If I Had a Time Machine

I haven’t forgotten about the rest of the fall TV lineup. When I wrote my original review there were still a handful of shows I wanted to see that were premiering later. I think almost all of them have premiered but I haven’t written a review yet.

One of the shows that premiered later and which I’ve been watching (obviously!) is Timeless over on NBC. It is about a stolen time machine and the crew who is trying to get the bad guys back into present time. Naturally, they have a backup time machine. They have two jobs- #1 find the bad guys who hijacked the first time machine and bring them back, #2 make sure they don’t change history because if that happens who knows what the ramifications might be!

Here’s my quick review: I find the plot line intriguing. The actual execution is not as well done. One person came back and her life has been completely changed, but no one else seems to have experienced that. I’m also a bit confused as to how it is that history can change but the people work at the time machine lab are fully aware of the changes. I’m not sure how they are immune to this. However, I love history so I really enjoy the way they go back in time and how they explore that. I love the costumes and the customs of the times. It’s also fascinating to imagine yourself going back in time and having the knowledge that you have now. But the larger storyline involving some arch villain (or organization that is the arch villain) is somewhat tedious.

I keep watching for the historical aspects of it. I’d give it a 6 out of 10. It’s not one of those shows that I look forward to watching every week, but it’s a good way to kill some time. Ha ha ha.

This got me to thinking: What if I had a time machine? Where would I go? What would I do? Obviously I’d go back and play the winning lottery numbers, right? Or bet on the Kentucky Derby or some sporting event. Hell, invest in Google or Apple!

For some reason this is always frowned upon in these situations. I don’t get it. Even if time machines were real it’s not like there are a plethora of them sitting around waiting for people to hijack them and go back in time to bet on games!

So, all money aside, where would I go to alter my own life? My first choice was to go back to the day in May when I met Cousinfucker. I thought maybe my re-do would involve never meeting him. I have no idea how my life would be different now. I suppose it could have ended up worse. Doubtful, but possible. Hey- I was doing the old-fashioned version of online dating at that time in my life. I had 2 or 3 other guys interested in me and I had to pick that shit eating chimp. I’m not saying I would have ended up marrying any of the other 3 guys but surely it wouldn’t have ended as badly as this did!

Of course, then I had the thought that most people think when they’re thinking about this. What about the children???? If I never met Cousinfucker then I wouldn’t have Rock Star and Picasso. Practically speaking, if I had never met him I would never have had them and I wouldn’t even know they were a possibility. In my alternate universe maybe I have little Emily and Zachary and I can’t imagine life without them. But, in reality that moment has passed. I did meet Cousinfucker. I did marry him and I did have two children with him. I know them. I like them. I don’t want replacement children. So….

Where do we go in time next, if we can’t prevent myself from meeting Cousinfucker? So many choices.

I could go back to 2002, soon after Picasso’s birth. I’ve got both kids. I’ve been out of the workforce for 2 years, basically. Cousinfucker was making good money. About half of what he currently makes. But, the kids and I wouldn’t have been used to having a lot of money. They would be young; they would have no idea what it was like to have married parents. They wouldn’t be experiencing the upheaval they’re experiencing now. I would be 33, still young enough that I could jump back in to working and possibly even find love again. Bonus, at this point I was only approximately 2 hours away from my mom so even moving back to the area wouldn’t have been as difficult.

I would be the one at fault for leaving in this situation. Looking back though, when your mother-in-law asks you if your second child was wanted or if you tricked your husband into having another one, things probably aren’t that good. CF was acting like a shit most of the time. It wouldn’t have been adultery level reasons for leaving, but I think it would have been just.

Honestly, I was still very invested in my children having a two parent home. Despite any problems I wasn’t willing to leave him. I was going to stick it out. By golly, it was going to get better!

I suppose my most obvious time to change history would have been back in 2013 after I found out he had been carrying on with Harley all summer despite telling me he had ended it with her. Do I use my time machine to go back to that day and end things with him?

Instead of telling him to get his head out of his ass and decide what he wanted I could go back in time and tell him that I knew they were still involved. I could tell him I wanted his pathetic ass out of the house and not to return. That when the kids and I left to go to my stepfather’s memorial service he could retrieve all of his items then and get the hell out. No second chance. No reconciliation. No trying to make things work.

