Yeah, Christmas is over and so is Festivus, I’m sure. Does anyone have a date on this holiday? Nonetheless, the airing of grievances continues! One of my all time favorite stories follows- the infamous show lettuce. Plus, some slight repeat stories. This started out strictly as a bitch list and eventually I wrote about some of these atrocities so I apologize for the repeats.
– We were at a company management Christmas party, I believe. Something was brought out on a bed of show lettuce. My dear husband eats whatever the course was, maybe cottage cheese? And then proceeds to eat the show lettuce. Not wanting him to be the only one who ate the show lettuce I swallow it down as well. My friend told me, “You’re a good wife.” Yeah, apparently not that good; he decided to fuck his cousin instead of being faithful to me.
– The first time I begged him to go to marriage counseling with me after his “confession” (June 2013) he flat out refused and then told me when I found out he’d spent the summer texting and calling his cousin/whore, “You know I haven’t been happy for a long time.” Many years earlier I had asked him to go with me, not even necessarily for marriage counseling and his response was that he didn’t believe the counselor could offer him anything.
– As our kids got older and could stay by themselves for short periods of time I suggested doing a date night weekly, or at least monthly. “Why would we want to do that?” was his response. Yes, I’m totally to blame for us “growing apart”.
– He got mad at me after marital counseling and accused me of thinking I was “so perfect”. This was after the counselor asked how things were going and he just sat there. I was the one who had to tell the story. I told it factually. I didn’t call either of them names or embellish. I simply said, “This is what happened. This is what I was told.” But yes, apparently because I can recall our conversations and tell the counselor what happened I think I’m perfect and do nothing wrong.
– He repeatedly threw me under the bus, especially near the end. Some of the whopper lies he told: We hadn’t had sex in 10 years. I wrote on my other Facebook page, while he was DYING (lie #1) that he was annoying me and wasting my time (lie #2). I left him upstairs alone to cry and didn’t check on him all day. Yes, he couldn’t wait to tell everyone how horrible I was and how mistreated he was; meanwhile, here I am protecting him at all costs. I told three people about his original affair, and two of them lived out of state. Some of my closest friends had absolutely no idea what he had done because I didn’t talk about it. We never had a ten year drought on sex; in fact, considering who he told this to I know he lied about this in the last year. It is true that our sex life took a huge hit for a year or so before his first affair with the gold digging whore, in the last 2 years we had been having lots of sex! Make up sex. Sex twice a day sometimes. Perhaps when he said we hadn’t had sex in ten years what he meant was we hadn’t had sex as frequently as he liked in ten years, and the frequency he would like is ten times a day, every day. Stupid ass! The whole, “She just leaves me upstairs to cry in my room. She hasn’t checked on me all day,” was bullshit! I had checked up on him frequently; every time I checked on him he was sleeping. He was always complaining about how he couldn’t get any sleep so when I saw that he was finally sleeping I didn’t want to wake him. In hindsight I think he lied about the sleeping, too. Every time I would come to bed he was snoring. No sleep my ass. Finally, we all know the dying story is not true. He wasn’t dying and I never wrote anything like that anywhere.
– He also loved to tell people that I only stayed with him for the money, and he had told me he felt like he was nothing more than a wallet and a handyman. I will admit he makes (made) good money. The kids and I lived a very nice life and there wasn’t a whole lot we couldn’t have within reason. No, we weren’t out there buying cars and diamonds and flying off on vacation every other month, but if the kids needed clothes I bought them clothes. They had very nice Christmases. We live(d) in a beautiful, spacious home. To hear him talk, though, you’d think he had a trust fund or something. When I think back to all the things I put up with “the money” wasn’t enough to make me stay if I didn’t love him. He has not been a big ol’ joyful picnic. He’s a neurotic mess, a drama queen, a pessimist, and he was never much of a partner or a parent. 20 years later and all we have is a bunch of debt despite him making 6 figures for the last 15 years. 20 years of moving all over the country, no matter how happy we may have been somewhere. 20 years of buying a new house, getting situated in a new community, making all new friends, watching my kids have to go through that as well. So, no, sweetheart, the money wasn’t why I stayed. The really funny part though is he’s involved with a true gold digger. She’s never had a budget, spends money like it’s water, and has been arrested for writing bad checks. Seriously! How many bad checks and at what amount do you need to write them before they haul your ass off to jail? Not only that she attempted to sucker my husband in with her sad tale of woe where she’s trying to convince him that her husband is the one that likes to spend, spend, spend, and she’s had to file bankruptcy three times because of him! She works 70-80 hour weeks because her husband is wasting all of their money. Ironically, her husband says that never happened. They filed bankruptcy once- when their restaurant closed down. Aside from that it never happened. He wasn’t the one with the spending problem; she was. My dumbass husband is throwing money at her like he used to throw at the strippers he once dated. I’m sure she’s not in it for the money, though! And she will definitely not be moving her ass any time soon. Oh hell, no! Her kids aren’t going to have their lives disrupted.
