6 Months Later

I was reading through the Chump Lady archives again when I came across a comment.

I remember six months ago, my best friend said to me as I was sobbing on the phone with her, “In six months you will feel so much better and your life will be so much better.”… sure enough, on the six month anniversary of DDay I had an insanely fun first date and didn’t even realize that the six month “anniversary” of the emotional apocalypse had passed until the next morning, when I woke up laughing hysterically. It’s amazing what getting a vampiric asshole out of your life does for your happiness.

When I look back at my own six month “anniversary” I realize I was finding out he had quit his job of fifteen years. I was finding out he had moved out of the state.  I spent a week crying, not knowing if I was going to have to pull my kids out of school, completely upend their lives, and move in with my mom. I had no idea if he had received his bonus.  I had no idea if he was going to screw me over when it came to me getting my half.  I didn’t know if we were going to be able to pay off the pool as outlined in the court order. No insanely fun first date for me! Nope, just tears and fears. Hey, that would make a great name for a band!

Ten months after DDay (to the exact day!) I found out he’s lost his new job and isn’t planning on sending me anymore money. About a week later I realize he’s going to play the long con and do outpatient therapy until we get in front of a judge. I have to break the news to my kids that they are going to be uprooted again. And not only are we moving but we are going to leave behind almost everything we own!  I sure could use that insanely fun date, or a fantastic dinner out with a great group of friends.  Instead I get, “Hey, how about another shit sundae?”

Perhaps it is because now, at the eleven month marker I am currently going through all the rooms in my house and deciding what to discard, what to try to sell, and what I’ll take with me and store, but I am not feeling like my life is so much better and I certainly don’t feel so much happier than on that evening back in August when my life was blown apart.  In fact, I’m looking at working a low paying job that will barely pay my bills, even with overtime, much less feed my kids or God forbid, allow me to buy them something they need or want! Perhaps I’ll make some new friends but I’ll be so fucking poor I won’t be able to go out and do anything with them.  I listed all those great restaurants we have access to now, but again, I’m going to be so fucking poor I can’t take my kids out to eat. I’m going to be signing up my kids for free lunches and waivers on their book fees.  Oh that is the life!  Welcome the poor kids to the neighborhood, everybody!

My kids and I have no home to call our own; we are moving in with my mom.  It is her house, not ours.  I will probably never have a home of my own again. I am selling off almost all of my possessions and the few that I am keeping are going into storage. So no, I am not feeling so much better nor am I any happier at the six month mark, or the ten month mark, or the eleventh month mark. He keeps shitting all over me and any plans I make. I am not holding out any hope that things will magically get better at the twelve month mark, or the thirteenth, or the eighteenth or even the twenty-fourth. I pretty much expect things to just keep sucking from here on out.

I would love to think that in another 3 or 6 months I’ll be here raving about my new life.  I’d love to think I will find a great paying job that I love and that my kids are happy and thriving. I would love to be able to tell every one of you that I’m doing well with no help from CF and while we’ve had to adjust our lifestyle a bit we’re doing just fine. I would like to be able to report that I’ve made new friends and I’m volunteering and I’m just so busy and happy and my life is oh so full.  I’d love to tell you that maybe things won’t be so much better at the six month anniversary, but at twelve months or eighteen months life is fantastic. Maybe it will be but I’m not holding my breath.  I know I’ve been fairly upbeat these last few entries so I’m sorry to bring anyone down.  It’s probably just the reality of having to go through all my things and sell off everything I’ve accumulated over the last 20 years. Oh well, fresh start, right? Thanks, CF!  I hope you get one of those one of these days!

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9 thoughts on “6 Months Later

  1. The truth is that some months u will find yourself in a good place, and some you won’t. That being said, I think you will find the general trend is upwards. Hang in there lovely! ❤️

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    1. Thank you, Caroline. I would really like to hope for an upward swing but today has been tough. I’m trying to get rid of things I’ve had for years and years.

      Yesterday I came across notes from people I volunteered with and they were all thanking me and wishing me luck on my new adventure. What a kick in the teeth!

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  2. Time is the healer for everything. You move from constant, sharp pain to a dull throbbing. And eventually that recedes in the background. Hang in there.

    This advice is as much to me as it is to you. I’m in the very beginning of a long period of recovery.

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  3. I know that this doesn’t help right now, but is someone tracking what he owes you? I am guessing if he wants to keep the cousin happy he is going to eventually have to return to work. His arrearage needs to be tracked. Have your or your attorney confirmed his status or is it still speculation? If he gets SSDI, that can be garnished.

    I am so sorry that you got a particularly rotten one. I am really sorry for your kids, not because they will suffer some of what you are worried about, but because their father is a POS loser. Your kids will be fine because they have you.

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    1. Aww, thanks Alice. You always cheer me up.

      I have kept track. I have copies of his credit cards and our bank statements when he decided to use money from our account to fund their weekend. We also have his bank records. Yeah, I haven’t written about that yet. They opened a joint checking account back in August. He was the only one to deposit money in it until January once the support order came through, but she always had access to it and spent, spent, spent.

      I’m pretty sure the $4200 charge was for the diamond ring he bought her. There are also utility payments, eye care payments, payments to her lawyer…

      He was depositing a little over half of his paycheck into that account until he had to begin paying back the loan he took out on his 401k.

      I’m crossing my fingers I have a very sympathetic judge.

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  4. You know, I find myself in a similar place. Trying to figure which part of our lives matter enough to keep and which parts to let go. Overwhelmed by the shear amount of stuff he owned and that it seems so useless now that he’s gone. You pick yourself up, you move on. You don’t worry about that shit and you concentrate on being healthy and self for you and your kids. That’s all you can do.

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