A Rose By Any Other Name

Fellow blog followers, I have a dilemma. It’s a first world problem; I’ll grant you that. I am a bit undecided about what to do about my last name. Now, I fully believe that despite the fact that I gained my current last name through marriage it is indeed my last name. It is not “his”. He gave it to me and it’s mine to keep or get rid of, just as much as my maiden name was.

I mention this only because I have seen many debates over whether or not a divorced woman should be “allowed” to continue using her ex’s last name. I don’t need his permission. Then again, I’m not really sure I want to continue using “his” stupid last name.

I remember years and years ago my mother talking about a relative whose wife went back to her maiden name after their divorce. She thought this was so stupid because she had three kids with him so she would never get away from the name. Then again, she (my mom) did change her name back to her first married name after she and her second husband divorced because she got tired of having a different last name than us. Ironically, she is all onboard with me taking back my maiden name and thinks I should.

If I didn’t have kids this would be an easy decision. I would revert back immediately; I prefer not to be associated with him and would rather not have “his” stupid last name. But I do have kids and I really don’t want a different last name from them.

I have heard some people say it is an incredible pain in the ass having different last names. They talk about people not releasing their own children to them, problems with security clearance (not that I would have to worry about that), and people calling them by the kid’s name anyway. I personally think there are just more hoops to jump through when your last name is different from your child’s, although I don’t have any experience with that.

I have heard other people say they’ve had no problem with having a different last name- no hoops to jump through, no confusion.

I did ask both kids how they would feel about taking my maiden name. Rock Star wasn’t on board although she tormented her dad by telling him she was going to change her last name to mine. Picasso seemed like he was on board, but then later said he wasn’t sure. I also realize that Rock Star will probably get married and take her husband’s name. I’m too lazy to look up exact percentages but I think the number of women who still take on their husband’s last name is way up there. However, I do have a son, too, and I doubt he’ll be taking on his wife’s name. Although I may suggest that.

I realize this is really stupid but I hate the idea of Harley sharing a name with my kids while I don’t. I hate the idea of any future daughter-in-law sharing a name with Harley. That really bugs me. The thought that I could be questioned at the school or doctor’s office because my last name is Awesome instead of Cousinfucker, while she could waltz in there and no one would question her because she’s a Cousinfucker, too. Then again, she’s never set eyes on my kids and I doubt she ever will so that’s probably a stupid thought/fear.

When I’m being really childish I will admit I would do whatever CF prefers I not do. If the thought of me walking around with “his” name pisses him off, then I would keep it. If he and Harley hate the idea of there being another Mrs. Cousinfucker and she wants that last name all to herself, again, I’d keep it. Just to piss them off and shit on their birthday cakes. On the other hand, if me changing back to my maiden name would be seen as an insult and hurt him terribly (a stretch, I know. He’s a snake and has no feelings.) I would go back to my maiden name.

Here’s another incredibly childish/stupid/unreasonable reason I would like to go back. My maiden name is further up the alphabet than his. I know; I know. How ridiculous. But I lived the beginning half of my life being up near the beginning of the alphabet. I married him and I went lower. Can you imagine being an “A” and marrying a “Z”? Or being a “B” and marrying an “S”. You have to wait forever for everything! But not if you’re way up there in the alphabet! Plus, no one outside of his hometown seems to know how to spell or pronounce my last name now. It’s not difficult but somehow most people mess it up. Either they say it correctly and butcher the spelling, or they can’t figure out how to say it.

I suppose I have another month or two to decide. I’m leaning heavily towards throwing caution to the wind and saying, “Fuck it!” I’ll march into this brave new world with my maiden name restored and my kids having a completely different last name. I only have 5 more years of school; it’s not like I’m going to have to deal with this for 12 or 14 years (or longer). If anyone has any words of wisdom, or experience with going back to a maiden name, feel free to lay it on me.

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “A Rose By Any Other Name

  1. My wife’s parents divorced 40 years ago, and her mom kept the married name (even after my wife’s dad remarried). I fully expect my wife to revert to her maiden name as part of her divorce filing. A lot easier to do it then than to do it yourself later. Our kids have seen my wife’s friend go through a divorce and change her name, so they are probably expecting it. I could give a crap.

    Like

    1. I think it used to be normal to just keep your married name. My mom only changed when she got married (and of course, went back to my dad’s last name after her second divorce). Maybe if I had been the one to want the divorce I would have felt guilty about keeping his last name. Instead I now don’t want it because it’s associated with him and he’s a big giant poopy head who has whore cooties.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m not divorced or have children but I’m married and kept my last name. He can change to mine if he wants :p

    My sister married twice never took either of her husband’s last name and she has one child for each husband and has never had problems because she has a different last name than them.

    Anyways id say go back to your maiden name. My mom says she wouldn’t have changed hers ways back then and she’s still married to my dad (39 years) but uses her maiden name on Facebook. Lol

    Like

  3. The first time me and Weaselboy split up, I was all for hyphenating my last name starting with my maiden name, but it was really long and a real hassle. When we finally divorced, I just kept it. I hadn’t had my maiden name since I was 17 and it didn’t feel right going back to it. I was never that attached to it. So I kept my last name as Weaselboy until I remarried. At that time I just took FixItGuy’s last name. I was always called by Wee Geek’s last name even though I had given it up. His friends still slip up and call me Mrs. Weaselboy. I just remind them that I divorced that name. Funny thing, now that FixItGuy is gone, it feels weird to still be Mrs. FixItGuy. Even though that’s been my name for 16 years, it kinna feels weird to still be her because without him, I don’t feel like her anymore. It’s weird, and I have been struggling with it A LOT! I couldn’t go back to my maiden name at this point and it would be really weird to go back to Weaselboy’s last name, so here I sit. A Mrs. without a Mr. And it is very odd indeed.

    Like

    1. You keep Mr. FixItGuy’s last name. He loved you and you deserve to keep that name. I’m sure it does feel weird. I’m so sorry about that.

      You need to come up or I’ll come down and we can both have a good cry.

      Like

  4. When I divorced I went back to my maiden name. I never had any issues at school or anywhere else, and if teachers of school officials addressed me as Mrs. Kids’ Dad I was fine with it. Depending upon the length of the conversation, I’d usually say “please call me Janelle” or simply let it go. For most of my kids’ childhood years, I was “G’s mom” or “C’s mom” and seemed to have no other name, and that was fine. As I discovered this weekend, there are still legions of their friends who still simply address me as “mom.”

    Like

  5. I told my wife that it was entirely up to her to keep or not keep my last name after she told me she wanted me a divorce. I figured it would be easier for the kids if she kept it…and then she did…and I was pissed. I would have been pissed if she would have wanted to change it too.

    When she kept it I felt like she didn’t deserve it but if she would have changed it I would have felt rejected again. So either way I was going to be pissed. Ha! Pretty much feel that way about a lot of divorce related things.

    Like

    1. either way I was going to be pissed. Ha! Pretty much feel that way about a lot of divorce related things.<<<Me too!

      I really don't think he'll care if I take my maiden name back; he'll probably be happy, in fact. Oh well. I don't really care.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s