I don’t know why I continue to read blogs by betrayed spouses. I suppose I want to see the end of their stories, see them heal and get on with their lives. I really don’t know why I continue to read this “repentant” cheating husband’s blog. Depressing. Narcissistic. Blowhard. Self – righteous, sanctimonious, sonofabitch. He really is. Everything he writes is geared towards the cheating spouse, making it easier on them. He is absolutely convinced that most affairs begin because the betrayed spouse isn’t meeting the cheating spouse’s needs. They’re unhappy in their marriage so they reach out to someone new. I’m not sure how exactly that works. Poor baby is unhappy so he fucks a whore. He’s a victim and needs love and understanding, and what are you going to do to fix this for him? Meanwhile, I would be willing to bet his wife was no happier but she didn’t go fuck a whore. And somehow she’s the bad person? She’s the one that needs to figure out how to please her husband and make him not cheat?
Listen, asshole, I immediately took responsibility for my actions, or lack thereof which made the whore look appealing to my husband. I didn’t realize at the time how serious it was, or later, how I was being played and humiliated. But, I took responsibility. We didn’t spend enough time talking. There wasn’t enough sex. We were glorified roommates. I later learned he felt like he was only a paycheck and a handyman. I got all that and I owned it and vowed to make it better. But it didn’t happen in a vacuum. He pushed me away. I could never do enough. I remember telling a therapist once, he bitches about the house being a mess so I clean the house. Then he complains about the laundry so I catch up on the laundry. Then he complains about me not making dinner so I make dinner. Then he complains about the kids’ behavior so I work on that. Then he complains about the lack of sex. It’s never ending. I can never do everything he wants me to do. I can never be perfect.
He didn’t want to join us. He didn’t want to partner up with me to raise our kids. We weren’t a team. He didn’t want me in our bed. He just wanted sex. Feed me, clean my clothes, take care of me, and fuck me. And finally I had just had enough. I stopped giving a shit. That is true. He might have been unhappy but I was unhappy, too. The big difference between us? I didn’t run out and find some guy to stroke my ego and tell me how beautiful and sexy I was. I didn’t spend my days sexting with another man and making plans for our future. I wasn’t sending another man naked pictures, or telling family members how I loved him, or making plans to tattoo my love for him on my body. So yeah, I win. I may be responsible for the fact there was a void, but I am not responsible at all for how he chose to fill that void. Suck on that!
Present Day Sam Says: I’m over the whole “owning your part” for your partner’s affair. I’ve pretty much decided that if someone cheats they don’t get to hand a list of self improvement tasks off to anyone. If you discover your spouse cheating and they tell you what all you need to do to keep them from cheating on you again find yourself a pit bull attorney and file for divorce; you’re married to an entitled asshole. Tell that person you’ve got a few demands of your own and you’re planning on getting them legally enforced.