What’s Up?

Good question! Not a whole lot. I’m spinning my wheels and getting extremely frustrated. I applied for Medicaid for myself and my kids last week. That was exhilarating! Oh, to be on welfare after living in the top 5%; it’s quite the ride, folks. I don’t remember if I told you that I also filled out an application so that my kids could get free textbooks since I’m poor. Because the school my son goes to is filled with low income kids I was fortunate to not have to apply for free lunch; everybody at school gets free lunch and breakfast. I could fill out a form for Rock Star but she refuses to eat school lunches so I pack hers. I’m loving the humiliation of applying for free stuff because I can’t support my kids.

I’m currently perusing jobs online. Most of the hospital jobs seem to want my last 7 years of employment history, which I don’t have, and 3 professional references, which I also don’t have. Because I haven’t had, you know, a JOB in the last 17 years. Because I was a dumbass and followed my husband around the country and supported HIM in HIS career. Oh, they also all want FULL addresses and phone numbers of all your previous employers. Again, I haven’t worked outside of the home in 17 years. I don’t know the addresses of my former employers. For all I know, none of them even remember me! I know at least one of the places where I worked was bought out by someone else and is now under new ownership and operates under a completely different name.

Ladies, do yourselves a favor. DO NOT STAY HOME WITH YOUR KIDS! They say the divorce rate is 50%. You’ve got a 50/50 shot at being dumped on your ass and left to flounder in poverty. Don’t do it! It’s not worth it. If you’re going to do it then make sure you have a very marketable degree that will allow you to re-enter the workforce at any time. If it will hold up in court, get a post nuptial agreement that protects you if you give up working to stand by your man and support him in his climb up the corporate ladder. Then pray that he doesn’t fake a nervous breakdown to get out of paying you support.

I should have known better. I should have learned from my own mother’s example. You know what I took away from it though? 1. Don’t marry a cheater. Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, I thought I had gone in the complete opposite direction of my father but NO! I did not. 2. I looked at my mom and I thought, “She was a stay at home mom until the divorce. She did just fine as a divorced mom. She got a job. She provided for us. She even retired early and had a decent 401k. Staying at home is not a death knell.” Again, ha ha ha ha ha! What I didn’t take into consideration was the fact that my mom got divorced closer to 30 than to 50, like me. My mother was a stay at home mom for approximately 9-10 years. I did it for 17. My mom was early 30s when she separated and then divorced; people like to hire 30 year olds. They aren’t so accommodating to women nearing 50. At 30+ she had a lot of time to advance and make more money. At almost 50 I do not. And even if I do manage to make more money over the coming years it’s not going to do my kids one bit of good. They will be grown and supporting themselves by the time I’m making any kind of decent money. Hell, my daughter tells me once she begins working as a nurse she’ll take care of ME, which is very sweet but also very depressing at the same time. She keeps offering to buy me a Range Rover, which I have no interest in.

What else am I up to besides wallowing in pity? Not much. I got a lovely text from a former neighbor letting me know Cousinfucker and the whore arrived with a moving truck. A friend went over later to see what all he took. He is such a dumbass.