– Oh yeah, before he dated me he dated two strippers. Not at the same time. Although with his track record and habit of lying who the hell knows!
– While he will bitch and moan to anyone who will listen (mainly his mommy, his sister, his “best friend”, and, I’m sure, his whore) that I just spent every dime he ever made he’s not doing a better job! He’s cashed in stock and taken out a loan to the tune of over $11,000. He has almost $5000/month from his paychecks because he lives at home and pays no bills (he gives me what he thinks he will be ordered to pay and not a dime more! I then pay all the bills out of that.) When he was asked if he had put his share of the money into my account he told me he hadn’t. When asked why he hadn’t, his response was he didn’t have it. His American Express bill is 60 days past due. He paid $200 of a more than $4000 bill when the minimum payment was over $2000. And his corporate card? Oh, that sucker was delinquent as well. And filled with charges for his whore and their fucktastic getaways! (Obviously, this was written during the time he was still living in the house. Things did change but all of the above remains true.)
– He never gets along with his immediate boss. They are fantastic once they are no longer his boss, but while he’s working under them they’re a PITA. In hindsight, I think the reason the people out on the floor like him so much is because he feels he can afford to be generous with them. They fawn over him. They never tell him he’s wrong, and if they were to question him, hey, he’s the boss. I think it’s possible that he gets along with the people from corporate because they all think he’s the greatest thing ever, plus they don’t tell him what to do. They are not his immediate superior and in fact they are known to have an attitude of, “Whatever it takes for him to fix the mess….” He loves that because he’s never told no.
– He was not much of a social person period! He had his moments, but pretty much after he lost his job and we moved he became a hermit. As for holidays, well, he hated them and started leaving me to go visit family on my own almost as soon as we got married.
– He makes no effort to keep up with friendships and then whines that no one comes around. Not that he really has many friends anymore.
– He hated Christmas or at least getting gifts. It was like pulling teeth to get gift ideas. He said it was because he didn’t want to disappoint anyone if they got him something he didn’t like.
– He didn’t like getting birthday gifts, supposedly, either, but he would get butt hurt if you didn’t get him a card.
– I know this is bitchy but I’m going to list it anyway. He was usually terrible with gift giving. I read somewhere once that it’s because people like him have no empathy; they think only of themselves so they can’t imagine thinking about what another person might want. If you gave him a list he was very good about getting everything on that list, even if you didn’t expect that. He was also very good about sending flowers. I will give him credit. But there was one Christmas I got a water filter, a spaghetti pot with a strainer lid, and footie pajamas about 3 sizes too big. There were a few other things in there, too, but I don’t recall what all they were. I think that might have been the year he put car wash coupons in my stocking. My mom always remembers that. Another Christmas I recall him being so proud; he told me he got me a lot of things he thought I was really going to like. It was, as I like to call it, the “As Seen On TV” Christmas. I think I got everything except the automatic plant watering bulbs. There was the pedi-egg, the facial hair remover pads, the no corner brownie tray, a pancake pourer (I will admit I do use that), the sliders griddle…. hmmmm, I can’t remember anymore. It was just package after package of this type of stuff. One year I got a coat that I still wear. Update: I bought myself a new coat so I don’t have to wear that thing anymore. It was quite the practical gift. I do appreciate it but it’s also about 2 sizes too big. Was he subtly trying to tell me that I was a big ol’ fatty and I needed to slim down? Seriously- all the pajamas he bought me were 2X and 3X.