My Bitch List, Part 5

Wow! I didn’t realize I was going to have so many parts to this. I’m trying to break it up into smaller parts so that you can truly savor some of the shittier things he said or did. When you’re bombarded with a hundred of them at once you can’t fully embrace the sucktitude. Anyway, in today’s Airing of Grievances we will focus on his lack of parenting skills, his selfish behavior, some outlandish behavior I put up with, and his dysfunction. I just love Festivus!

    • Our relocation counselor completely screwed the pooch on our move so we ended up already living in another state before we found out what our house was appraised at and what our buyout offer would be.  It was $40,000 less than what we had just refinanced the house for less than a year prior.  Instead of taking charge he ended up catatonic on our bed all weekend long while *I* took charge and called his mentor to see if we could get some help.  I’m sure I also spent quite a bit of time patting his wittle head and telling him everything would be ok.
    • He kicked me out of our bed for approximately seven years because of my “snoring”.  Seven years!  And then wondered why our sex life had dwindled.  Funny thing- when you make your wife feel like a low-level street walker she doesn’t tend to get the crotch tingles.  Seriously.  He honestly expected me to come into the bedroom, service him, and then go back out to the living room and sleep on the couch so as to not disturb him.
    • I believe the first time he ever took both kids out with him was when they were 4 and 6; maybe 5 and 7.  I was puking and shitting (again, probably TMI) and he was going to the drugstore to get me some medication and clear liquids.  Shitbird actually looks at me and asks, “Do you want me to take them with me?”  I shot daggers at him with my eyes and replied, “Yes.”  He was very hurt and told me, “I was just asking!”
    • Of course, later on, when he was sick I had to find a last minute babysitter to watch our son. This was probably a year after we had moved so I wasn’t real tied in with a support network.  Incidentally, out of the two kids, our son was definitely the easier child to have when you were sick.  He would sit in bed with you and watch tv.  He wasn’t going to take that opportunity to tear up your house and create all sorts of messes.  But, the King couldn’t possibly be left with a 5 year old while I took our daughter to an ice skating show that we had bought tickets for 6 months prior and had been eagerly awaiting to see. No!  He was sick!  So I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to find someone to watch our son so I don’t have to disappoint our daughter and cancel this long awaited outing.  Thank God one of our friends had a kid who offered to come home for a few hours and watch him!
    • I was at my son’s class holiday party when I got a frantic call from my daughter.  She needed a $1 gift for the gift exchange for her own class party.  Obviously, I couldn’t leave at that moment.  I was actually in charge of my son’s party.  My dear husband was home for the day so I called him up and said, pretty much exactly this:  I need you to run to Target and get a dollar gift out of the dollar bin for a girl.  Then take it up to daughter’s school.  Go in the office and tell them it’s for her, in Mr. X’s class.  You would have thought I asked the man to perform open heart surgery on himself.  What?  What do I do?  How do I know what to get?  What do I say?  He ends his lovely tantrum with this:  Fine.  I’ll do it but this is NOT what I want to do!  Then he hangs up on me.  Father of the Year material right there. And yet… he can accompany the whore’s kid to school for show and tell.  Hmmmm…
    • He was not left alone with both of our kids until they were 10 and 12.  I had a wedding to attend.  Of course, he didn’t wish to go with me so he stayed behind and minded the kids for the long weekend.  First time ever!
    • In fact, when I went to my high school class reunion (also something he didn’t care to attend with me) my mother rode out with me (1500 miles) and then flew back home so that he wasn’t left in charge of them.  How pathetic is that?  Yes, I know.  I let him get away with this shit.
    • A year after the out of town wedding I went to Florida with my mom to help her spread my stepdad’s ashes.  That was the second time he was left alone with both kids.  And I did quite a bit of pre-planning for that.
    • Another “How Stupid Can I Be?” moment.  I always made sure he had food before we went on a trip or that he had dinner if I was leaving for the evening.  Hey, you can’t expect a grown man to actually get in his damn car and drive someplace to grab something!  And to expect him to cook?  Oh, the horrors!  There were times that I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off because on top of everything else I’m trying to do I have to run out and get food!  Or even better, if we were going somewhere as a couple and the kids needed food *I* would be the one grabbing it while he sat back at the house, lounging around and watching tv.  When I left to go to Florida for a week when my mom was spreading my stepdad’s ashes I made up several meals for him and the kids.  All he had to do was read the instructions and heat it up.  Any time he left to go on a business trip there was certainly no meal preparation for me!  God, I was an idiot.
    • That same week I arranged for my daughter to get to gymnastics instead of putting him in charge of that.  And I had to give him a detailed list of where each child was supposed to go and when.
    • Dropping off a child in the carpool lane caused major anxiety for him.  Or so he said. He actually snapped at Picasso because he desperately wanted his dad to take him to school and Shitbird was hyperventilating over it. I wonder if he was hyperventilating at the idea of being the whore’s kid’s show and tell for the day. Seems to me that would be more anxiety provoking simply dropping his own son off. Especially now that he has been officially diagnosed with PTSD.
    • Even once they were older he didn’t want to do any of the hard work.  I was in a bunko group.  We met once a month.  The day of the week happened to be on a day that my son was at hockey practice.  My daughter was already at gymnastics five days a week.  So, one day out of the month he would need to get our son to hockey practice (daughter would already be at gymnastics, thanks to ME) and then pick up both son and daughter.  I stupidly volunteered to quit my bunko group if that was too much for him.  Of course it was! You can fight a fucking war but you can’t figure out how to pick up two kids on the same night?  ONCE A MONTH!
    • Our daughter is a junior; our son is in eighth grade.  He has been to approximately four parent-teacher conferences. I wonder if he attends parent-teacher conferences with the whore for her kids. Probably.
    • I will give him kudos for making it to almost all of our son’s hockey games. He was even left alone with Picasso and had to get him to games while I was out of state with Rock Star; however, our daughter competed gymnastics from second grade through eighth grade, plus an additional year of Excel.  She then competed at the high school level.  He has been to probably six meets over the course of those 8 years.  That might be generous. He has never attended a single high school meet and has never seen her cheer either.  Not at games and not at competitions.
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