I thought I’d try something new today. Facebook has a Throwback Thursday in which I never participate so I thought instead of posting old pictures of myself or my kids on Facebook I’d take an old entry from my alternate FB page and post it here. As most of you know ol’ Cousinfucker got his panties in a bunch when the “blog” I had on the alternate FB page came to his attention. Imagine the gall of his cheated on wife actually having lingering feelings about that betrayal! The hell, you say!
I don’t like being restricted to only posting these on Thursday so I’m going to go with “A Blast From the Past”. I think it’s perfect- a tradition from FB whereby you revisit your past, combined with the FB “blog posts” that ultimately led to CF seeking out Harley again because he felt that was such a huge betrayal. You think that’s a betrayal, Cousinfucker? Try finding out your husband is having sex with his cousin after moving you and your kids across the country. Discover that he’s been sending the whore money and buying her and her daughter cell phones and then paying their bill all summer. That’s a betrayal! Writing about your hurt feelings when your husband cheats on you with a whore? That’s called a consequence. Look it up!
I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out exactly why that phrase: Our marriage is better than ever… bugs me. I think it’s like this. He cheats on me and what does he get in return? Why, his marriage is better than ever! He has a wife who is more engaged than ever, who is having sex with him a lot more, texting him all day, sharing every mundane facet of her life with him as he requested. And why? Because the whore kept him apprised of her every move. If she farted, she told him. If she went from one spot to the next that was earth shattering news and she simply had to share that info! So now he’s replaced the whore with me. I’m the one that has to text and share even when there’s nothing much to say. Hell, a week ago I was telling him about misplaced by-laws. Who the fuck cares and how does that impact a marriage? I’m the one he sexts with now, and dammit, I better be available all the time, just like Harley was. It’s not that he ever says that; it’s just the way I feel. I always need to be on all the time. If I’m not maybe he’ll seek out Harley again. So to sum up he now has his wife acting like his whore, taking over where she left off. Which then begs the question, does he love me or does he really love her? I mean, I highly doubt he ever asked her to be more like me. And yet our entire “better marriage” is based on me acting like the whore. Text me all day long like she did. Sext with me while I’m at work like she did. Send me naked pictures like she did. Tell me every single thing you’re doing and let me know every single place you’re going, just like she did. In other words, if he can’t have her maybe he can get me to act like her.
And what do I get? Hmmm… Well, after a summer of silence he’s finally telling me he loves me again. He’s more willing to hold hands and even kiss me in public. He tells me he’s madly in love with me, that I own him. He tells me he will buy me anything I want but I doubt that. When something is pointed out he’ll say it’s too expensive. He talks about trips he wants to take with me. We did manage a weekend away once, and we’ve gone out to dinner as a couple on more than a few occasions. He’s more physical with me, and he tells me more often I’m pretty. He says I’m his best friend, the one who makes all things possible in his life. I’m just not sure if any of that comes close to everything he’s gained. I’m not sure being asked to replace his whore is such an honor. Especially in light of the fact that he’s been battling anxiety since about a week before Thanksgiving. Yeah, she gets all of the I love you’s, all the romance and fantasy, all the misty-eyed planning of their life together and their perfect little future, and I’m here in reality, telling him everything is going to be ok and helping him through it. And that brings up another dilemma.
I was reading old texts and he admitted he had told his sister that the whore made him happy. The whore makes him happy. He was happier in those 3 1/2 months, sneaking around with her and planning their new life together, and lying and humiliating me, than he’s ever been with me. So again, why did he choose me? Was I comfortable and familiar? Did he fear losing his kids? Did he just figure he could transform me into her? I may not be the real thing but if I was willing to try to be like her, and he could still have access to his kids and not have to go through a messy and extremely ugly divorce… Why not?
In the end I think that’s why I don’t like that phrase: Our marriage is better than ever before. It’s based on him getting everything he wants and transforming me into the whore that almost destroyed my family. And I get… words and promises.
Added two days later: And let’s face it. All of those things he’s now saying to me? I’d bet money he said the same to her. I’m not special.