Suspicion Rears Its Ugly Head

Blast From the Past 52

June 2014

I’m debating making this public. Right now I’m keeping it friends only, and I have no friends on this page so that makes this private. Maybe I’ll decide to make it public one day.

First, there is a part of me that wonders if they are fucking around again. I said in one of my entries that she wasn’t posting profiles of herself anymore. It was either a shot of her from an odd angle or it was a picture of her kids or pets. At the time I wondered if her habit of posting a new profile pic every two weeks or so was her little gift to Zack, a way of constantly being in his face. Look at me! Tell me I’m pretty! Now she is posting pictures of herself again. This last one, which is a picture of only her, was posted only after she restricted me. So, it makes me wonder if she’s fucking around with my husband again or if maybe she has a new victim. Ah, yes, St. Harley, the patron saint of whores. Cheating on her husband once again. Hey, maybe Zack wasn’t her first affair. She fucks around. Her husband, knowing she is his meal ticket, contacts the wife, gets the affair killed. Harley goes back to being a somewhat devoted, or at least appreciative, wife. Then the cycle starts again. It would not surprise me one bit.

Secondly, it always amazes me how utterly clueless everyone in Zack’s family is. Do they not realize she never said a word to them until I found out about the affair and Zack dumped her? Nada. I went back on the computer and looked. The only person she had any contact with during the affair was Jezebel. And I’m convinced the only reason she was in contact with her was because she knew that Jezebel knew, approved, supported, and encouraged it. Jezebel was in her corner, telling Zack that he should do whatever made him happy. At that time he thought Harley made him happy. So she was actively encouraging him to leave me and go be with her.

Pastor Fake, or perhaps it was Tammy Faye using Pastor Fake’s page, would comment on her profile pictures, like her pictures. Harley never replied in kind. Never commented.

I’m not even sure she was friends with Pastor Fake’s sister or niece before. But now she’s buying fundraising items from the niece’s kid and constantly commenting on her pictures. There was nothing before the affair and D – Day.

Folks, she’s playing you. She knows it’s painful for me to watch Zack’s family gush over his whore and so she does it. Maybe she’s so damn manipulative she figured she couldn’t hurt Zack directly so she’d do it indirectly by screwing up family relationships. That would hurt him because it would never be possible for him to be with his full family again. Maybe she even figured on hurting them to get to him. I think that one is more of a stretch. I think she just wanted to hurt me.

There’s a tiny part of me (like really tiny, the size of an atom maybe) that says don’t let her win. Get back in there and show that bitch you can’t be chased off. She can Facebook them all she wants but in the end you’ll be the one around them. You’ll be the one bringing the kids to them. You’ll be the one spending holidays with them. You’ll be the one actually spending time with them and creating memories. You will be the one to have a real life with them while she tries to jab at you from the sidelines of Facebook. You are reality and she is, once again, just fantasy.

I wish I could listen to that little atom but I can’t. Because none of those things matter. I was already the one that was there, bringing the kids to them, spending time with them, writing out checks for them, visiting in the hospital, spending holidays with them, driving great distances to be with them, making memories with them. Harley was already the fantasy. To my knowledge they haven’t seen her in over twenty years. She doesn’t visit. She doesn’t loan (give) them money. She’s not spending holidays with them or making memories. And yet his sister still encouraged my husband to leave me for that whore. His parents know he fucked around with her yet still continue to maintain a relationship with her. I don’t think I can forgive that. I need to distance myself for my own sanity.

He has already cheated on me once. What’s to stop him from doing it again? And then I watch as “my family” turns their backs on me once again and embraces the whore he has brought into their lives.

It’s truly not about revenge. It’s about me protecting myself from people who will never show me any loyalty despite everything I’ve done for them over the last twenty years. I am not a separate entity from Zack. I’m an extension of him and if he says I’m gone then I’m gone.
Added two days later: Her last profile picture, the one with her daughter, she posted on June 8th. So this new profile pic, one of her alone, was obviously posted soon after we bought the house. I’m not liking this. I find it highly suspicious. Way too much of a coincidence for my comfort, even if he is gushing over me.

Present Day Sam Says: Super Spy Sam on the job! I was so busy spackling I tossed aside any hints that all might not be right in my world. I was deaf, dumb, and blind. Because I wanted to be. Because it was convenient. Again, I have no idea if they were already up to their old tricks or not. I don’t care. I just look back on this and think, “Oh, Sam! You should have ran as fast as you could. This was never going to end well for you.”

Everything I knew about her came true. All my predictions… came true. Yep, discarded like yesterday’s trash by everyone once he tossed me aside. I need to go find a brick wall upon which I can bang my head!

4 thoughts on “Suspicion Rears Its Ugly Head

  1. it’s funny how you can read that stuff isn’t it? the guy I’m currently trying to talk myself out of being in love with has betrayed me at least three times not sure it it got physical but leaning towards yes at least in two – he has this habit of talking about them when I hear a new name I know well here comes his latest victim and the women post little memes about it too – it’s soooooooooooo transparent. I know I know I need to stop – I’m trying – I’m just not there yet. Hopefully soon!


    1. That probably wasn’t a nice way to put it. The Saint was a stay at home dad for more than 10 years. He did what I did in my marriage. They had four children together, 3 in 4 years no less! He stayed home and she worked. She has a Masters and a decent paying job. She makes way less than CF but it’s nothing to sneeze at.

      Liked by 1 person

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