An Ode To the Perfect Cereal

When I was a little girl my grandmother would ask me what kind of cereal I wanted for breakfast. I usually spent the night once a week and she would have one of my favorite cereals for me. I always had to think long and hard about this. Should I choose Fruit Loops, so full of fruity goodness? Or maybe Trix, also full of fruity goodness. Loops or balls? Therein lies the choice and it was the only real difference. Plus, those kids were always tormenting the rabbit.

Why? Why couldn’t he have the cereal? Does cereal kill rabbits? I doubt it. They were just mean.

And now that I think of it, do you realize that Trix actually looks kind of like bunny poop, only more colorful? Mind blown. Maybe that was the rabbit’s revenge.

If I was in the mood for marshmallows though I would have to go with Lucky Charms. Toasted oat cereal with those magically delicious marshmallow charms. If you didn’t like marshmallows there really was no reason to get Lucky Charms. Who honestly bought it for the toasted oat cereal? How many people even enjoyed the toasted oat cereal? No one! The marshmallows were the big draw. You put up with the bland toasted oat cereal for the lure of the delicious marshmallows. If they did enjoy the toasted oat cereal might I recommend Cheerios?

What’s up with the advertisers at General Mills anyway? They come off as a bunch of bullies. With Trix the kids are tormenting the rabbit and refusing to let him have any. With Lucky Charms it was just the opposite. The leprechaun taunted the kids and refused to let them have any. How does that even make marketing sense? Buy this cereal. But watch out for Lucky! He’ll steal it away from you.

Is this because leprechauns are just assholes in general? I’ll admit I didn’t know a whole lot about them when I was younger but having kids of my own I’ve read up on them. Turns out they like to cause a lot of mischief. If that was the thought process behind it then I suppose it makes sense. I still think they come across as bullies though.

Back to my childhood dilemma. What to choose? What to choose? Honestly, I’d go back and forth between all three of them, always knowing that if I chose the fruity flavors of Trix or Fruit Loops I was missing out on the marshmallows, and if I chose Lucky Charms I was eating bland oat cereal just for the marshmallow treats.

Imagine my delight when I discovered several years back that Fruit Loops now comes with marshmallows! This is the holy grail of childhood cereals. It combines the delicious fruit flavored cereal rings that I love with the yummy little marshmallows that I also love. It is probably the most perfect cereal ever made.

Oh sure, I like my Basic 4. I eat it often. But nothing beats the sugary goodness of Fruit Loops with marshmallows. It is perfection in a bowl. Bonus points for the fact that Tuscan Sam has never been an aggravating asshole or taunting bully. Well done, Kellogg’s. Well done!

P.S. I need to amend my statement about no one liking the toasted oat cereal. My son does not like the marshmallows and will eat Lucky Charms for the bland toasted oat cereal. Again I say to him, “Have yourself some Cheerios, my boy!”

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5 thoughts on “An Ode To the Perfect Cereal

  1. To this day, I cannot stand Lucky Charms precisely because of the marshmallow charms. I cannot imagine fruit loops with them either. YUCK! But that’s just me. I think my favorite for a long time was Alpha Bits. But now, older and wiser and having cereal of any sort on my dietary equivalent of a no-fly list, I miss oatmeal raisin crisp most.

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    1. Oh Janelle, you’re breaking my heart! I do understand, though. Not everyone likes those tough little marshmallows.

      I also love instant grits. I don’t like the slow cooked ones. I liked the instant ones. Add water, nuke them for about 15 seconds. Top with butter. Delicious!

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      1. Grits are not all that common on the west coast, or at least not in restaurants in my geographical areal. I was in my 30s before I heard about grits and my immediate reaction was “ICK!” Still have been unable to bring myself to even try them on the rare occasions I have seen them on the menu.

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      2. I don’t care for the ones served in restaurants. CF would tell me you’re supposed to add lots of butter and sugar to them. Still didn’t particularly like them.

        Down south shrimp and grits is supposed to be big. I’ve never had it because I don’t like the slow cooked grits enough to try it.

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      3. Hmmm … the things one learns blogging! I had no idea there was a difference in grits. If we’re every anywhere that serves them, I will have to pay closer attention.

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