Fellow blog followers, I have a dilemma. It’s a first world problem; I’ll grant you that. I am a bit undecided about what to do about my last name. Now, I fully believe that despite the fact that I gained my current last name through marriage it is indeed my last name. It is not “his”. He gave it to me and it’s mine to keep or get rid of, just as much as my maiden name was.
I mention this only because I have seen many debates over whether or not a divorced woman should be “allowed” to continue using her ex’s last name. I don’t need his permission. Then again, I’m not really sure I want to continue using “his” stupid last name.
I remember years and years ago my mother talking about a relative whose wife went back to her maiden name after their divorce. She thought this was so stupid because she had three kids with him so she would never get away from the name. Then again, she (my mom) did change her name back to her first married name after she and her second husband divorced because she got tired of having a different last name than us. Ironically, she is all onboard with me taking back my maiden name and thinks I should.
If I didn’t have kids this would be an easy decision. I would revert back immediately; I prefer not to be associated with him and would rather not have “his” stupid last name. But I do have kids and I really don’t want a different last name from them.
I have heard some people say it is an incredible pain in the ass having different last names. They talk about people not releasing their own children to them, problems with security clearance (not that I would have to worry about that), and people calling them by the kid’s name anyway. I personally think there are just more hoops to jump through when your last name is different from your child’s, although I don’t have any experience with that.
I have heard other people say they’ve had no problem with having a different last name- no hoops to jump through, no confusion.
I did ask both kids how they would feel about taking my maiden name. Rock Star wasn’t on board although she tormented her dad by telling him she was going to change her last name to mine. Picasso seemed like he was on board, but then later said he wasn’t sure. I also realize that Rock Star will probably get married and take her husband’s name. I’m too lazy to look up exact percentages but I think the number of women who still take on their husband’s last name is way up there. However, I do have a son, too, and I doubt he’ll be taking on his wife’s name. Although I may suggest that.
I realize this is really stupid but I hate the idea of Harley sharing a name with my kids while I don’t. I hate the idea of any future daughter-in-law sharing a name with Harley. That really bugs me. The thought that I could be questioned at the school or doctor’s office because my last name is Awesome instead of Cousinfucker, while she could waltz in there and no one would question her because she’s a Cousinfucker, too. Then again, she’s never set eyes on my kids and I doubt she ever will so that’s probably a stupid thought/fear.
When I’m being really childish I will admit I would do whatever CF prefers I not do. If the thought of me walking around with “his” name pisses him off, then I would keep it. If he and Harley hate the idea of there being another Mrs. Cousinfucker and she wants that last name all to herself, again, I’d keep it. Just to piss them off and shit on their birthday cakes. On the other hand, if me changing back to my maiden name would be seen as an insult and hurt him terribly (a stretch, I know. He’s a snake and has no feelings.) I would go back to my maiden name.
Here’s another incredibly childish/stupid/unreasonable reason I would like to go back. My maiden name is further up the alphabet than his. I know; I know. How ridiculous. But I lived the beginning half of my life being up near the beginning of the alphabet. I married him and I went lower. Can you imagine being an “A” and marrying a “Z”? Or being a “B” and marrying an “S”. You have to wait forever for everything! But not if you’re way up there in the alphabet! Plus, no one outside of his hometown seems to know how to spell or pronounce my last name now. It’s not difficult but somehow most people mess it up. Either they say it correctly and butcher the spelling, or they can’t figure out how to say it.
I suppose I have another month or two to decide. I’m leaning heavily towards throwing caution to the wind and saying, “Fuck it!” I’ll march into this brave new world with my maiden name restored and my kids having a completely different last name. I only have 5 more years of school; it’s not like I’m going to have to deal with this for 12 or 14 years (or longer). If anyone has any words of wisdom, or experience with going back to a maiden name, feel free to lay it on me.