Now, at this point in time I am 44 years old. I’ve been out of the workforce for 13 years. That’s still a huge gap. BUT, I have friends. I have a support network. I could possibly have been offered a job at the school. Several people I knew and volunteered with through PTA ended up working at the school. That could have been an option. I had a friend who was a supervisor at her job. She might have been able to put in a good word for me and I might have been able to get on there. Her daughter also works at a company who is frequently hiring and her daughter seems to like this company a lot. Again, with a good word from her I might be working a 40 hour a week job that pays decently, instead of what I’m looking at now. Or, I have a few friends who work from home for an airline. They were often posting on Facebook about hiring opportunities. Unfortunately for me now, you have to live in that city so it’s not a possibility for me. Regardless, I knew a lot of people so I had a lot of networking possibilities. The job situation would have definitely been better. My kids could have remained in their sports more than likely. I’m almost certain the gym would have worked with me, and I’m pretty sure the hockey team had scholarships available. 2013 would have been a good time. I would have had a lot of support and much better job prospects. Downside? Getting divorced with my family 1500 miles away.

Or, my final destination could have been to the year 2014. Technically, I would have still needed to have gone back to 2013 because that’s when he began talking about moving to Whoreville. Once he was caught and we “reconciled” and things were “better than ever” he offered to give up on his dream job. I could go back to that day and say, “Thanks, sweetie! I’m so glad to hear that because the kids and I don’t want to move.” I could have vetoed the move and also taken steps to protect myself and my kids in case he did it again.

Of all the options that one seems the least invasive. Go back to that day and stand your ground. Tell him you don’t want to move and you won’t move your kids. Tell him to let The Powers That Be (TPTB) know Whoreville is no longer on the table because his wife refuses to go, the first time in his career that she has ever done so. Rock Star gets to continue on with gymnastics. Picasso gets to continue to play hockey and the cello. Hell, maybe once TPTB know that relocating him is out of the question Cousinfucker would actually get a real promotion and not a lateral transfer! Maybe he would have been an area VP instead of what he was offered. At the very least maybe he would have become the GM when they convinced his GM to relocate.

And then go a step further! Insist that he pay for me to go back to school so that I can get a good job. Or, start working again. Use those contacts and get a job. Best case scenario might even be work part-time and go to school full-time. All while insisting he support me in doing so. Not just monetarily, but physically by helping with the housework, the laundry, the shopping, getting the kids where they need to be.

Maybe if all that had happened we would still be married and I would still be happy. My kids would still be happy. The last two years would not have existed.

Would not moving have helped? If we go with CF’s logic that I hated him and his whole impetus to seek out Harley was because I hated him and was so miserable, then perhaps. When I’m bored I have time to think. I had lots of time to think in Whoreville. I had nothing to do. Back in 2013 I had plenty to do. And at that particular moment I was happy with him. Things were going well. Maybe if that had remained the status quo I wouldn’t have written so much on the other FB page. I would have been too busy. There would have been nothing to report back to him. He wouldn’t have spiraled out of control. He wouldn’t have cheated again. He wouldn’t have left me.

But is that true? That’s quite the gamble. I might be throwing away my ticket to change history if that’s where I choose to stop. He lied to me. First it was multiple women. Then it was only her. I later find out there was at least one other person besides Harley. I have no idea if he continued to cheat while I thought we were happy. I’d like to believe he didn’t, but I don’t know that for certain. The only thing I know is that he lies. We were happy as long as I never brought up his affair with Harley. We were happy as long as I focused on the future. We were happy as long as I danced and danced for him. We were happy as long as I was ticking boxes off of that list he gave me. How long could I dance?

No, if I were given the chance to go back and change my history I would go back to 2002, possibly 2003, shortly after my son was born. I would leave him then. I would have my kids, and yes, I might have had to have shared them more than I do now, but it would have been worth it. Honestly, I don’t think he would have taken them. A 2 year old and an infant? Way too much work! He whined when he was left with only one of them for a few hours! An entire weekend with both of them? Don’t make me laugh!

I could have jumped back into the workforce and be making a decent living right now. I might possibly have met someone new and could be happily married now. Hell, it’s a long shot but I might have actually had another child.

My kids would have no idea what was going on. They wouldn’t feel the pinch because the oldest would have only been 2 or possibly 3. They would know nothing else but parents who were divorced.

The way that it has transpired in the year 2015 they were and are keenly aware of everything that is going on. They know what they are losing, and they have lost a lot. They are cognizant of every change. I’m sure that at 2 or 3 they realize something is going on; they just don’t know what. And typically, as long as the sane parent keeps it together and keeps providing a safe, comfortable environment they adjust; they don’t really have a frame of reference. At 15 or 16, they know and they can see each and every upheaval headed their way.They do have a frame of reference and they probably can’t help but compare their two different lives.

Going back to 2013 would be comfortable. It would provide most of the creature comforts that we have known. Our lives wouldn’t change at all. Until he did it again. I could excuse that though and cling to this idea that I had friends out there and job opportunities. Hell, if I actually took steps back then to protect myself instead of believing him when he professed his great love for me, I would have had a job or a better education when he cheated again. But going back to 2013 means I’m still relying on him. I’m staking my future on being able to control his behavior.

That’s why going back to 2002 is the better option. I’m betting on myself in that instance.


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