98 or 99% But Never 100%

Blast From the Past 43

May 2014

I want to clear something up. I know I’ve been talking like I’m not completely convinced it’s over between the two of them and like I’m unhappy about the move because of those fears. I no longer feel confident in believing anything having to do with my husband 100%. I can give him 98% or maybe even 99%, but 100% will forever be out of reach. I’m as confident as I can be that it’s over. That this is not a long con. That the closer proximity won’t reignite their illicit affair. But I’ll never be 100% sure. And that’s OK. As I told my therapist, what else can I do besides trust him? I can’t control him. I only control myself. I can’t prevent him from cheating on me with Harley, if that’s what he wants to do. I can only make a decision about what I’ll do if that happens. And I am 100% certain that if he ever cheats on me again I will leave him in a heartbeat. I will crush him. I will destroy him. I will suck the soul right out of his body. When I am done with him Hiroshima and Nagasaki will look like child’s play. I figure he was given two chances already. I forgave him when he came clean (somewhat reluctantly) the first time, with no details forthcoming, no idea how serious it was, and with him acting like she was just one of many. And he turned around and sniffed out his bitch again. I had no clue for almost three months and then her lovely husband was kind enough to let me know they were still fucking around. This time I got all the details and I forgave him a second time. There will be no third time.

Added a few weeks later: So read the above carefully, Harley. It would not have been pretty, and it won’t be in the future. I will destroy him if he ever leaves. And believe me, as the woman who has been by his side the last TWENTY YEARS, it won’t take much. You won’t be skipping merrily into my old life, bringing in your own supposed upgrades. You will be dealing with a man who is a shell of his former self. One who can barely drag himself out of bed every morning. You will be in fix-it mode forever. You will be dealing with an ex-wife who is a vengeful bitch from Hell and two kids who hate your guts. There will be no blended family, no Brady Bunch ending. And if your beloved is so distraught he loses his job you’ll be trotting your happy ass off to work to pay me my alimony and child support. I wouldn’t have/won’t care if you don’t have enough to feed your kids or keep them in their activities. I’ll be thinking of my kids.  And believe me when I say I will be enjoying all the misery from my comfy seat on the sidelines.

Present Day Sam Says:  It turns out I was absolutely correct in not trusting him 100%. The minute I thought I could he turned around and cheated on me again.

5 thoughts on “98 or 99% But Never 100%

  1. This is me. This is my life. I know I’m in the long con….his sorrow and remorse is worldly. He will cheat again. I’m so sorry you have this burden as well. It is heavy and heartbreaking.


    1. Fortunately, I no longer have that burden. This was written back in 2014. Of course divorce brings with it its own set of mind games and burdens.

      I hope things work out for you. Have you made any decisions about what you want to do?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Still trying to wrap my head around everything. It’s complicated and I need a solid plan in place to be able to leave. To a certain extent I feel stuck…which I know he likes. I’m processing the pros and cons though. I do wish I could just go some days.


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