheated on me.  Then I filed for divorce and left you.  If you had actually left me that might possibly be admirable.  But you didn’t.  You snuck around like the maggot covered pile of cow shit you are and humped your whore of a cousin, all the while lying to me.  Don’t forget, according to your latest lies, I kicked you out of the house!

And finally,  he paid for my college education?  Oh dear, once again he goes off the rails.  We are smack-dab in the middle of Delusion Land!  I met this jackass more than two years after I graduated from college.  My mother paid for my college education! I had one small loan that I had taken out to pay for my final semester after I dropped out for a semester.  I paid the interest on that loan even while I was in college.  I paid the loan for over two years before I even met him.  When we decided to pay off bills the remainder of my college loan was one of those debts.  We were BOTH working.  So how on earth does that translate into him paying for my college education?  Next thing you know he will have paid for me to get my PhD and given me capital to start up several businesses.  Oh please let him bring that shit before a judge!

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Did I point any of this out to him?  Of course not!  As we can see he is having himself quite the temper tantrum.  So I attempted to diffuse the situation.

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<Sheepish grin>  Yeah, I really did ask him that.  Like I said, there was so much misinformation spewing forth from him that it would be pointless to try to counter it.

It certainly got an enthusiastic response!  He told me that he sure the hell was because I was lazy and living off of him  I needed to contribute to the family and use my education (you know, the one he fictitiously paid for).  He is tired of paying me money when he could be using that money to buy shit for the whore!  Naturally, he didn’t add that part.  That’s all me.

Contribute to the family?  Isn’t that what I’m already doing?  I’m raising his kids with absolutely no help from him.  He doesn’t even live in the same state, much less the same town.  How can you possibly be labeled lazy when you’re doing All. The. Damn. Work?  Who is up in the morning, making omelets and biscuits and gravy for breakfast before school?  Who is doing the laundry?  Who fixed the doorknob?  Who makes sure the kids are up and ready to go in the morning?  Who does the grocery shopping and packs the school lunches and makes them dinner?  Who takes them to school and practice and picks them up?  Who is around for field trips and meets and games?  Who is looking after the dogs and cats?  Who takes them to church?  Who is making sure the bills are paid?  Who is paying for his auto insurance? Who paid his last payment on his damn car?  Maybe a certain someone should be a little *grateful* to me!

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Again, realizing that he is tantruming like a two year old and is once again stuck in victim mode where everything is being done to.him and he has done.nothing to bring any of it on himself, I simply thank him once again for his comments and let him know I will take them under advisement.

That is where this story ends.  Turns out the dumbass was smart enough at least in this instance to quit while he was ahead.  Or at least not too far behind.

I know some of you may be thinking, “But, Sam, he’s being so mean!  He’s such an ass!  Aren’t you furious at him for saying those things?  Doesn’t it hurt your feelings?”  Nah.  You have to respect someone in order for anything they say to hurt you.  I don’t respect him.  It would be like Hitler telling someone they aren’t a very nice person, or Ted Bundy giving dating tips.  Not really the people you turn to in your time of need.  He’s fucking his cousin, he cheated on his wife, he abandoned his kids, and he took off out of the state without saying a word to any of us.  There is absolutely nothing he can say to me that will hurt my feelings.

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6 thoughts on “You Mad, Bro?

  1. I used to think taking the high road was always the best but now I think telling them exactly what pieces of shit they are is the way to go and laughing at their ridiculousness is much more fun! however I don’t quit until they shut up with their bullshit – I call them out on every single stupid untrue thing they say until they can’t take anymore because I’m tired of people believing their own bullshit and thinking they got me believing it – stupid fuckers

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    1. I think you might be right. 🙂 I’ve been so good for so long and really I wasn’t even that mean. Yes, I did throw around the contempt charges but I also stressed I’d prefer not to do that. The list of things I thanked him for was lengthy and probably sent him over the edge but it was also true. Of course, the next time (today actually) I will go back to being gray rock. Not as satisfying but I hope it pays off in the end.

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