He took the cushions and pillows to the new couch but left the frame. Why? Why would a person do that? It makes no sense. He took both of the coffee tables. Because a brothel can never have too many coffee tables? He took my lovely little oak table that I bought on clearance to even out the dining room. I’ll be honest. They were only there because I hadn’t been able to sell them. He took the refrigerator that came with the house. It is a typical, nondescript refrigerator. Not stainless steel. Nothing new and fancy. In fact, it has a cracked casing, or something like that, which resulted in a leak that dripped through the ceiling in the basement and which ended up costing thousands in repairs (I’m assuming; we had a $1000 deductible). I’m hoping he thinks I paid to get it fixed and then he hooks up the water and ice and ends up with a giant leak in the ceiling once again. That would serve him right! He took the spare fridge we brought with us and that came with our old house. We used that one as a beverage fridge mainly. And he took the deep freezer. Joke’s on him, though. That sucker died this spring. I bought a new one and took that one with me. He took the microwave. He left the washing machine and dryer, which surprised me. It looks like he took all of his boxes from the garage that had been filled with his tools and other such stuff. He never got around to unpacking all of that because he was too busy faking a breakdown and fucking a whore. Give him a break. That takes a lot of time. He took both mattresses and bed frames but left the headboard and the bedroom furniture. I didn’t take it, or try to sell it, because it was a gift from his mom. I didn’t want it. Naturally, he did not clean up at all in the bedroom after he removed the bed. Everyone knows you find all kinds of crap underneath your bed once you move it. He also took the lawn mower but didn’t bother with mowing the damn yard and my friend tells me it definitely needs it. Oh well, it’s no longer my problem. He even left a lot of his clothing behind. I found that to be extremely strange. My friend is wondering if he is planning on coming back. I don’t know. He left all kinds of personal items behind; however, he did take the platinum rose that he gifted to me on our 20th wedding anniversary. I deliberately left that monstrosity behind. I wonder if he plans on giving it to the whore. I hope she enjoys my leftovers. I’m not sure if he took all of the cards and pictures he gave me, but hopefully he can reuse those things on the semen demon as well. I really regret not printing off that picture I made of the two of them. It’s a collage of him during his psych stay and one of her numerous mugshots (the most recent, I think) along with a festive little saying, probably something about being cousins. I really wish I had blown that sucker up to at least an 8×10 and put it in a frame and left it for them.

Oh, that reminds me! I found the perfect wedding gift for them. I was at a festival this past weekend and one of the vendors was selling engraved cutting boards and pans. One of the cutting boards read: Welcome to the Karma Cafe. There is no menu. You will be served what you deserve. For $14.95 I couldn’t find a better gift! I will buy that sucker, wrap it up, mail it from his home state, and not include a card or anything else. They’ll know who sent it.

Yes, I know that doesn’t sound very meh. I don’t care. Some days you have to say, “Fuck it!”, throw caution to the wind, and have a little fun with the cheaters. No, I don’t care if they think I’m obsessed with them or bothered by them. I know I’m not. I’m hoping that my eventual gift will be like a turd in a punchbowl. Unwelcome, unwanted, and really hard to forget once you’ve seen it. Sure, you can toss that turd out but…. are you really going to drink that punch? I don’t think so.

Speaking of turds in a punchbowl, or something like that… Rock Star got her permit. I would say hooray but she’s already had a fucking permit for 9 months. Now she gets to hold one in this state for 6 months. HOORAY! That’s so exciting. By the time she finally gets her license she will have had a permit for 15 months and logged in over 100 hours of driving time. That’s probably a conservative estimate honestly. Probably more like 150-200 hours of driving time. Plus a wasted $200 on behind the wheel training. Let’s give Cousinfucker another shout out. Hooray! By the time she’s able to drive (and let’s get real here- be able to run errands for me!) she will be almost 17. She will be at the end of her junior year of high school. I will have a little over a year to enjoy having another driver in my household and then she will be off (assuming of course that we can afford college). I would say the silver lining is that Picasso will be able to get his learner’s permit 4 months after Rock Star gets her license, but in order to get your permit I think you have to be enrolled in a driver’s ed program. Or maybe you can’t actually drive until you’re enrolled in one. Regardless, they no longer go through the schools here so instead of Driver’s Ed being free and Behind the Wheel being $200, I’m looking at $500 or so. See above. I have no job and once I do have one I’m not expecting to make much more than what is necessary to cover my current bills and pay for food, dog food, household supplies, and utilities. Driver’s Ed is completely out. I suppose I could always make him get a job so he can pay for it himself. Mother of the Year right here. You can have whatever you want, kids, so long as you get a job and buy it yourselves because Mama can’t buy you a damn thing with my shit job. Yep, top 5% right down to the bottom 1%. Okay, maybe bottom 5%. It is glorious.

Upcoming plans include going down to the unemployment office and seeing if they can help this broke, unemployable stay-at-home-mom of 17 years look just a teeny tiny bit appealing. Then I’m off to hit the temp agencies so I can work for $8/hour. Nothing like knowing your teenage daughter makes more money than you. I’ve got a goddamn college education and she hasn’t even graduated from high school but she’s probably going to be making more money than me for a while.

