My Bitch List, Part 4

More adventures in parenting with Cousinfucker! More Airing of Grievances! Look, I was married to the guy for over 20 years. This list probably averages out to maybe 5 complaints a year so I think that’s pretty good.

    • He would tell me that if I ever left him he would take the kids.  That’s a laugh.  He doesn’t even want them now and they’re pretty self sufficient.  Back then he would have really had his hands full!  He couldn’t be bothered to watch them for a few hours but suddenly he was going to take custody from me?  Oy vey!
    • Along with that he liked to remind me that I didn’t really have any options if I chose to leave him.  Where would I go?  I didn’t work and at the time we had 2 small children.
    • I am slowly (or not so slowly) coming to the conclusion that he LIKED and WANTED me to be dependent upon him.  See above.  He thought I would have no options, therefore no way to ever leave him.
    • I used to joke that if I ever died he would either move his mom up to our house to take care of the kids or he would immediately hire a nanny.  Never once did he speak up and protest that.  In hindsight it seems pretty apparent that that’s exactly what he would have done.  He wasn’t going to lower himself to take care of those bothersome kids!.
    • He constantly moved the goal posts.  I told a therapist years ago that I felt like I could never do anything right.  If he complained about the house being a mess I’d do my best to make sure the house got cleaned up.  Once that was done he would complain about the laundry not being caught up.  So I would keep the house clean and do the laundry.  What do you know?  Now he’s complaining about the fact I didn’t cook dinner.  I cook dinner and now he’s complaining that he doesn’t always need a four course meal.  But if I make him a sandwich he tells me that he doesn’t consider a cold sandwich a meal.  If I clean the house, do the laundry, manage to make the correct meal, then he’s going to complain about sex.  And you guessed it- too much sex, he complains; too little sex he complains.  He’s like Goldilocks and the 3 Bears, only there’s never a “just right”.  Then I clean the house, do the laundry, make the correct meal, have the correct amount of sex, so now he’s bitching about how the kids behave.  It’s a never ending cycle of bitching and moaning.  Meanwhile, he sits on his little throne and does nothing while I dance frantically trying to make him happy.
    • He would always bitch about watching his own kids.  He complained one time that he had had to “babysit” four times that week. Um, dumbass, it’s called being a father.  His bullshit language notwithstanding, he was counting times that I would leave one child with him and take the other with me to do such fun things as buy school clothes or go grocery shopping!
    • Speaking of taking children with me… when my son was around a year old I needed to go grocery shopping for our holiday dinner.  We were hosting it up at our house so I had a lot of things to buy.  He told me to take our little Houdini (so named because of the way he slipped out of the safety belts while riding in the shopping cart) with me so that I didn’t waste time and dawdle at the store. Yep, you guessed it. I did it. I got to enjoy a shopping trip while wrestling a toddler. It was wonderful. Instead of it taking an hour, it probably took 2. It’s hard to concentrate when you’re wrestling with a toddler who doesn’t want to sit in the cart.
    • If I ever did grow a backbone and insist that he man up and take care of the kids while I went out to dinner or to do a party I would inevitably come home to find my infant son in a diaper that had obviously not been changed since I left, and sleeping in his clothes instead of pajamas.  I never complained though because I knew that if I did he would use that as an excuse as to why he shouldn’t be left with them.  If you don’t like the way I do things then you stay at home and do it!
    • I got absolutely no support from him when I tried my hand at being a Tastefully Simple consultant.  He didn’t watch them while I was trying to get ready for a party, and he bitched and moaned any time he had to watch them while I was doing a party.  I took my kids along several times.
    • One weekend I had two different events scheduled for TS. I ended up driving almost 2 hours to drop my kids off with my mother so that she could watch them because he wouldn’t. Or rather, I would have to listen to him bitch and moan all weekend.
    • One year I decided to have a birthday party for myself.  It was going to be an all day long event with pottery painting, dinner, and bowling.  My brother ended up having to come up to my house and watch my two kids along with his own two because my husband conveniently had a golf outing that day.
