I’m a thinker. I’ve been trying to analyze my thoughts towards my in-laws. If I’m being honest I suppose I should have expected exactly what I got. As his sister said, “He’s my brother and I love him unconditionally.” Yes, he is her brother. And I should have expected she would love him and support him no matter what. I should have expected she would keep me in the dark and feel no obligation to speak up on my behalf. Because he is her brother.
And I suppose if I’m truly honest I shouldn’t be surprised that when it comes out the whore was the other woman no one would turn away. Afterall, she is family, right? My friend tried to point out that I’m family, too, but unfortunately, I don’t think it works that way.
I was foolish to believe that everything I had done over the last 18-19 years would count in my favor. The times I sent flowers to the hospital. The birthday and Christmas gifts I bought. The many times I took the kids to see them when my husband stayed at home. In the beginning it was a 7-7 1/2 hour trip which actually took more like 10-12 hours with an infant, and then with a toddler and an infant. Then we moved and it was a 25-26 hour trip. The checks I convinced my husband to let me write (although to be fair there was not a lot of arm twisting)- the $200 check for clothes for my nephew; two months worth of rent + that month’s truck payment + a $300 check while they were out here; the “loan” for the t.v. they wanted… that’s only a partial list. All the times I would extend my trip out east so that my kids would get to see both families because after driving the 3 days to get to my mom’s I would then drive another 6 hours to go see them for a week. None of that mattered. The only thing that mattered was that my husband and his whore were family and I, ultimately, was not.
So that’s where I am. I’m not bitter. I have no feelings of animosity towards them. It has nothing to do with liking them or not liking them. This whole affair simply reminded me of my place. I am disposable, replaceable. As long as he’s fucking me we have a relationship. Or, we did. If he chooses to fuck someone else they throw me away like a used tissue. I don’t need people like that in my life. He is their family. I am not. And that makes them not my family. I owe them nothing.
He chose Harley. She was supposedly the love of his life, his soul mate. So his sister tossed me, her old, used up “sister”, aside for her whore of a cousin, her new “sister”. Then he decided he made a mistake and really, I was the love of his life. So now again I’m the sister. No, I don’t play that way. We either have an authentic relationship or we don’t. And his sister has shown by her actions that we don’t. Our relationship is based on whether or not her brother is fucking me. Once he decides he’s done with me, she’s done with me.
Same with his nephew. I guess it was too much to expect for him to tell him he didn’t want to be put in the middle of this, that he actually liked me. No, he told him he had his back. No problem. Bring your little homewrecking whore on over and I’ll tattoo her just like she’s already married to you, even though your wife and kids are sitting at home back in YYY state. So, now we no longer have any sort of relationship. It’s not retaliatory. It’s preservation. He’s got Zack’s back; he doesn’t have mine. I’m not his family. Or rather, as long as Zack is fucking me I’m family, but the minute Zack decides he’d rather fuck someone else I’m no longer family. I’m no longer worthy of respect or dignity.
And his parents. Well, despite knowing Harley is a skank ass whore, they still seem to love her. Tell her how pretty she is. Converse with her. Ask her for her sausage balls. She’s family that they can never distance themselves from. I’m just the current woman Zack’s fucking. My position in the family is completely dependent upon whatever Zack decides to do with me. If he tosses me aside they won’t give me another glance. And again, why would I waste my time with people like that? Why would I choose holidays with them, people who could be out of my life tomorrow, over my own family? Maybe the next time they need a loan they should call her up and ask her to help them out. I hope she’s able to make that extremely long 1 hour trip to see them, now that I’ve decided there’s no point in me making a 26 hour drive to see them. She’s been such a huge part of their life these past 19 years (yes, that’s sarcasm. I’ve never seen the bitch in my life and we’ve been together 19 1/2 years). Hope they enjoy holidays with her.
Let’s see if I can summarize quickly in this last paragraph. They are not my family and I’m wasting time pursuing any kind of a relationship with them. It’s not bitterness or animosity that leads me to this conclusion. They did exactly what I would expect the majority of people to do in the case of an affair. But their actions opened my eyes to the fact that they are first and foremost Zack’s family and I am really nothing as far as they are concerned, despite any of my efforts to go above and beyond. Perhaps it’s a short sighted view, but my husband has already cheated on me once. I have no guarantee that he won’t do it again. I could be out on my ass by this time next year and they wouldn’t care; they would be embracing the new woman. So why bother? I have my own family and they will never embrace the whore.
I would like to add that I don’t feel like his sister is truly supportive of our relationship. I don’t mean that I think she will actively try to sabotage us, or that she won’t support him. I simply don’t believe she can understand him telling her our marriage was beyond repair and he had found happiness and love with another, and then changing his mind and deciding to make things work with me. She’s never left a husband without having another one waiting in the wings. I believe she thinks he got cold feet, that he truly loved Harley and is staying with me only out of duty. I think she believes they were meant to be together and he made the wrong choice in staying with me. I think she believes he’s miserable with me and won’t be happy until he leaves me and reunites with his true love.