My Bitch List, Part 9

It’s a New Year’s Festivus. Or we could just consider it show and tell. Hey, like Harley’s youngest did on Veteran’s Day with CF! Instead of taking him to school with me and showing him off I’m showing and telling all of his bad behavior right here on this blog!

  • He was proud of the fact that he had no idea how much we spent on gymnastics. He told one person, “As far as I’m concerned it still costs $50 per month.” That’s lovely, sweetie. That’s why you tell everyone I frivolously spend your money. You have no fucking clue that we spend over $300 every month plus have a $2000 team fee which is spread out over 7 months. I bet you think hockey was only $100, too, huh? Yeah, try more like $400-$500 per season. Plus equipment. Which could easily approach another $400-$500.
  • I know he complained to people about the amount of money I spent. Here’s the funny part. He left all the bill paying up to me! He had no idea what our expenses were. He’s the one that decided to buy a new car a mere 4 months after I got a new car. We went from having no car payments to owing $800/month! I bought all the groceries. I did all the household shopping. As I mentioned above, he bragged about not knowing how much we spent on our daughter’s gymnastics. That $6000/year didn’t include travel to her out of state meets either! He never talked to me about this; he only complained to others. He never would sit with me and come up with a budget. Hell, the few times I tried to talk to him about financial stuff he blew me off. Furthermore, I wasn’t spending tons of money on myself. I spent it on the kids. Clothes, sports, books, etc. He can say what he wants but he can never say I ever put myself ahead of his kids. That is not something he will ever be able to say about the whore he’s fucking right now. She’s out for herself and her kids.
  • I remember years ago he jumped on my case because he thought I should know how much cat food cost at all the various stores so I would know which store sold it at the cheapest price and if a sale price at one store was any good compared to the other store’s regular price. Oh, that was my job. Get a damn list of everything we bought and know how much it all was at all the stores. Thank God that was one time I ignored his little rant.
  • Ironically, while he would complain he had nothing to show for his hard work he would later tell me he liked it when I got manicures and pedicures because he thought that it showed I cared about him. Conversely, when I didn’t get them he took that as a sign I didn’t care about him.
  • He also said he didn’t care how much money I spent so long as he was able to access the money when he needed to. He was always able to. He’s the one that got Lasik eye surgery. He even said to me one time that even though I spent more money (yes, because I paid the bills and did all the shopping!) he was the one that bought the more expensive items and those items were generally for him and him alone. And the one time we went to Sam’s Club together to look at large screen TVs since our old one was puttering out he had himself a nice little tantrum because I told him we didn’t have a checkbook with us. He thought I was saying we didn’t have enough money to buy the TV (apparently I was speaking in code because I couldn’t come right out and say we didn’t have enough money) and he began pouting and gave me the silent treatment. Eventually when I figured out what the hell was wrong with the big baby I told him, “No, we have the money; however, at Sam’s Club they don’t accept American Express or a debit card. You need cash or a check, or Discover, which we don’t have.”
  • He made his own mother cry when she came out to visit us once! I don’t even remember what it was about. I just remember she had come out for a 2 week visit and before the end of it she said, “I’ll never come out for this long again.”
    He was grievously offended if he sneezed and I didn’t say, “Bless you,” or “God bless you.” Like, irrationally so. He would actually get pissed.
  • Similarly, we were required to thank him for his service on Veteran’s Day. That was a new one because he didn’t always require thanks on that day. That started probably halfway through the marriage. Apparently now we are also supposed to recognize him on Memorial Day even though that is the day to recognize those who gave all, not to thank the living. Fortunately for me I don’t have to thank him for a damn thing anymore.
  • Long story short- once we had kids my life changed tremendously; his didn’t. Slightly longer story- I think he believed I was just supposed to add taking care of the kids onto my already long list of things to do. I was still supposed to take care of the house like before, when we didn’t have kids, because kids don’t mess things up at all. I was still in charge of all the shopping, all the laundry, all the cooking. Plus, I was still in charge of taking care of him. Meanwhile, he didn’t think his television shows should be interrupted. He shouldn’t have to forego his naps (he was an excellent napper with the kids). He didn’t need to give me a break or take over. To be fair, he did take our son TWICE so that I could get a full night’s sleep (our son didn’t sleep through the night until he was four years old). He shouldn’t be expected to take on any childcare chores or to do anything with his kids. He had a tremendous opportunity and he blew it. The funny part of all of this is his stupid bitch cousin tells her own husband all the time what a fantastic father my husband is. Yeah, right.
  • One year I bought him a TiVo for Christmas. That was the beginning of the end of our relationship, I believe. He loved that thing. The only problem was he began eating downstairs while watching said TiVo. The kids and I used to come downstairs to eat with him but then he would complain. “I’ve spent 20 minutes trying to watch the last 5 minutes of this show; can you please take them somewhere so I can finally watch this?” Yes, Father of the Year material right there.
  • He would not respect my boundaries. When I would tell him I didn’t like something he would tell me to suck it up. He always said it in a joking manner but he would continue to do the things I didn’t like. If I tell you to stop I mean stop, jackass!
  • Whenever the kids or I had some sort of an illness (headache, stomachache, fever, whatever) the first question out of his mouth was always: Have you taken anything for it? If you haven’t taken anything to help yourself get better I don’t want to hear about it! This is the same man who spent years complaining about his various “issues” and yet refusing to do anything to help himself. Two times I arranged for therapy for him and both times, just as the real meaty part of therapy was going to get underway, he quit. Good news, though- once you start fucking your cousin all your issues go away! Until you realize how much your divorce is going to cost you. Then they all come back- at least until you can con your way out of having to pay anything.
  • While pretty much every illness he ever had ended up with him being in the ER I never once went to the ER due to illness. In fact, when I was pregnant with Picasso I was so sick I spent the day lying in bed and puking so hard I would pee my pants. As I was leaning over the toilet to yak, 17 month old, always helpful Rock Star, would shut the toilet lid on my head. Meanwhile, my dear husband was at work. He couldn’t be bothered to stay at home and help take care of a rambunctious toddler while his wife puked and peed. To be clear I would never have expected him to do such a thing. I simply don’t need that kind of coddling. I find it telling though that whenever he was sick it was always an emergency. When I was sick it was no big deal.
  • Even as the kids got older I was still responsible for still doing for them even when I was sick. I am pretty sure I had pneumonia one time and I was still the one running Rock Star to gymnastics. There might have been a brief period of time, probably after his first affair, where he helped out a little bit more, but that was it. I do remember him going to pick her up from gymnastics one night when I was really sick without me even asking. One time. She had practice 5 days a week, 52 weeks out of the year.

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