Blast From the Past 27
Something to take to heart:
Don’t Make The Other Person More Important Than They Are:
He/she happened to be in the right spot at the right time. They are nothing special. Your spouse was looking for an affair, not looking for them in particular. They are not superior to you, they are simply different from you. You are the husband or wife, all they are is a distraction. Your role in your spouse’s life far outweighs their role.
I’m not particularly fond of the thought he was “looking for an affair” but I do appreciate the sentiment that she was simply in the right place at the right time. I think that’s true. We had been struggling for a while. He tells me he thought he was only a paycheck to me and that we lived like roommates. He even told me he didn’t think I cared about him or our marriage anymore, and that I probably wouldn’t even care about his affair with her.
He reconnects with Harley on Facebook; she’s in the same boat and BAM- a recipe ripe for disaster.
And then, of course, you have the fantasy of the affair. Two perfect people with no problems. No one interferes. No one else is making demands. And it’s all wishing and dreaming. No reality.
Harley, you were nothing. All talk of marriage and love ended the moment I put my foot down and he realized if he was going to have you in his life he was going to have to make it real, no more fantasies. You were a diversion, nothing more. You weren’t soul mates. You weren’t destined to be together. You hadn’t finally found “the one”. You were just a sad, pathetic affair partner who happened to be in the right place at the right time, and who he now doesn’t even want to be reminded of.
Editor’s Note: Again, that didn’t work out entirely the way I thought it was going to. Live and learn, I suppose. I still believe this whole thing between them is going to implode and when it does it is going to be amazing.
Looking back I am struck by what a whiny, entitled baby CF is. “I’m just a paycheck and a handyman to you. Waaaaa! I didn’t think you’d even care that I was planning on marrying someone else while I was already married to you.” I’m also struck by the copious amounts of bullshit I willingly ate in order to preserve my marriage. “Oh, no, sweetie! I love you! How can I make this up to you? Tell me which dance you’d like me to dance to- the choose me cha-cha? The pick-me polka? The stay-with-me samba? Hey- how ‘bout the fuck you foxtrot?” That’s what I should have offered up!