Cry Me A River

I swear he is the saddest of the sad sausages.  I’m dealing with a child who will soon have her actual driver’s license, one that will entitle her to get in a car and drive with no adult present.  She has been told for years that when she’s ready to drive she will get her dad’s car and he would buy a beater truck, which for some reason, was his dream.  Then reality punched us in the face.  Her dad fucked his cousin, we’re living on 66% of what we used to have while I pay 100% of the bills, and he refuses to contribute a single penny above what he is court ordered to pay.  He’s a real Prince Charming and an excellent father according to the whore.  As I’ve said before I believe the person to bestow “excellent father” credentials on him should be his actual children, but I digress.

She tried to call him the other day but coward that he is he wouldn’t pick up the phone.  She was left texting him instead.  She merely asked him if he could get a loan and she would make the payments.  He once again begins giving her his sob story:  I just sent your mother $$$$$! (Well, yes, you did but you also sent me my share of the bonus check which means you, too, have that much money!  You keep leaving that part out!)  Your mom takes 75% of my paycheck.  Everything I make I send to you guys.  I don’t even know if I would qualify for a loan because I have no money.

She looks at me while she’s texting him and asks, “Does he honestly expect me to feel sorry for him?  He put himself in this situation!”  I know, Rock Star; I know.  It is sad when your teenage daughter has more common sense than the man you called a husband for twenty plus years.

I wish I could say that was the best part of the conversation but it got so much better.  He sarcastically thanks her for remembering him on Memorial Day.  “Memorial Day is for remembering the dead, not thanking the living,” she retorts.  She should know that Memorial Day is the worst for him, he tells her.  Boo fucking hoo!  I’ve got an idea.  Why don’t you turn to your conniving, gold digging whore for comfort on that day?  Rock Star did say she was tempted to tell him she figured he was busy with Harley and didn’t want to disturb him.  Instead she told him the worst day of her life was finding out that her dad was cheating on her mom.  Put down any drinks you may be consuming.  Make sure there is no food in your mouth; I wouldn’t want you to choke.  His reply to this?  I’m sorry about that but your mother never loved me.

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.  Rock Star was astounded.  How can he say that?  “You did so much for him!  You wouldn’t have done all of that if you didn’t love him, would you?” she asks me.

I shake my head thinking about his distorted thinking.  Your mother never loved me therefore I was entitled to cheat on her.  Well, sure!  Go fuck your cousin then!  Who wants to do something so practical as file for divorce or attempt actual marital counseling where you don’t sit there like a bump on a log and let your wife do all the talking and then complain because you don’t like the truth?  This divorce shit is hard and it’s no fun doing it alone!  No, instead let’s find someone to hold your hand, wipe your brow and suck your dick while you fuck me over.  That’s the only sensible thing to do.  Line up your next sucker before you get rid of the previous sucker.

I wish I could say that was the end of the conversation but alas, it was not.  He informs her that he was in a car accident that day and he almost died!  Does anyone else notice the death motif that seems to permeate his life?  Every crisis brings him thisclose to death!  He is always almost dying.  I can’t decide if he’s extremely unfortunate or extremely lucky.  Hmmm…. so close to the jaws of death and yet he always manages to save himself at the last minute.  Tough call.  You would think that with all these close brushes with death he might decide to be a better person…

He ended the conversation by telling her he sometimes wanted to just run his car off the road and die.  She told me it was really hard for her not to tell him to go ahead.  Instead she said nothing and I’m sure he’s crying about that now.  No one cares if I die!!!

Along with being the saddest of sausages he’s also one of the most stupid sausages.  I found out this week that he’s using Harley’s address as his home address for taxes.  Blech!  So either he’s lying and he’s going to potentially have to pay state income tax in two different states (dumbass!) or he’s commuting some 90 minutes each way at the very least every day.  I also discovered that his new job came with a promotion.  Yet his net income is actually less than what he was making.  What kind of an idiot moves out of state, away from his kids, and takes a promotion that doesn’t even pay him 5% more than his current salary?  Idiot!

I have heard it said that it is almost impossible to get to Meh when you’re still going through the divorce.  I might have to disagree with that.  I no longer have any fucks to give.  At this point he is more comedy fodder than anything.  I’m not sure how that will ever stop being the case when you’re dealing with someone who is so completely dealing outside of the realm of reality.  Nonetheless, it sure feels like Tuesday most days.

8 thoughts on “Cry Me A River

  1. He’s an idiot that’s for sure. But only thing I’d say is to maybe watch how much you tell your daughter. I know she’s there with you and she deals directly with his abandonment and incompetence but it’s quite a heavy emotional burden for her to carry at such a young age. I remember this at her age with my own parent’s divorce. I was mature and strong for my age but it still wasn’t appropriate for me to be so involved. I became a bit reckless and resentful for a bit. My mom tells me now, almost 20 yrs later, that she regrets involving us so much in the emotional charged and angry stuff of the divorce. I know CF does nothing to help you and he also drags the kids into his woe is me circus so I wish you lots of luck. Xo


    1. I had this entire long reply to you and then it wouldn’t post. So, naturally I fell asleep and then I couldn’t pull my response back up. Grrr!

