Some Random Ramblings From My Past

Hello! I thought I’d try something slightly new. I’m posting from work today.

June 2014

June X. Last year at this time he was at his sister’s wedding. He and the whore were supposed to get tattoos, compliments of his nephew. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out they had planned on going to the wedding together. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that they did go to the wedding together. Today, one year later, he’s with me, falling apart yet again, while I comfort him and assure him it will all be ok. And yet somehow I got portrayed as the bad guy. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Present Day Sam Says: I’m still being portrayed as the bad guy! He cheats; I’m the evil one. He shows the whore off on Facebook; I’m in the wrong. He abandons his kids, leaves his job, quits paying support and lets everything fall to hell; it’s all my fault. He will never take responsibility for anything.

June 2014

My mother-in-law called. I dismissed it. I didn’t really care to talk to her and my phone was sitting on the counter. I have the whore’s picture as her contact picture and her ring tone is, “Before He Cheats”. I didn’t figure my husband wanted to look at the picture or hear the song. I thought maybe she called to wish her granddaughter a happy birthday, but I guess not. She asked me to give her a call when I got a chance. Not gonna happen. Go call Harley. She’s so important to you. Chat with her. Their upcoming visit is going to be so much fun. BAER

June 2014

House hunting is not going well. Our dream house was a dud. We’ve looked for two days and nothing has been, “Oh my God, I love this! I need this!” The closest was one we saw today but it’s $30,000 more than we want to pay and there is no room for a pool.

Most of the others have some serious problems, mostly just being dated and/or no closet space. We’re going back to look at six tomorrow and also seeing two new ones. We’ve got to grab something so I guess tomorrow I’ll be putting an offer on another house I don’t particularly care for. Hooray!

June 2014

Our new house. I like it. I’m not sure I love it. I wonder if Harley would consider it her dream house. In all honesty it has a good size master bedroom, a great enclosed porch, a fully fenced yard, room for a pool, and it’s 4009 square feet and has a hot tub. I’m not a fan of the master bathroom or all the damn carpet but hopefully both of those things can be fixed.

Present Day Sam Says: I’m sure if he read this it sent him into a tizzy. How dare I be disappointed or discouraged? The reality is we had both been eying a house online. It looked perfect and I kept crossing my fingers that it wouldn’t sell before we could look at it. When we finally did see it it was a complete dud- so many things wrong with it and the reality of it didn’t measure up to the pictures. We were pretty much back to the drawing board after months of being excited about this particular home.

June 2014

I know she knows this page exists. I don’t know if she’s been the one reading or if a friend has tipped her off but I know she knows. How do I know? She’s locked down even tighter than before. Her profile and cover pictures are no longer public, meaning I can see it obviously if I go to her page, but I can’t save it anymore and add to my Whore Collection. That’s ok. I just take a screen shot of the whole thing now. It won’t be a big picture but it’ll do.

I was suspicious when she suddenly went from public to private. I honestly thought she would block me again though. Maybe she realizes if she blocks me she can’t see me either and she won’t know what bile I’m spewing. Maybe it fascinates her. Maybe it strokes her ego I’m still talking about her almost a year later. Maybe it gives her hope that one day Zack will come back to her. Hell, maybe she believed me when I said I’d just create a new identity and keep stalking her and she figures this is clearly the least complicated way to deal with me.

Oh, the kicker? Even though she’s locked down tons of stuff she’s got her phone number still listed.

Added a few days later: She relaxed and now she’s locked down all tight again. Don’t know if it’s because of me or because of her soon to be ex. Speaking of whom, I’m seriously tempted to contact him. I might get some more information my husband was reluctant to pass along. The question is do I want to revisit that now, almost a year later?

June 2014

Wise words, especially now: It is very important for you to understand and remember this… Triggers can remain active for their entire life. Don’t ever think or insist that enough time has passed that they should be “over it” because another sad truth of infidelity is: Your affair will remain a permanent memory for them, subject to involuntary recall at any time – even decades later. They will NEVER be “over it.” They simply learn to deal with it better as they heal, as you earn back their trust, and as you rebuild your relationship – over time.

Present Day Sam Says: Folks, if your cheater doesn’t understand this you may as well call it quits now. They are not remorseful. They are not willing to do the hard work. They want absolution. Immediate forgiveness. If he or she isn’t willing to do the hard work and suffer through your anger and hurt they don’t deserve you. If they can’t accept the fact that there will be triggers at inconvenient times long after you’ve forgiven them and agreed to stay with them, to work on the relationship, you have a long, difficult road ahead of you. They’re not so much wanting to work things out as they are wanting things to go back the way they were with little to no consequences. Your triggers interfere with that. RUN!

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