Warning: This post is whiny and self absorbed and I’m going to complain endlessly.
My Facebook friend posted an article about choosing happiness and not letting negativity into our lives. She believes, as do I (no, seriously, don’t laugh) that happiness is a choice and you can either choose to see the good in everything or dwell in negativity. I wanted to comment but felt it probably wouldn’t come off very well so I’m going to comment here.
I try to be happy. I really do. I’ve just been moved almost 2000 miles from the place I’ve called home for almost 8 years. I try to stay positive. My kids seem to be adjusting and are making friends. The scenery is beautiful and the people are nice. Oh, and we can get a 2 year registration for our license plates for $89. I even remind myself that I’ve only been here for a month and it takes some time to get adjusted. But right now? Well, right now, I have no friends. I have no one to call up and go to lunch with. I have no Bunko group. I have no PTA. I’m completely alone. My days are spent playing Candy Crush and reading online forums even when I should be unpacking boxes.
The kids that I’ve watched grow up are no longer around. They’re 2000 miles away and I have to adjust to a whole new group of kids that I’ve met when they’re practically grown. I know I’m never going to have that close relationship with any of them like I had with my kids’ other friends because these kids are almost grown and I’m not going to have the time I had before. And they have many people in their lives that have been around forever.
I have a new car, and I’m thankful, but if my daughter decides to continue on with gymnastics (and that’s no longer a definite anymore) I have to drive an hour to take her to gym.
Speaking of gymnastics, my kid who had spent the last 11 years eating, breathing, and living gymnastics may give it up. I’ve watched her go from not even being able to do a cartwheel to doing a whip full. And now that may be over. Which wouldn’t be horrible, but I just bought the car I bought based on driving her an hour away to gymnastics 4 times a week. No more travel, even if she continues to compete. This could turn into a whole new life for her, if that’s what she wants. But I’m still sad to see it go. I’ve spent almost my entire life as a mom being a gymnast’s mom. I should probably be thankful I won’t have to drive the hour and won’t have to pay an asinine amount of money towards the sport. And that she’ll have plenty of free time. But I’m still a little bit sad.
I’m getting almost completely new furniture but I’m also living in a house that is not my dream house. Since living here I’ve come to appreciate some aspects of the house. My bedroom is a lot bigger than I thought. There is more hard wood flooring than I remembered. But the master bath is a joke. There is no room on the vanity! I think the Boy has more room in his bathroom than we have in ours. No counter space. No drawer space.
I have to share a closet with Zack and while it hasn’t been bad so far I have no fucking idea where I’m going to put my shoes. Or anything else, really.
We just spent $450 to replace the blower on the A/C unit and I’ve got a maintenance guy coming on Wednesday to repair the leaking dishwasher. And that’s after paying $500 for a home inspection which apparently discovered none of this. And in the confusion of showing the house, living 2000 miles apart, and closing Zack forgot to buy the home warranty. So we’re screwed.
Sales tax is 11.8%. Movies cost between $9 & $11.50. Looks like I won’t be going to the movies again in my lifetime. And it’s not like it’s an incredible theater! It’s pretty basic- two spots to buy tickets, one self serve kiosk, a small concessions stand (and no, they’re not cheaper) and 14 theaters. The lobby is not big either.
The mall here is a joke. Tiny, tiny, tiny. No Forever 21 for my daughter. No Panda Express. No Cafe Rio, Zuppas, or Kneaders either, but I knew that. And it’s not so much that I did a lot of mall shopping. There’s just nothing here.
Yes, I can drive 6 hours and go to New York City and see some pretty incredible things. I can drive 2 hours and go to Washington D.C. and also see some pretty incredible things. But here? There is no Nutcracker. No Broadway plays. No dinner theater. No water parks. No zoos. No amusement parks. Nothing except a fucking quilt museum. And Civil War battlegrounds.
The traffic is horrible, despite the town only being 50,000 people! Long lines all the time. I don’t know what our realtor was taking about when she said they didn’t have much traffic. They do, and it’s awful.
T-Mobile isn’t worth a shit out here so I’m paying $425 a month for E service. I can’t talk on the phone. I keep loosing the signal or my call breaks up. And the Internet service I’m paying for on top of that usually disconnects my Wi Fi and tells me I have a poor signal. And to cancel my contract I’m looking at around $4000.
Of course, now I’m closer to family so when I go home that one time per year it will only take me 10 hours and $45 in tolls, instead of 23 hours. If I want to avoid the tolls I’m looking at about 11 1/2 hours. And if they choose to make that trip out to see me they, too, will save anywhere from 12 1/2 to 13 hours. PER FUCKING YEAR!
I know my problems are small compared to others. I have a friend whose 4 year old son is battling cancer. It keeps coming back and more than likely he will lose his battle sometime this month. She has been so sweet, so gracious, so steadfast in her faith, and so thankful for all of the tender mercies, as she puts it. Having to adjust to a new life and start over at age 45 is nothing compared to watching your child die of a leukemia that has an 85% cure rate. I know that. But right now, this is my struggle and I’m not dealing with it well. I’m just not. So please pardon me while I bitch and complain. Maybe if I purge all of my bitterness and unhappiness I can soon look to the bright side.
Present Day Sam Says: Looking back at this I realize I was a happy person until we moved. My life pretty much ended the moment he took me out of Utah. I think it could have gotten better but I’ll never know. As soon as I was optimistic and ready to actually focus on that future he kept yammering on about he was cheating with Harley.