On the plus side I’m no longer crying every day. No, I’m down to about 3-4 times a week. And only when I think about how shitty my life is. And realize that I will never take another vacation. Or that I will never own another house. Or how I will never be able to do anything special for my kids. And when I realize that I’m pretty much where I was 20+ years ago, before I met that jackass I married, only now I have two kids that are depending on me and I’m letting them down. Or, when all those people tell me that life is going to get so much better and I know that no, it’s not; it’s only going to get so much worse. Yep, down to crying 3-4 times a week. So, hey, progress! It’s a beautiful thing.

I hate my life and I wish I were dead. My life is basically over and I’m praying for a heart attack to take me early. Actually, yes, I do hate my life; however, I wish Cousinfucker were dead. And Harley, too, just for good measure. Because I hate them both. Turns out I’m fine with that!

8 thoughts on “What’s Up?

  1. Oh boy. Have you looked at work in the school district? My district has a lot of jobs as teaching assistant, with double the minimum wage, and all of the women are former stay at home moms. Plus, you’ll never have to work when the kids are home. There is work out there – the unemployment is so low that employers can’t find help – where do you live? It’s so hard to do when you’re down so low, but you can get reference letters from friends who are business people who have known you for years. It’s what I did.

    You’ve got this. Make the anger propel you into the stratosphere of a happier life without that creepy family. It’s the best fuck you in the world. You supported him like a boss, now do an even better job for you. They fired you from having to do their shitty PR work, so focus on being a bad ass for you and the kids. They’re looking to you to see strength and that things are going to be ok. Like watching the flight attendant when there’s turbulence. Model being a kick ass rock star. I’m sending lots of good juju your way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I haven’t looked at the school district yet. I know substitute teachers make $75/day but that’s nowhere near enough. The problem is I can’t even fill out an application because I have no recent job history. Plus, I live in an area that used to be heavily manufacturing- lots of factories. Those jobs are being sourced out; I don’t know if the medical fields are making up for it or not. I have a friend who is a chiropractor so she could possibly vouch for me, but most of my friends are just regular workers. I’ve never worked with them and they’re not in management positions where their word would really mean anything.

      Thanks for the good juju. I hope it helps.


  2. There it is! All the anger and frustration and rage. Glad you’re getting it all out. I’m there with you all the way. The biggest thing you got out of 17 years are your kids and your legacy into their lives. Long after you and I are dead, that’s what’s going to live on in our kids and their kids. Don’t take that lightly. Your faithfulness to them will have ripples through time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh I definitely have anger and rage! I was married 20 years to him, spent 19 of them following him all around and working basic jobs because we moved all the time and we both had decided we wanted to have a stay at home parent. It’s been 17 years (more like 18 now) since I’ve worked outside of the home, and 16 since I’ve worked at all (unless you count a home party stint). Pissed doesn’t even begin to describe it.

      I’m telling you, I don’t even know how to begin. How do I give a work history or references when they are at least 18 years old? I can’t even fill out an application much less craft a resume. Oh well, I’m off to the unemployment office. Maybe someone there can help me.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Has he he started drawing disability yet? Your support can be withheld from that.

    Have you visited the local community college. They likely will have a program for displaced housewives (it is likely called something very different). You may have to retrain, but they could have some really good ideas and supports.

    By applying for benefits, this ups the ante on CF. What is his latest status?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have no idea, Alice. He doesn’t communicate with me. To be fair, I am not regularly emailing him either but I do respond when I’m asked questions or he requests information through his attorney. After asking what was going on and what had happened and if he was okay after the first incident in June all I got back was, “The insurance should be good through the end of the month.” Recently I emailed him to let him know the kids and I had left the house and that they had been enrolled in new schools. I also gave him information about the lawn care, the utilities, and people interested in the house. Crickets. I know my attorney just asked his attorney what the status update on him was because we’d like to get this thing over with. I’m so tempted to just go before a judge and let him settle everything. I’ll take my chances that his so called breakdown won’t sway a judge but I’d like to be employed before that happens. And if the judge buys it and I’m left with nothing… well, at least I’m rid of him and I know what to expect.


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