Things He Did Right

 

I haven’t said many nice things about Cousinfucker in this blog. In fact, I have a really long bitch list I will probably publish one of these days. It’s so long I will have to break it up into separate parts. I did want to acknowledge that he wasn’t always all bad. I like to give credit where credit is due and to present both sides as much as possible. So, here are the things he did right.

  1. He would bring me a candy bar home whenever he stopped at the gas station for Kodiak. Hey, how can you stay mad a guy who brings you chocolate? Sure, he cheated on me, lied to me, moved me across the country for no good reason, but I almost always got a Kit Kat bar if he stopped at the gas station!
  2. He did always thank me for making dinner. I will give him that compliment without any snark.
  3. He was better at remembering all of us when we were out of sight, than I am when someone is out of sight. For instance, if Rock Star and I were out together and she asked for a milkshake or some candy, I would often buy it for her. If Picasso wasn’t around, or we wouldn’t be home until after she had consumed whatever it was that I was buying, I wouldn’t even think to bring something home for him. And I rarely brought home treats for CF, mainly because he rarely wanted anything and wasn’t very upfront about what he liked anyway.
  4. He was a good provider. I never had to worry about how to pay for things for the kids. They never wanted for anything. While we were married, of course.
  5. He liked the house decorated and didn’t mind if I spent money doing so. I know some guys like the house decorated but don’t want to have to spend any money.
  6. I think I’ve mentioned before that while he didn’t often want to go many places with me he never complained about me going without him. In hindsight it probably gave him opportunity to sext with other women…
  7. We almost always had a great time on Christmas Eve. It was probably our one guaranteed great day of the year. We went bowling, sometimes caught a movie, and ate out. Then we’d let the kids open their gifts. They really enjoyed it, and I did, too. Granted, this was a later tradition which only lasted about 4 or 5 years, but it was nice while it lasted.
  8. He had a really good sense of humor, although he rarely showed it off.
  9. He did occasionally go with us or participate in family events with us. I remember one year I took all the ornaments off the Christmas tree and decorated it with New Year’s Eve decorations. We went outside at midnight and had a silly string fight with the kids and lit sparklers. The next year we had the silly string fight in the morning and in the house. He also went with us to DisneyLand and the Grand Canyon. Both times we had a good time and lots of laughs, which means he’s capable; we just weren’t worth the effort.
  10. He let me spend money however I wanted so long as he always had enough.
  11. This is probably due to the fact that he didn’t spend a lot of time with them, but he sometimes had more patience with the kids, especially Rock Star, than I did.
  12. He helped the kids with their homework.
  13. He was very handy around the house. He could do pretty much anything- electrical, installing ceiling fans, replacing garbage disposals, drywall, running cable, replacing garage doors. The list is pretty extensive.
  14. Similarly, he was one of the few people I knew that was book smart and also had common sense. At least until recently. He’s lost his damn mind now! But, generally speaking, if someone was book smart they weren’t worth a damn when it came to changing oil or doing anything around the house. The guys I knew that were handy might have been very intelligent as well; however, they didn’t value education.
  15. Not that we took a lot of vacations after we had kids but before we had kids whenever we would go on vacation his philosophy was always that he was there to have a good time. No holds barred. No expense spared. He wasn’t afraid to spend money and liked to splurge.
  16. He was rarely left alone with both kids. I do remember my daughter telling me though that the weekend I left him in charge while I went to a wedding (because of course he had no interest in going with me) that she and her brother had a lot of fun. Again, Dad didn’t mind spending money so he took them out to breakfast and to a family fun center and he splurged for the deluxe package where they could play all the games and ride all the rides and do everything that was offered. She told me she was actually hoping I would go out of town more often! So, he had it in him to be a good father. He was capable. He just didn’t. And that’s a sad thing because I really believe he had a lot to offer to his kids.
  17. Again, he had a good sense of humor. Rock Star said that her friends loved her dad whenever he would actually interact with anyone. He had the ability, but again, he chose not to most of the time.
  18. He was willing to help out family members. Oh, I know, he was more than willing to help out ol’ Harley, but I’m speaking to what he was willing to do before her. Even if I was the one leading the charge he was willing to go along with it. We frequently paid for airline tickets for Tammy Faye and Pastor Fake; we sent care packages and helped them out with bills on occasion. I sent care packages to my niece in college. We gave his sister money to help buy clothes for her son when she and Husband #2 were going through a tough financial time. I paid for my niece (Queen Bee) to come out to see us 4 or 5 summers and then paid for season passes for her as well. I ended up putting my mom on my cell phone bill after my stepdad died so that she could save money by being a part of a family plan. We were in agreement that we would help pay for my niece’s wedding when the time came if she needed it.
  19. He didn’t complain when I wanted to fly people to wherever we were. I paid for my BFF to come to where we were several times. Granted, I flew her on Southwest when they were having their specials so it cost less than $100, but still… We also flew another friend out twice after we left the area. I flew Rock Star’s best friend out for Thanksgiving back in 2014 and I flew my mom out so she could see Rock Star is one of her out of state meets. He was in full agreement with me to pay for one of Rock Star’s teammate’s travel to out of state competitions. Her parents were going through a hard time financially so she couldn’t compete at any of the out of state meets that year. They declined our offer but he was at least willing to do that for her.
  20. He taught Picasso how to bat.
  21. He was always on top of ordering flowers for our mothers for Mother’s Day and/or birthdays.
  22. He did always buy me a gift for our anniversary and my birthday.
  23. He would always send me flowers for Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day.
  24. I’m going to have an entire separate post about all the bad gifts he bought, but I will give him credit for this: If you gave the man a list and told him what you wanted he did a very good job of following that list. I realize that some people don’t do that so I will acknowledge that.
  25. Sometimes on his own he would do a good job of picking out a good gift. He liked the pricy stuff- laptops, digital cameras, tablets, iPods, Garmins.
  26. He liked animals. I’m not sure I should list this because he walked away from our 3 dogs and 3 cats without a second glance, but he did like animals. I’m thankful he didn’t mind having the ones we had.
  27. Along those lines he did come home early when we had to put our first dog down. He was 14 1/2 and had gone downhill in a matter of hours. We had a vet who would come to our house for all vet visits, and he came over to do the deed. I was very surprised, but pleased, when Zack showed up to be with us.
  28. He was also the one to suggest cremation for our first cat instead of just burying him in the backyard. In hindsight this was brilliant because we ended up moving so had we not cremated them (the first dog and first cat) we would have left them behind when we moved.
  29. When our second dog got hit by a car he picked him up and took him to the emergency vet for care instead of having him put down.
  30. He would rock Picasso to sleep each night. Yes, I did the grunt work of actually getting him ready but CF would rock him to sleep and put him in bed.
  31. He was also always willing to lay down with Rock Star when she was a baby. She slept with us forever and wouldn’t go to sleep unless someone was with her. He was that person most often.
  32. He would play video games with Picasso. Not all the time, but often. I think they had a good time together.
  33. He took Picasso to a movie on opening night. I am not an opening night type of person. He wanted to go and I told him that he could see if his dad would take him. He asked just as CF walked in the door from work and he actually took him, right then and there.
  34. I was told that the first night I was at the hospital after having Picasso my little Rock Star was a hysterical mess. She had never been away from me and despite having her father and both grandmothers there for her she was crying and screaming for me. He got down on the floor with her and put his nose right up against hers and let her scream until she finally calmed down and fell asleep. He didn’t get frustrated. He didn’t get angry. He just laid there with her.
  35. I think I’ve also told the story of meeting up with a long time friend who recounted how we had gone out to dinner and he spent the entire time rocking Rock Star, talking to her, playing with her. He was besotted with her.
  36. He took Picasso twice all night long so that I could get some sleep. That child did not sleep through the night until he was four years old, but I will say thank you for the two times I actually got a full night’s sleep.
  37. I signed us up for ballroom dance lessons and he actually agreed to go. I also signed us up for swing dancing lessons and he again went along with it. Granted, that was back in 2001 but he still went.
  38. I could call him from the road when the kids and I were traveling and ask him to reserve hotel rooms for us. He liked acting as my travel agent. He booked most of my airline tickets (not that I traveled a huge amount) and one time when Rock Star and I were getting in late he booked a hotel room for us so we didn’t have to drive back at 1 in the morning. He even got us the breakfast tickets.
  39. He fathered my two fabulous children.

