How I Am

We’re settling in here. Boxes are slowly being unpacked. The kids both have their rooms unpacked and everything put away and fixed up just like they want it.  Picasso told my mom that he likes his room here even better than his old room, even though it’s smaller. Rock Star has said she likes her new room but she misses the size of her old one.

I don’t know how we’re going to fit everything into this house.  I swear most of what I packed up was pictures and clothes. I grabbed movies, puzzles and books by four of my favorite authors. The kids have their stuff, including furniture. I ended up bringing the magnolia painting with me. Aside from that the only furniture I brought was my jewelry armoire and my cedar chest. I was going to bring my sofa table but the person who bought our sectional really loved it and I finally caved and sold it. I also brought a pizza pan, a muffin pan, 2 baking dishes with lids, one big plastic bowl, my blender, my Keurig, some plastic utensils and other kitchen do dads, a few of our favorite mugs, even fewer cups, and a plate I made for my daughter years ago. For any of you wondering why I didn’t make one for my son, I did but he broke it before we moved the last time. I might have brought my brand new hand mixer that CF bought me our last Christmas together but I haven’t seen it so I’m not completely sure it made the move. I did bring some beach towels and aprons, plus my cookbooks. I’m still not sure where we’re going to put everything and I pared down to next to nothing!

I went to the store yesterday to grab some fruit and muffins; I almost broke down crying right in the store upon seeing some of their inspirational signs.  I had bought a few of mine there on trips back home and saw at least 2 that I had sold. I still have some rough moments. We’ve been walking the dogs along this crazy busy street and I realize that I’ve spent almost 20 years living on either quiet side streets or in subdivisions.

My dogs are eating all of my mom’s dog’s food. His bowl is still in the kitchen but my mom didn’t think there would be room for four food bowls and four water bowls so mine have theirs down in the utility room.  They don’t like going in there so now I have to chase them out of the kitchen constantly and in order to get them to eat I have to stand in the room with them. Delightful!

I worry about getting a job. I don’t just worry that I’ll be working for almost nothing and won’t be able to support my kids; I also worry that I won’t even get hired to begin with. It’s been 17 years since I’ve worked outside of the home. What the hell do I even put on a job application after all these years? It’s like I’m starting all over again with absolutely no job experience. Hooray!  Thank you, Cousinfucker, for waiting until I was almost 50 before you decided to go off and fuck your cousin.  It might have been ridiculously easy to get back into the work force if you had done this when I was 30 so thank you for providing me with this wonderful challenge.

I still need to register the kids for school. It’s only been two years since I’ve done this but for the life of me I couldn’t tell you what all I need to get them registered. I’m hoping I don’t need any kind of proof of address because I don’t have any mail yet and I obviously don’t have a deed or a lease agreement.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to court later this month. As those of you who have been following along at least since the beginning of June know, CF “lost” his job and let me know he wouldn’t be sending me anymore money. He did offer to let me throw him in jail so that was something. Actually, I believe what he said was something along the lines of, “I guess you’ll just throw me in jail now.” Anyway, my lawyer filed a motion to relieve me of paying the household bills and marital debt. Per our temporary support orders he would pay me and I in turn would pay all of the bills. Now with him no longer sending me anything I don’t really have a way to pay all of the bills. I’ve kept the utilities going and supported the kids but I couldn’t do everything the way I had been. According to his lawyer he will agree to everything in the motion; however, he wishes to suspend his support obligations until he either finds another job or receives disability. His lawyer’s reasoning is that if he is now paying all of the household bills he shouldn’t have to pay spousal support on top of that.

Now, first you need to know that he resigned from his current job; he did not get fired. This makes two jobs that he has quit in 6 months since agreeing to our temporary support order. When my lawyer passed along his lawyer’s comments I was nearing a nervous breakdown. I’m thinking that once again he’s screwing me over and after he gets out of paying spousal support he’s going to be fine; he’ll be off spending thousands every month. That seems to be his M.O. Any time a money issue comes up he retreats and has a mini breakdown.  Once the crisis is averted he’s fine.  He’s done it before when our house appraised at about 40k less than what we had refinanced it for only a year prior.  He was curled up in a ball in the bed all weekend, practically catatonic while I made phone calls and tried to make everything better.

When he thought I was going to leave him he ended up in a psych ward. His first words to my brother were, “Are you here to pack up my shit?” The irony here?  He wanted my brother to come visit.  I asked him if he wanted him to come down and he said yes!

Now these two idiots were spending money like they had a money tree growing out in their backyard. Once he had to write that check for the final pool payment and my half of the bonus check he suddenly found their bank account depleted. Suddenly they might have had to watch what they were spending instead of living it up. How do you keep your gold digging whore happy when she can’t spend willy nilly? I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he supposedly fell apart one month after he finally coughed up my half of the bonus check (once I got my lawyer involved) and two months before we could officially file for divorce. Many people say they believe he has a plan and it starts with getting his obligations suspended so he isn’t on the hook when we do a final settlement. That will also mean that I will have to track his ass down to find out whether or not he’s working.

After I send my attorney this rambling email where I’m explaining how I’m not sure I want to go along with this and give her all the reasons I don’t want to, she responds by telling me she wouldn’t suspend his obligations; if we do it gives him no incentive to get a job.  Plus, since he resigned it will be on him to prove that his “medical condition” makes it impossible for him to work. So I’m going with that which means I think we’ll be in court later this month so he can try to convince a judge that he shouldn’t have to pay me anything.

Can I just put a little plug in here for my lawyer before I go?  Obviously I’m not going to use her name but I’m so relieved I switched attorneys when I did.  I can’t imagine having to go through this with my former attorney. I’m fairly certain that at this point in the journey he would have told me that CF makes a really good point about the spousal support being suspended and he might have the judge’s ear and things might not go our way so we should probably agree to this. Then again, he was also the one that thought it would be a wash between what CF spent on the whore and what I transferred over from our joint accounts into my own account. When I told my new attorney that she was astounded. “No, it is not a wash! You spent that money on the household. He spent his on another woman. He should be reimbursing you for your half.”

That’s my life right now. Trying to fit my stuff into a house already stuffed full, worrying about finding a job, needing to register my kids for school, still crying, and probably headed to court. Cross your fingers, say a prayer, and/or send me positive vibes that the job search and court both go in my favor.

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