We went to a wedding Saturday. I almost cried. Weddings tend to do that to me anymore. Seeing two people, in love, so excited about starting their lives together. And after almost 20 years of marriage I know it’s not always sunshine and roses. But I do always hope they’ll get through any rough patches without involving someone else. That’s not the kind of toast you normally give though. Don’t cheat on your spouse. It’s never worth it. On second thought, maybe that’s the exact kind of speech we should be giving! But I digress. It was a beautiful wedding and the first one I’ve been to since the affair. I still see potential for love and happiness every time I witness a one.
Once again my husband brought up renewing our vows. Marry me again. Commit to me again. I never really have the heart to tell him it didn’t mean anything to him last time. Why should we do it again? He kept telling me how pretty I am and how lucky he is to have me. It’s nice and I do my best to believe him. It’s still hard sometimes. He spent 3 1/2 months lying to me (and I know that’s nothing compared to what some women go through). He wanted to marry his little whore. He believed he loved his little whore. His sister egged him on. “You deserve to be happy. You should do whatever will make you happy.” So now, almost a year after it was discovered and supposedly ended, it’s still a little difficult to believe him when he says those things. There’s always this little nagging voice wondering, “Really? Are we really sure he’s just not trying to pull the wool over our eyes?”
He was drunker than I’ve ever seen him in over 20 years of being with him. It was kind of funny. People are supposed to be truthful when they’re drunk, right? Of course, some people get very loving when they’re drunk, too. So it probably wasn’t just the alcohol talking. And he did mention it before he got totally trashed. He also revisited the topic the next morning but there is a possibility he was still slightly drunk at that point. I’m sure he’ll keep talking about it. Unless he dumps me for the whore, of course. But we’ve been out here and on vacation a total of 3 weeks and he hasn’t dropped the hammer so hopefully she really is gone. But he’ll keep talking. It will never get done. And I can continue to say, “Of course I’ll marry you again,” instead of, “What’s the point? They didn’t mean anything the first time around.”
A friendly PSA. Tomorrow marks my one year anti-versary, a nifty little word I picked up in the blogosphere. I’m still waiting for her to contact me on the one year anniversary. I wouldn’t put it past her although I believe she may have her hands full. I’m not sure I’ll have a chance to get on tomorrow. I’m trying to get unpacked. But maybe in the evening I can reminisce. Ah, the good ol’ day when I found out my husband was a lying, cheating son of a bitch, and my worst fears were confirmed. Good times. Good times.
Present Day Sam Says: I’m glad I didn’t renew my vows with that shit eating chimp. Less than a year after I wrote this he was once again involved with the whore. Once again everyone in his family told him to do what made him happy. Fuck me. Fuck the kids. It’s all about Cousinfucker and what he wants.
I would love to know how happy he is now. Unfortunately, my guess is he really doesn’t give a shit about the mess he left behind. He probably thinks I will come to his rescue and clean it all up once again. I hope he’s miserable, though.