I’m not sure if that means only that there is more bitter irony to share, or if this bitter irony is even more bitter than the last bitch of bitter irony. Wowza! That’s a tongue twister.
I have been thinking about this these last several days. These are two pieces of what I consider to be ironic clusterfucks of the highest magnitude.
For many years Cousinfucker and I would have a small disagreement every time the yearly review came up for him to change or stick with his benefits. I always lobbied for higher life insurance because, according to him, I’m a cold calculating bitch who only thinks of money and wanted to kill him off. Close… but not really what I was after. I don’t know a whole lot about investing money but I do know that for approximately every $100,000 invested you can expect about $1000/month in dividends. With that in mind a $250,000 life insurance policy was not going to take me and the kids very far through life should anything happen to Mr. Wonderful. So each year I would patiently explain that no, I was not trying to set him up for an ambush, but if he wanted life to go on relatively unscathed and as normal as possible for HIS CHILDREN should he meet a tragic and unexpected demise then he did indeed need the higher amount that I suggested. He always told me he didn’t want to be worth more dead than alive. Didn’t want to give me any reason to kill him off, he said.
HA! Back then I had a vested interest in making sure he stuck around. I loved him; I planned on growing old with him. I actually dreaded the thought of him dying and leaving me behind. I knew my kids needed and loved their dad. The money wouldn’t have replaced him; it would have simply assured us that we wouldn’t have to sell the house and pick up and move (kinda like we’ve had to do already thanks to his affair). It would have meant that instead of my kids losing their father and then having their mother re-enter the workforce to try to make up the difference between what was left in survivor benefits and what he had brought home, I would be able to remain at home with them. Call me crazy but I think that after losing a parent stability might be important.
Fast forward to today. He really IS worth more dead than alive. Even better? I don’t like him at all now. Wouldn’t shed a tear if he dropped dead (and let’s face it; that won’t happen because only the good ones die tragically early). His kids want nothing to do with him. He is not a part of our family and isn’t offering us a single benefit.
I think there’s something a little brazen about that whole dynamic. When I loved him and wanted him to be an active member of our family he worried about me trying to kill him off. Now that he’s left us for Harley and her brood, taken everything from us, and is definitely worth more dead than alive he feels perfectly secure. Seriously! He has taken everything away from me; I have nothing left to lose at this point. And if he were dead I would at least get survivor benefits for the kids from Social Security! Maybe it’s the distance. Whatever it is I sure as hell find it ironic. Let me be clear: I am not plotting his death. It is a simple fact that he is not paying me any support now; if he died I would get survivor benefits. It’s a statement, not a plan.
The other titty twister of irony is in who is receiving child support. Harley’s husband stayed at home with their 3 children under the age of the 4, and the subsequent child that came along a few years later. He was a stay-at-home-dad for 11 years. She has a Masters degree and I’ve seen the bank statements; she makes decent money. It’s half of what CF used to bring home monthly (his annual gross salary is distorted by his obscene bonus check he receives one time per year) but it’s still decent. I don’t know what The Saint makes but it can’t be as much as she makes. He’s only been back in the workforce for a few years and I know he hasn’t worked steadily since his return. Yet that bitch is the one who is consistently receiving child support. I suppose it does make sense seeing as how The Saint actually loves his children and has always been an active, hands-on father.
On the other side of this affair equation you have me and Cousinfucker. I was the stay at home wife who followed him all over the country for 19 out of the 20 years we were together. We both agreed I would be the stay at home parent; he even bragged to his sister and to our kids about the importance of it and how much he liked me being home. Before quitting I worked mainly menial, going nowhere types of office jobs, often signing up with a temp agency just to get some work. My last job I worked from home and it was primarily part-time with the exception of about 3 months when I worked full time. I have been totally financially dependent upon him. He has wanted it that way; he even balked at me going back to school and let me know if I got a job the house and kids were still MY job as well. He has made six figures for the last fifteen years. And yet he’s the one who is NOT paying child support!
Yep, the stay at home dad of 11 years is paying the lying, cheating whore of an ex-wife child support when she makes more money than he does. The lying, cheating man-whore is not paying support to the cheated on, lied to stay at home mom of 18 years who is completely financially dependent upon him. What kind of crazy ass world do we live in?