My List of Things I Won’t Miss

FYI: This is not a comprehensive list.

I won’t miss him turning every little mishap into a major catastrophe.

I won’t miss never being able to be sad, disappointed, angry, depressed…. because he laid claim to all those emotions and declared, “Only one of us can be unhappy at a time and that’s me!”

I won’t miss him groping me in public.

I won’t miss him crying all the time and having “nervous breakdowns” in public.  Yes, I know; this makes me sound like an incredible bitch.  But you know what?  It is amazing to me how he is suddenly 100% better.  I would bet my spousal support that he doesn’t go out in public and weep while he’s with Harley.

I won’t miss him hanging all over me at inopportune times.  My daughter even asked me the other night, “How did you drive while he was hanging all over you?  Didn’t that bug you?”

I won’t miss him asking me to send him naked pictures.

I won’t miss having sex with him.  I wasn’t that impressed.

I won’t miss not having a partner even though I’m married.  Life is lonely when your significant other would prefer to sit up in the bedroom and watch tv all the time instead of hanging with you and the kids.  We went to a baseball game last spring and I was freaking out because I couldn’t find any parking.  Instead of calming me down he simply agreed when I said I was done and ready to go home (this was a two hour drive to get there so not some neighborhood game), and then continued to feed his own panic and despair.

I won’t miss feeling guilty that I’m not upstairs sitting in the bedroom, watching SportsCenter or some stupid A&E show about some stupid profession that I have no interest in.

I am thankful that I never have to deal with his traitorous sister or his backstabbing mother again.

Overall, I think I’m just glad I no longer have to pretend.  I don’t have to pretend that it’s fine that he never accompanied me anywhere.  I don’t have to convince him that I’m ok living here because it’s no longer any of his business whether this town makes me happy or not.  I don’t have to conceal my feelings of sadness or disappointment.  I don’t have to pretend that I’ve completely FORGOTTEN his emotional affair, or that it never triggers me.

I won’t miss having to deal with his drinking.

I won’t miss having to deal with his “issues”.  No more of him coming downstairs to weep about how he’s not a murderer!  No more crying on his 12 or 13 year old son’s shoulder.  No more dealing with him expecting his KIDS to prop him up.

I won’t ever be moved anywhere again unless *I* decide I wish to move.

I’m free to go about my life with my kids and not have to include him.  He was rarely interested anyway so at least this way I don’t need to bother with asking.

I won’t miss feeling guilty if I fall asleep on the couch.  Apparently, after kicking me out of the bed for over 7 years, once he decided to let me back in it he considered it a personal insult if I fell asleep on the couch watching tv instead of climbing in bed with him.

I won’t miss trying to convince myself that our anniversary is really something great to be celebrated instead of a sham since he ruined it with his emotional affair with Harley.  Never again will I be forced to celebrate that day and pretend that everything is absolutely perfect.

I won’t miss kissing his ass and it never being enough.

I won’t miss trying so hard to make him happy only to realize that NOTHING I do will ever make him happy because he is not a happy person and he will never be a happy person.

2 thoughts on “My List of Things I Won’t Miss

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