A Post With No Title

August 2014

Two things I want to explore although I may only get through one of them tonight. It’s late and I’m tired.

Apologizing versus burying your head in the sand and only wanting to “focus on the future” and not letting the OW take up head space, courtesy of Shawn’s blog.

I’ve been reading a blog where the man cheated on his wife WITH HER BEST FRIEND for over 2 years. 28 months, I believe. This guy, from the sounds of it, thinks she should be over it, doesn’t tolerate her anger or sadness well, and wants to forget about the past and concentrate instead on the future. I get so frustrated reading about that but if I think back that’s pretty much been Zack’s mantra. We never did talk after I found his message between him and his nephew. Well, I should say we talked a little bit, but not much. It’s all been swept under the rug. Sure, he says he loves me and that she was a huge mistake but I sometimes feel as though we’ve never really got to the heart of the matter. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to take Shawn’s advice to forget about the OW and concentrate on your own marriage. There hasn’t been a final resolution. It’s been: Oops, I made a mistake. I lied and cheated all summer long, spent my days and weekends texting another woman and telling her I loved her and wanted to marry her, had her send me naked pictures but now? Now I realize you are the love of my life and I can’t get enough of you and she was nothing more than a mid-life crisis. All better. Let’s renew our vows!

I keep feeling like there should be more to this, more to repairing the damage. Sure, he answered my questions that first week. He answered some more questions on two different occasions. He seemed genuinely shocked that I was so upset over finding his FB messages that detailed his brilliant plan to dump me and marry her, thinking he had covered that with his vague “we talked about a future together”. That was when he finally admitted it was serious pretty much from the very beginning. And I suppose his reasons were pretty damn simple. He felt like our marriage was over; like there was nothing left. He thought I didn’t care. He wanted love, attention, and affection and he got all that, at least superficially, with her. Easy peasy. And yet I continue to feel like we haven’t done the hard work; we’re just burying our heads in the sand and focusing on the future. Here’s the thing though. Those that don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.

Part Two coming tomorrow. Or sometime.

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7 thoughts on “A Post With No Title

  1. I think this more than anything will show a betrayed spouse whether or not the cheater really wants to make things work because if they do they will do WHATEVER is necessary to help the BS feel better if they don’t I think it’s basically a big red flag that they aren’t being genuine

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    1. Absolutely! He was way too eager to put it all behind us and act like it never happened. He was also way too focused on what I do to make the marriage a better place and not focused at all on what he, the cheater, could and should do.

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  2. This isn’t good. This isn’t good at all. The fact that he isn’t doing more shows that he doesn’t think he didn’t do anything that bad. He needs to suck it up and so everything she needs and never argue with her over her questions. He’s not respecting her at all. Maybe it’s too familiar and really pushing some of my anger buttons. This guy’s a jerk.

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      1. Yeah, one was me and the other was from a blog I read. But you are correct when you say he wasn’t doing what he should and he wasn’t respecting me. In hindsight it’s very clear. Shoot, even living through it I felt like there should be more.

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