That’s all I can think of for now. That might be all there is, honestly. I’m actually a little surprised that the list was that long. But since this is a post to give credit where credit is due I’m not going to shit all over it. I will say I’m not all that shocked that most of his good deeds are surrounded by money. That is where he excelled. I hope it doesn’t make me sound like a money grubbing bitch who, as he always liked to claim, only stayed with him for the money. I’m working with what I have. If I had other things to list, I would.

 

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10 thoughts on “Things He Did Right

    1. Dude, I listed 39 things and for 36 of them I didn’t snark! I might have clarified a little bit but I wasn’t snarky. Technically you are correct though. 90% of 39 is just under 36. It still feels like I did a much better job than a mere 90%.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I am absolutely mystified as to why you would give him any credit other than fathering your children. What he has done cancels any good he ever did.

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  2. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. I know it helps to vent. I’m not trying to be critical, but have you considered letting go of the animosity? Yes, you were lied to. Yes, he’s scum.

    But perhaps it’s time to let go.

    Sometimes adult relationships just don’t work out. That’s life. Someone you love doesn’t love you back. It’s harsh, but it’s reality.

    As someone who has been cheated on myself, yeah, it hurts. But you have to move forward. Especially when children are involved. I worked my ass off to get an education. However, even with an advanced degree, I would scrub toilets if I had to for my kids. And no matter how much “adult” hurt I felt, I would never ever lay that on my kids.

    I chose to marry him. I chose to have children with him. Now I am choosing to divorce him. My children will never know the hurt that I felt, nor will I ever speak poorly about their father in front of them. Because he is their father. Period.

    I’m not judging you. You were clearly f-ed over. But do you want revenge, or do you want peace? Those two emotions cannot co-exist.

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