Things That Keep Me Out of Prison

I thought I’d try something new today so I’m going to tell you a funny story about my kid. At least I found it to be funny. Hopefully you will, too.

I had to pick Rock Star up from work. On our way home she had asked me if I would buy her a sweet tea. This led to an in-depth discussion about which McDonald’s to go to- the one that was closest or her favorite one which is actually closer to our house. She chose her favorite one so I turned down a road and was planning on turning down another main road to get there. I was probably 4 houses away from our house when I suddenly exclaimed, “Oh shit! I was supposed to get you a sweet tea! Oh well, I’ll just cut through this neighborhood.” She thought that had been my plan all along so I responded, “No, honestly I forgot. I was just on auto-pilot.”

Blank stare from her. “What’s auto-pilot?”

“You know, like when the pilot of a plane is flying and he flips the switch to put it on auto-pilot and then the plane basically flies itself.”

Honest to God, she looks at me and replies, “But you didn’t flip a switch.”

She tells me that she doesn’t think it was a very good analogy. Because, you know, I didn’t actually flip a switch.

Later, as we were driving around so I could finish my ice cream cone (I am a notoriously slow eater) she tells me her teacher always tells me, “A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.” Now, I’m not sure why a history teacher would have a reason to utter that phrase but nonetheless he did. Rock Star starts going off on her tangent: I thought it was a sexual reference at first. I thought it meant that you kissed her once and you got to $%#* her for the rest of your life. I was going to tell him that probably wasn’t something he should be saying around us.

I was dying.

I hate that she didn’t get her license on time but I do enjoy my conversations with her. She makes me laugh and some days it’s moments like these that are truly the only reason I’m not in prison.

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