Reaching Out

I deleted almost all of his family off of my friends list before this ever happened. Some of them probably didn’t deserve it. They probably didn’t know that he had had an emotional affair with the whore, and as far as I know they didn’t interact with her, but I just got to the point where I figured they were his family and if things didn’t work out with us they didn’t need to be all up in my business. I can’t explain it; I just felt “yucky” letting them see what I was up to.

There were a few people I left- his niece, a nephew, two of his sisters that he’s not all that close to, another niece who is his age, Jezebel’s ex and former stepson (technically, they’re not part of the family anymore, right?), his brother-in-law, two cousins (obviously not the one he’s sleeping with), and both of his stepbrothers’ ex-wives. I didn’t delete his brother or his wife, but I do have them restricted ever since I deduced that they are now friends with the whore. The sister-in-law likes to tag herself in my pictures and I really don’t want the whore having access to my life.

For the most part, the people from his father’s side of the family are the sane ones. Ironically, the person who reached out was from his mom’s side. We aren’t what I would classify as close but we have messaged a little bit here and there. I’ve commented on some of her posts and she has commented on some of mine. Her daughter lost a friend a few years ago and there is an erroneous viral story going around on Facebook about that incident. She had asked that people please post to correct people and I wrote to her once to let her know that I had done so. When we were preparing to move from out west back east she was excited about it and let me know we would only be about 6 hours from her. She invited us to visit; I invited her up.

I had posted a picture of my daughter doing a leap on a log. I wrote a caption about how she would always be a gymnast. This cousin replied that she was stunning and reiterated that she still wanted to come visit us. She asked if Rock Star competed in the spring and suggested that she could swing by on one of her trips either to see family or back to her home state.

I debated for a while and then decided to let her know that we were no longer living in our now former state, and that while Rock Star was supposed to be the captain of her high school gymnastics team she was no longer able to compete because of our move.

She sent me a message later that day, apologizing for opening up a can of worms. She said she had no idea what had happened, only that Cousinfucker and I aren’t together anymore, that he’s back in his home state, and that she never sees me on Facebook anymore. She again apologized for any hurt she might have caused by bringing it up and said that she was very sorry for whatever happened between me and Cousinfucker.

I figured, “What the hell?” and told her the whole story- condensed version. She seemed very sympathetic, told me that it sounded like we could both use a bottle or two of wine, and asked where the kids and I were now. We talked a little bit more and she told me I was welcome to come visit her whenever. She loves to cook and told me if I made it down there I would have a place to stay and home cooked meals.

I will probably never get down there but I did appreciate the offer. I appreciated the fact that she didn’t act like what he did was no big deal. Everyone else seems to have quickly substituted the whore for me. Eh. No big deal. He’s happy. Not her. She apologized for any hurt she may have caused by asking about Rock Star’s gymnastics, and told me how sorry she was for whatever happened between me and Cousinfucker.  She is the only person in that entire family on both sides who has really done that. I can’t even begin to put into words how much that means to me.

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7 thoughts on “Reaching Out

    1. I can’t explain it. I don’t even try. You know the dysfunction runs deep in CF’s family. His mom encouraged her to call him! The pastor of the family along with the Christian singer all think it’s fantastic. I just shake my head.

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  1. Once I erased all my in laws and wh’s relations off Facebook, I felt a lot better. There was no way for me to deal with how mil was controlling the narrative nor did I want any posts of mine to somehow ping back to her or the m/cow. No boundaries or respect exists.

    Recently one of wh cousins reached out about a family reunion and like you, I thought wtf, I’ll tell her. She’d always been lovely to me, as had a lot of his extended family. Her reaction was wow, of course, but she said that she felt she and the rest of the family had done something to offend me and that I was pissed off at them.

    I said nope. She said she would keep my story confidential. I said don’t bother, I actually don’t care who knows. And we’ve been social media contacts since. I figure when I’m absent from any functions, she can at least diffuse the drama and gossip. I told her I was no longer attending family functions since wh girlfriend had been to so many. I was told my absence caused drama. Apparently bringing your girlfriend and spouse to a funeral isn’t the drama, it’s the spouse not being cool with it. And that is when I stopped doing PR for wh and his family. They can fumble thru it themselves. It’s so freeing. I realized that I’d been the villain they all needed (wh is the charmer who does no wrong) and not having me there makes them have to deal with themselves. It’s a family full of social workers, therapists, life coaches and bullshit.

    We are trying to reconcile and one of my conditions is I get to decide my contact with his family. Since mil was rooting for the marriage to end and have wh move home with her (he’s 50, gag), I see no point in playing the game.

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      1. Well of course! It’s image control. Showing respect for family, naturally. Mow showed respect for wh family by fucking him and disrespecting his mother, who owned the business, disrespected me, and of course the husband and kids she ditched at home to shine like a star (not really, see below). Wh showed his respect by buying me a new dress, grabbing my hand and parading me and the kids in front of the mow like a close family, hand in hand. It was the first time I laid eyes on her and I thought, who’s the mousy ugly little thing up against the wall. And why is she smiling at me with her mouth but glaring with her eyes? He showed respect for the dead bitch grandma (she really was), and his mother, by risking the family business. And of course his respect for me and the kids, my sexual health….blah blah blah. He fucked her again 2 days later while my parents were visiting for Easter. Respectful. As for how the in laws treated me and the kids after dday, not with respect.

        Guess who’s consistently called disrespectful to the family since I’ve gone no contact? Only me. Guess where wh learned how to absolve himself of all icky behavior and blame others? Wh doesn’t blame me anymore, but those lessons are ingrained in him and his ic is exorcising them out. That therapist met wh and saw a goldmine of foo issues. I’m sure he’s looking at beach houses.

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