    • In the grand scheme of things this isn’t terrible but I’m listing it anyway. I won an overnight stay at a hotel. I thought that for our anniversary we could use the free room and celebrate. I even went so far as to drive the kids down to my mom’s house. But he didn’t want to go. He liked sleeping in his own bed. He liked his own pillow. So we celebrated our anniversary with the young children out of the house by buying a big screen TV. I’m not sure we even went out to dinner. Yet if asked he would tell you I’m the reason the marriage failed. I didn’t want to do anything with him; I never wanted to have sex. We never talked. Because he was too busy doing what he wanted! I ended up taking my kids one night before the gift certificate expired.
    • I went away to a women’s conference with my small group from church.  Instead of leaving my kids with their father I drove 7 1/2 hours to take my daughter to my former mother-in-law’s house so that she could watch her.  I then turned around and drove 5 1/2-6 hours to take my son up to my mother’s.  The next day I drove the 3 hours to the conference.  I had a wonderful weekend with my friends, but I ended up having to turn around and do it all over when it was time to pick them up.
    • I actually ended up getting my son sooner than planned because my husband was going away for a week on business and he wanted to see him before he left.  So, instead of me getting a free day (and remember, at that time in my life I was with my kids pretty much 24/7 with very little help from my husband) to do whatever, I (and I alone, husband did not come with me) met my mom halfway and picked up my boy so that my husband could see him for a few hours before he left on a business trip. And a few days later I drove back down to his mom’s house to pick up our daughter.
    • I’ve already entertained you with my stories of how he tried to avoid “babysitting” his own kids, but some days I did get lucky and manage to get out the door without at least one of them.  On one such day I got back and asked him how it went.  His reply?  It was the worst day of my life.  He was dead serious.  His voice was all shaky and desperate and everything.  When my mom heard that story she said he hadn’t had enough bad days then. She and my brother still talk about that.
    • Most of the stay at home life I tried to get involved and keep myself busy.  I can’t think of any time that I ever asked him to help out.  When I was a small group leader I found babysitting for all the kids instead of asking him to come to church and take the kids back home with him.  When I was in the choir (very briefly) I brought my kids with me.  When I was a Sunday school teacher my kids spent 3-4 hours at church every Sunday.  They would go to their regular classroom while I was in church for the first service, and then the second service I would teach so they would go to a second class.  I never asked him to come pick them up because I knew he would throw a fit.  So, my kids spent a lot of time in church on Sundays.  And the days that we would have group we would be there even longer because that was shortly after church.  When I was on the Meal Team at church I also took my kids and either tried to keep an eye on them while we cooked, or they would try to get a babysitter.  But my husband stepping up and being a parent?  Not going to happen.  Most of what I did outside of church I did during the day- MOPS, PTA, classroom volunteer.  He really couldn’t have helped out then, but even when he could have he didn’t, preferring to watch tv and nap.
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3 thoughts on “My Bitch List, Part 4

  1. after the honeymoon period wears off I think Harley will be in a for a big surprise AND I know there is no way in hell she is going to be able to live up to your performance – I’m not sure even Jesus could this guy is unfuckingbelievable

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  2. honestly they are all pretty appalling but scheduling a gold outing on your bday AND not wanting to go out and celebrate your anni? girl you are LUCKY he’s gone

    it makes me think of this quote that I have on a post it on my computer that is there always “Newbies should know the pick me dance means you’ve attached meaning to what you HAD. Their actions state clearly they are unable to attach meaning to anything unless it is of USE. Fuck that shit. Get out and count your blessings you know enough and can never trust them.

    The OW? Pass the leash because they now have what YOU decided to pass on. An asshole who can NEVER be trusted. Live you authentic life. Put that shit in the rear” and not only can he not be trusted he will never treat a wife as she should be treated

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