Reality Versus Fantasy

I realized that since I was on the road Thursday I didn’t do a TBT. I’m a little late but enjoy! This is a pretty good one, too.

Blast From the Past 35

April 2014

Here’s the more. Zack is not doing well with this move. He’s stressing over everything; his anxiety is out of control. He’s crying all the time, and seeing everything that can go wrong. He’s convinced we’re going to lose money on the house. When he gets like this I think of Harley and all she didn’t know about life with Zack.

First of all, if regular every day life stresses him out, how the Hell did he ever think he could live through a divorce and custody battle? He doesn’t like change, or the unknown, but he’s going to leave me, possibly lose his kids, have to sell his house (with no buyout safety net), and somehow start a life with his whore? Oh, I would have paid to have seen that! Add on the confusion of does he quit his job and find another one in his home state to be with her- yet another stressor because I know he doesn’t want to switch companies, or does she drop everything, possibly leaving behind children, to come out here and then he’s faced with the prospect of being the perfect partner because she’s given up so much to be with him? In hindsight, I would have enjoyed watching that play out. Even being broke and living with my mom I would have fared much better than him. I would have gotten on with my life. He would never have been able to forgive himself for deserting his children, and would never have gotten over their rejection of him.

Secondly, I believe I already wrote about how she only got the jolly Zack, the upbeat Zack, the I’m so in love with my soul mate and life is just grand Zack. I would love to be a fly on the wall the first time he called to talk to the kids and our daughter refused to speak to him. And if our son followed her lead? One of them rejecting him would have been devastating. Two of them? He’d be suicidal. I would love to watch as his beloved whore had to deal with him crying and going on about what a horrible person he was and what a failure as a father he was. He’s not so happy now, is he, Harley? Love didn’t solve that problem, did it? Maybe you could get down on your knees and suck his dick like you were so anxious to do and see if that makes the pain of his children rejecting him go away. I’m guessing it won’t.

I’d love to watch her have to deal with him when something small happens and he’s convinced himself that it’s a major catastrophe, and she needs to talk him down. Or, when he gets in these depressed, anxious moods and nothing you say or do can help.

Come on, baby, tell me how pretty I am. Tell me how happy I make you and how you’ve never felt this way before. I didn’t sign up for this! I wanted happy, and fun, and soul mate crap. We were supposed to pool all our money together and live a fantastic life. We were going to eat dinner together and buy our dream house. Your wife was supposed to be the root of all your unhappiness. Once we were together it was supposed to be all sunshine and roses and rainbows and unicorn glitter. I never signed on for real life, with stress and problems and your emotional instability. We love each other, remember? I make you HAPPY!

Joke’s on you, Harley! This is the real Zack. He’s broken. You need to have a lot of patience and love to deal with everything he brings to the table. You need to know when to intervene and when to let it go. You need to learn to deal with his mood swings and the fact that he won’t get serious about getting help. You have to accept the fact that you’re the one that needs to be grounded because he’s imagining worst case scenarios, and exaggerating even the most benign upsets. You have to be the strong one and you can never fall apart because you’ll be too busy holding him together. You can’t have a bad day because you need to get him through his bad days, and they are many. You need to realize his mind always goes to the worst possible result, and you’ll always need to be telling him he’s not worthless, or unlovable, or a failure.

I’ve built a life with him, Harley. I’ve accepted these things about him. He has many wonderful qualities, too. But I also know most women wouldn’t have lasted five years dealing with this. You? You wouldn’t have lasted a year. You thought you were getting a fairy tale romance. Your “love” was based on deceit and the thrill of being illicit. It was the two of you against the world, and you lived in your own little cocoon where the real world never dared to interfere. In your fantasy he was everything your husband was not, and you were everything I was not. It was complete and utter bullshit.

I’ve lived reality. I’ve moved across the country with him. I’ve endured miscarriages and infertility problems with him. I was there when his father died. I’ve been there in good times and bad. We’ve built a life together based on what is, not what we fantasized about. You would have been in for an extremely rude awakening. I’m almost sorry I didn’t get to witness it because I would have delighted in your joint misery.

Present Day Sam Says:  Looking back on this two years later is interesting.  I was right about some things and wrong about others. He’s been able to deal with his “move” because he didn’t have to do anything.  He walked out the damn door without saying a word to anyone.  Packed up a few clothes and called it good, while telling everyone I threw everything of his away.  He also didn’t seem to mind abandoning his kids.  That hasn’t bothered him nearly as much as I thought it would.

But he is going to have to sell this house at a loss this time around.  He did switch jobs; it didn’t last.  He is not doing well.  Harley is having to deal with all of this bullshit now and I don’t believe she’s going to make it five years.  She has made it a year but for probably the first 6 months they lived in a fantasy world. They were sneaking behind my back, welcomed with open arms by his dysfunctional family, he was giving her thousands of dollars and then later spending several more thousand on her and her kids.  Life was fun!  It was all sex and drinking and blowing money because I took what I was given and paid all the bills and took care of the kids.  Now he doesn’t have access to as much money.  So he has the sadz.  As for me?  I’m FREE!