Blast From the Past 47
I went through Zack’s phone today while he was showering. Not something I do often but I did it today. His sister texted him. Said she didn’t know why he never contacted her and that she hated the feeling she had when she thought about never seeing her niece or nephew again. She can’t even keep up with them on Facebook! Oh the horrors! You know, you could always send your niece a friend request. You could also ask your brother for her phone number and text her. Hell, you could do the same with your nephew. But where’s the fun in that? I guess it’s more satisfying to whine about it. And she said she had heard that we bought a house.
For his part Zack told her he didn’t want to bother her with his problems since she had enough of her own and his were all self created. He told her he didn’t know if it would ever be normal again.
So now I’m wondering: What does that mean? Is he referring to the fact he doesn’t know if I’ll ever be close to his family again? Or, is he referring to us? Because I have to say I think we’re doing pretty damn well. I’ve dealt with his anxiety issues for the last few months but aside from that I think we’re doing great. I have no doubt if he was stupid enough to leave me or if he’d simply listened to his sister and left me he’d be miserable. I’m not sure he’d even be alive today.
But as far as me and his family goes that ship has sailed. His sister sat by the entire time he was carrying on his affair and supported him and the whore. She doesn’t get a do over when it doesn’t play out like she thought it would. She chose to hide behind: He’s my brother and I love him unconditionally. Well, keep on loving him. But don’t expect forgiveness from me. It’s kinda like marriage. You need to love him unconditionally in good times and in bad. Of course, she’s never been one to work through the bad times so there’s that. And she’s still friends with his whore on Facebook. So she’s obviously not THAT sorry.
And his mom and step dad? They may not have known while he was in the middle of it but once they did they didn’t do anything about it. They continue to be friendly towards her. There’s nothing I can do about that. But I don’t have to be a party to it. And if I can’t deal with it then I don’t need to deal with them. That’s the route I’ve chosen.
They may try to pin the blame on me and there’s nothing I can do to change their perception aside from kissing their asses and apologizing. Really? I’m supposed to apologize to them? I’m soooooo sorry I was so unreasonable, actually expecting you to think of me and put me before his whore. I’m soooooooooo sorry I didn’t immediately get behind the idea of you being best buddies with her and squeezing me in where you could, and of course, family/holiday dinners with her ugly ass right there. I’m soooo sorry I acted irrationally when I concluded we didn’t have an actual relationship; that every encounter we had was based upon the fact that I was the one your son had chosen to fuck. I shouldn’t have decided that just because I would be tossed out like yesterday’s trash if he ever decided to downgrade I would distance myself from HIS family. Because clearly you are not MY family. You only care about me because I’m attached to him.
Got a bit distracted with that little rant. Where was I? Yes, I can’t change their perception but I don’t have to fall victim to it either. I am NOT the problem. They have all made very bad choices which have caused me to distance myself. I am not to blame for that. I can’t control them but I can make decisions based on their behavior. I WILL NOT take responsibility for the fact they don’t like the consequences that have bitten them in the ass due to their piss poor choices.
Present Day Sam Says: The one thing I can say for certain is that I have absolutely no guilt about how I handled his relatives. Yes, towards the end I was caving. I figured if I was going to remain married to CF then I would have to get over it. But looking back on it I don’t regret what I did. Sure, it would have been easier on him and on them, but it wouldn’t have been easier on me. Unlike these postings where the guilt can creep up and I ask myself, “If you hadn’t had that other FB page don’t you think you’d still be married?” I never ask myself that question when it comes to refusing to forgive his family for their support of the whore.