      I’m curious as to how you were involved in your parent’s divorce. I certainly don’t want to put either of my kids in that situation. I have a friend here in town who has said her own daughter later told her that she had leaned on her way too much during the divorce. I guess it’s just a very thin line between being honest and giving them too much information. It’s hard with older kids because they are so much more aware. Plus, the one time I tried the whole, “Oh, let me worry about that. That’s an adult issue and there’s no need for you to concern yourself with it. I’ll take care of it.” My son looked at me and replied, “Mom, it DOES concern me. This is my life and what you do affects me.” So, I’ve taken the route of answering their questions when asked, doing my best not to editorialize, just sticking to the facts. If I don’t know the answer I’m honest about that as well. I also figure that at their ages they are old enough to manage their own relationship with him. If they were under the age of 12 I would run more interference but they’re not. They both have cell phones. He has their numbers. He’s the one that moved and changed phones and didn’t bother to inform his kids. He also lived here for almost 6 months after D-Day so he’s had plenty of chances to maintain a relationship with them on his own.

      I did tell them why we were divorcing and that yes, all of their relatives on their dad’s side knew what was happening and no, they didn’t seem to have a problem with it. Of course, they asked me both of those questions, too. I didn’t volunteer it. I also had to tell them their dad moved out of state.

      Additionally, I’ve been as upfront about the money situation as I can be. I want to reassure them that we are not poor but we are still paying the same bills. I used to take my daughter clothes shopping all the time. If there was something either of them wanted and it wasn’t outrageous chances are I would get it for them. I can no longer do that. I’m not bashing him. I’m simply telling them the truth. I would say the same thing if CF and I were still together and he took a job that paid less.

      And as you pointed out above he is the one that drags them into this. He’s the one telling them his tales his woe and portraying himself as a victim. I listen to them, well, mainly my daughter because he doesn’t bother with my son, and sympathize. I have told her that if she wants to have a relationship with him she is going to have to drop her vendetta against him because he doesn’t do anything that’s difficult. That’s a fact and I prefer to think of it more as a tip, same as when she reads me a really nasty text to him and I tell her I would advise not sending that. Most of what you read here is stuff that he has said to the kids and then I blog about it and his stupidity.

      For my part, I don’t bitch about him to either of them. I vent here and to my friends and family. Most of the time when I’m actually talking on the phone the kids aren’t here so they can’t even accidentally overhear me and my conversations. Even during the worst times, like in the very beginning and right after he moved and quit his job here, I kept it together in front of them. The only time they’ve ever seen me cry was when I told them about the divorce and that was the first time I had cried, period. If you’ve got any other ideas I’m all ears. They’ve already got one parent who pulls them into all kinds of crap. I’d like to remain the sane parent who keeps their lives calm and stable. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I just did the same damn thing. I typed a long ass message and somehow hit the back button and lost it all!!! Damn it!!!!!!

        The infidelity details are not for the kids. But I think you’re already not doing that. I think making them not feel “burdened” by the info you give is important. CF is the main culprit here. He needs to treat the kids with the respect and courtesy they deserve. And they should be responsive when he’s trying, if he ever does. If only he’d see the pain he causes them by his actions are worse than anything his ego has ever experienced, he’d change his behavior. But he’s a shallow, manipulative, narcissistic asshole having his ego fed by his whore girlfriend so it might be awhile before the lightbulb really goes off in his head. Id say continue to encourage your kids to have some sort of relationship with him so that they can one day hopefully restore their relationship. And if your bitterness doesn’t show, you are doing your kids a favor. My mom was bitter for so long. It seeped out of her pores and it was very sad for all.

        I became confidant to each of my parents since I was the only one that knew everything and that they could trust. My mom fell apart and my dad went to live with his mistress. It was a disaster. My mom was bitter for years. And my little sister felt like she was choosing sides all the time and felt guilty if she was having fun with my dad and his gf. My dad was very involved in our lives though so he worked hard at maintaining a relationship. And he always encouraged us to adore our mom. But I was very angry at him and felt abandoned. I was reckless for a bit but got myself together. I left for college and never really came back home. I’m glad I maintained a good relationship with my parents though. My dad died of a heart attack 10 years after that and I’m very grateful I don’t carry the regret of not having had a relationship with him.

        I’ve heard over and over that kids do as well as their moms do. You’ve shown resilience and strength and courage. Continue to be the model they need and love. Xo


  2. I read your posts and they make me both smile (you are a great mom!) and grimace (you xH is amazingly stupid). It’s difficult to fathom how a man could do this to his children.

    Liked by 1 person

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