That’s kind of a depressing title, huh? I know it’s popular to believe that in the end good always prevails but after so much of what I’ve read I’m just not sure.
I don’t know why I’m writing this today. Maybe it’s because I’m under the weather with a cold. Or maybe because it’s snowing and I’d prefer to stay inside and curl up with my dogs, sipping cocoa and watching television but instead I have to go to my second job. Hell, maybe it’s the realization that I’m pretty sure I’m never going to get another day off again in my life.
The reality though is that things are actually looking a tiny little bit up for me. I’ve started my second job as of yesterday and it looks like they’re going to be giving me plenty of hours. So… while that means no sleep, no days off and rarely seeing my kids it also means more money for me. I got the full-time position I wanted and I’ll start in January. It doesn’t pay much ($11/hour) but it’s full-time and comes with benefits although I’m not sure what I’ll be able to take advantage of aside from paid days off. So on that front things are going okay.
Back to that whole “evil always wins” thing. I really think it does. If you’re willing to cheat and lie you don’t really care about others. That puts you at a big advantage in winning.
If you don’t care who you hurt you can focus on getting what you want regardless of the collateral damage. Cousinfucker doesn’t give a shit that his kids are struggling and that their standard of living has fallen way, way below what they’re used to. He’s happy and that’s all that matters. Harley doesn’t care about the price my kids have paid. She got what she wanted. Her kids haven’t had to pay a price for her cheating ways. They got MORE in fact because Cousinfucker was trying so hard to buy their love and affection. Jezebel is a horrible person. She cheated on Husband #1 with Husband #2 and then cheated on Husband #2 with Husband #3. She’s always looking to trade up and to find some poor sap who is willing to give her whatever she wants and she’s successful. I couldn’t even begin to imagine treating people the way she treats them and yet she has everything she has ever wanted and I’m just a cheated on wife working 2 jobs and trying to keep my head above water.
Because they don’t play by the rules, because they don’t care who they walk over, they come out ahead. She’s never left anyone without having someone else lined up. In her first divorce Husband #2 gave her money and paid for lots of extras. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out Husband #3 also helped support her after her divorce from Husband #2. God knows he paid for enough hunting equipment for his little Rambo Barbie.
Bonnie, from my stellar example of cheating true loves living happily ever after, ruined a long term marriage, embezzled from her employer, ended up in prison, left her true love for the ex-con she met in the halfway house, and then divorced him. By all accounts she’s perfectly happy. It doesn’t weigh heavily on her conscience that she has left all this damage in her wake.
I see it time and time again on Chump Lady. Cheaters leaving their families behind and having these fabulous lives. They get away with not paying their obligations. In some cases they get away with turning their kids against the person they’ve cheated on. They get away with hiding money and skirting any kind of responsibility. In my case, he’s doing all of that while portraying himself as the victim.
That is simply so foreign to me. I would be too embarrassed to show my face if I were cheating on my husband and he left me because of it. I sure as hell wouldn’t be posting pictures of me and my moral-less lover all over Facebook and proudly crowing that we were in a relationship. I would never think to cheat on my spouse and then try to take him for everything he was worth, and yet some women do. I don’t think I could ever spend money on another man and look my husband in the eye and lie to him the way he did to me.
They have a leg up on those of us with a soul because when you are a good person, a kind person, a person with a moral compass, you can’t fathom someone acting like that. Yet they do and it takes us by surprise each and every time. We don’t tend to go for the jugular or make people dance for us just for fun. These disordered wing nuts do. That’s why evil wins. They don’t play by the rules. They hit below the belt.
They’re able to disregard everyone for their own wants. I think too much. I can’t imagine sleeping with someone else’s husband. I would hate myself. I envision having to face his kids and them hating me because I tore their family apart. I imagine meeting his family and them all knowing I’m a home wrecking whore. Those thoughts never occur to actual home wrecking whores or their male counterparts. They probably figure everyone will be enamored of them as is their just due. If they’re against the union, well, they’re just jealous of their happiness.
Conversely, I could never cheat on my husband. There were times I felt vulnerable but I always made sure I didn’t put myself into a compromising situation. I would never be able to look him in the eye. I would feel like a fraud. I would have been consumed with guilt. Yet people do it all the time. They don’t blink an eye. It doesn’t bother them. They’re getting whatever it is that they want and they do.not.care about anyone else.
I remember watching some reality show years and years ago. The woman was pregnant and on bed rest and I remember she had a little bell that she would ring and her husband would come running. I was aghast. I was probably one of the least complaining pregnant women out there. For one, I was so damn thankful I was pregnant and that I didn’t lose this one that I didn’t feel right to complain about anything. For another I had just never been raised to be a pain in the ass. Look, I get she was on bed rest and that she couldn’t do for herself. But come on! Do you need to ring the damn bell every five minutes? I felt guilty asking him to make me a glass of lemonade! One damn time!
Back in high school I used to think guys liked bitches (and conversely, girls liked bad boys). It seemed the shittier a guy was treated the more he loved that girl. I don’t know if it was because it was a challenge or what. I dated at least two guys who were like that. I thought that as we got older most of us outgrew that. But I’m back to thinking that’s true. Harley and Jezebel are both horrible people and yet they are with someone. They both have everything they have ever wanted. Granted, Harley didn’t get the prize she thought she was going to get but there is still time. He can still try to pull a rabbit out of his hat.
I think it’s the guilt that gets us. I had a hard time standing firm with my decision to cut most of his family out of my life after the first EA and the fact that they didn’t cut ties with Harley. Towards the end I was slowly caving. I was being portrayed as the unreasonable person while they were simply good Christians. Because I have the ability to feel guilt they could use that, however unintentionally, against me. They don’t have guilt. They don’t have a moral compass. So they were perfectly fine with cavorting with that whore while acting like hapless victims.
They get away with it because they do. not. care. You can’t punish them. You can’t guilt them. They don’t have feelings like the rest of us do. They can look you in the eye and spew lie after lie. They can live in your home with you and your kids and take off every weekend to go fuck their whore. They lie and cheat and then when divorce papers are filed they set out to financially destroy you as well, all while acting like they’re an innocent unfairly maligned. Poor them. Can you believe that crazy person is doing all of this to poor little him or her? They throw you under the bus after stabbing you in the back and in the meantime so many of us are still trying to play by the rules.
We get court orders and they refuse to follow them. We keep our noses clean to look good in court and to make sure we don’t look like we’re alienating our kids from the other parent and they do whatever the hell they want. They hide money and quit jobs and spend marital funds on whores. They cash in stock and take out loans on their 401ks and they get away with it. In the end there’s really nothing a judge can do to make it right. You’re dealing with someone who doesn’t think like you, has no conscience, doesn’t play by the rules, and thinks that wanting something justifies them taking it no matter how many people they step on. Their happiness is the only thing that matters and everything and everyone else can just fuck off and die. It’s not a level playing field. Most of us still believe in playing fair, playing by the rules, doing the honest thing. We can’t even begin to imagine the things they do because those actions are so foreign to us. We think they love us; we think they love their children and the lives we were leading together. We think they have a heart and a conscience. That’s why, when up against the disordered, evil always wins.