Random Rant #4- Bra Shopping

Ah, another thing I hate! For any of my male readers you might want to skip today’s post. I’m going to be talking about bras and bra shopping and there’s going to be lots of talk about boobies so… I’m warning you now. I have a son who gets very uncomfortable at the mere mention of periods or feminine products; granted, he’s only fourteen but I know you men can be funny about this female stuff. I’m not sure if bra shopping is in the same category as periods or not. Perhaps you find period talk gross but bra shopping titillating. Ha ha ha ha. See what I did there? That was totally on purpose! Titillating. I’m pun-y. Okay, I’m done.

Does anyone else hate bra shopping? I think it’s worse than bathing suit shopping.

First, let me begin by saying I understand the importance of a good, supportive bra. It holds you up, holds you into place, and just generally makes you look better. It’s very important stuff. However, with that said, I hate underwire bras. That seems to be about 95% of the stock that most department stores carry and they seem to offer the most “support”. When I was younger I didn’t mind the underwire. They didn’t bother me at all. Now, I don’t know if that’s because I was smaller back then, I didn’t weigh as much, or if it’s because they didn’t hang quite so low back then. Whatever it is I hate it. It feels like something is grating against my skin and like the bra is resting on my stomach even when I know it isn’t; my arms also rub up against the underwire (which is probably why it feels like something is grating against my skin!).

I have to tell you though, I tried an underwire bra on one time at Torrid and it made me look fantastic! Like, va va voom. I was looking in the dressing room mirror going, “Damn girl! You look amazing!” I tried clothes on with it and again, I’m looking in the mirror going, “Holy crap! I would totally do me!” But it was the most uncomfortable thing.  I knew I wouldn’t wear it. I am completely into comfort above all else.

So I try to find the bras that offer support without the underwire. This is a very limited selection. Hanes has some comfortable ones and those are what I wear most of the time. Even they can be tricky though. I just bought a new one and it itches. I don’t know if it’s a loose thread or the material, but I’m constantly adjusting it. Thank God I bought it on clearance! Or some have additional little rings on them which can cut into skin, or just become uncomfortable whenever you move your arms. I’m not a fan. I tried on another style the other day. I thought it looked very comfortable and was something a little different, but once I tried it on I was like, “Oh hell no!” It kind of reminded me of when you take fruit, like an orange or an apple or a watermelon maybe, and put it in a bag and twist that bag to close it. Imagine each breast as a piece of fruit put into a single plastic bag. Now imagine you buy two pieces of fruit, put them in separate bags, and hold them up to your chest; that’s what it looked like! It looked like each boob was hanging loose in a sack and I was left to flounder. It looked horrible! And it didn’t feel very comfortable at all. Needless to say, I did not purchase it.

There is another brand that does a lot without the underwire. I believe it begins with an O but I can’t think of it right now. Olga or Ogilvey, maybe. Turns out it’s actually Bali. Not an O at all. They’re wonderful but they don’t carry them in my size. Why? Is there some unspoken rule that anything above, say a 38C, must have underwire?

Speaking of that, what the hell is up with department stores not carrying much of anything beyond a perky 34-38B? I’m not giving out my bra size on the Internet but suffice to say I need to go beyond that. I finally find a bra with no underwire (which is no easy feat!) and then I can’t find my size. I usually can’t even find anything close to my size. I have recently looked on two separate occasions for bras. Huge selection. I am lucky if I find 2 bras in my size. I should play the damn Powerball if I find two that actually fit and feel comfortable.

I’ve tried the Genie bras that are advertised on TV. There are two different brands and I’ve bought both, but I don’t like them anymore. I really need one size larger because I feel like I’m oozing out of it whenever I try to wear it. It’s not an attractive look and it’s not very comfortable.

I don’t shop a lot at Lane Bryant because they tend to be expensive, but they do have a nice bra line. Cacique. No underwire which I like, but they still offer support and tend to make me look better than the more comfortable Hanes. But again, they’re a little less comfortable and they’re expensive. I buy them only when they’re on sale and that’s very hit or miss, especially because I don’t shop there on a regular basis.

Strapless bras? Oh hell no! I do not do strapless bras. I will tell you all a secret. When an outfit calls for a strapless bra? I go braless. I probably shouldn’t but I do; I just try my best not to jump up and down a lot or run wildly through the great indoors.

Thankfully, showing your bra isn’t seen as much of a scandal anymore. I’m not talking about showing it off through your clothes or down the front. No, just the straps. It used to be we wore those god awful strapless bras to avoid bra straps peeking through. Now they don’t seem to care so much. I still tend to shy away from tops that would require either a strapless bra or bra straps being on display. Although I am kinda liking the bandeau. I wonder if they have any in my size…

I was looking on Pinterest the other day. I was looking for recipes but something came up in my feed about online bra shopping. I was curious so I checked it out. One site needed to ask me questions to properly fit me. Um, I’m doing this online. There is no fitting. They ask you about the shape of your breasts. There were a surprising amount of options. I was torn between bell shape and relaxed, which I think was just a really sweet way of saying saggy. They had all sorts of no wire, supportive bras but shockingly they did not carry my size. How is that possible? It’s the freaking internet! I suppose it doesn’t really matter because I’m not sure I would ever trust buying without trying it on and that’s not possible when you buy online.

Some days I think I may just want to go the way of the sports bra but that is fraught with it’s own problems. Again, fit can be a problem. Plus, I don’t really enjoy the smooshed down look. I say show off what your mama gave ya! Of course, in my case my mama didn’t give them to me. I know this because this is a frequent topic of conversation around here. Not so much lately although it does tend to rear its head, but definitely when I was younger. Like, seriously, there would be major discussions on where I got my boobs.

Random person to my mother: Where did she get those?

Mom: I don’t know; she sure didn’t get them from me. Maybe Aunt Ann? She was my father’s sister and she was quite busty. Or maybe her great grandmother on her dad’s side. She was “healthy” back in her day.

Me: Mom! Stop!

The real answer as to where I got them? Kohl’s. I went to Kohl’s and got them. I can’t buy a bra there but apparently you can pick yourself up a nice pair of boobies.

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5 thoughts on “Random Rant #4- Bra Shopping

  1. I don’t so much mind bra shopping, except for the fact that they are so expensive. I used to hate padded bras and had the toughest time finding bras in my size that weren’t padded (I was a 32A back then). But now that I’m fine with padding, piece of cake… But once I find one I like, I buy ALL.the.colors…

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