More On Anniversaries After Infidelity

 

September 2014

We’re going to talk about anniversaries again. Big topic in the blogging world because 2 of the ladies I follow are coming upon their 20th anniversaries. As am I. These two ladies are not very happy about this. They have reconciled with their husbands but pretty much consider their old marriages to be dead. What do they have to celebrate? That is the question they ask. One of them even commented that the old couple, the couple that married, didn’t make it. They’re a new couple now. So why celebrate? They both have said they can’t believe the man that stood beside them in that church 20 years ago could lie to them, cheat on them, and break their hearts. So I got to thinking: How do I feel about celebrating my 20th anniversary? It is a pretty big deal afterall. Twenty years with the same person.

I’ve already said I no longer announce it. I don’t think I ever will again. Not our first date. Not our anniversary. Radio silence. I mean, should I post something on August 14th each year? Hey, everybody, it’s our one year anniversary. Yes, one year ago today I read the message from my husband’s whore’s husband, letting me know my dear husband had been having a long distance emotional affair with his cousin! On this day in 2013 I got to hear my husband tell me that he and his whore really really liked each other! When I asked him what they talked about he asked me what did I think they talked about. I told him I thought they talked about sex and how much they loved one another and how they wanted to be together and he said I was correct! On this day he told me he didn’t want to lose his kids when asked if she was worth losing his wife and kids. His kids, folks. He didn’t give a shit about me but he loved his kids. I also was told that I had known he hadn’t been happy for years. As though that justifies cheating. We’re going out to dinner tonight to celebrate!

Or every October 23rd I could post an anniversary update. Hey, folks, on this day in 2013 I discovered my husband planned on marrying his whore. He even told people he was going to marry his whore. I also found out he was planning on bringing her with him while he got his tattoo. Of a Koi fish. Which supposedly symbolizes overcoming adversity. But can also symbolize getting out of an unhappy relationship. And considering he told his nephew he would tell him what it meant when he saw him because he didn’t want to put it in writing I think it’s safe to say it was symbolizing an end to his horrible relationship with me. Oh, and let’s not forget that while she was standing by her man, keeping him company, she, too, was going to get a tattoo. Hers was going to be a sparrow because that represents true love. Let me show off some fantastic anniversary gift that commemorates this day!

You want to celebrate an anniversary? Oh I’ve got plenty of them! May 11th, the day he “confessed”. Not really a confession because he lied and covered up and never told me exactly what “I’ve been texting other women” meant. I know now it meant he was texting one woman/whore and that two days before his confession he was bragging to his nephew about marrying her. But Coolio played it off like it was no big deal, other than the fact he shouldn’t have been doing it. June 4th, the day the whore blocked me and announced to me she was still fucking around with my husband, although I hid my head in the sand and did my best to come up with a rational explanation. June 13th, the day I confronted him finally and he lied through his teeth, the day he told me he didn’t know if he loved me anymore and tacitly threatened divorce if I didn’t let things die down and go back to the way they were. If I knew the exact dates of when the two of them first hooked up, when they first declared their love for one another, and he went crawling back to her after calling it off I’d celebrate those, too.

So why celebrate that day in December? That was the day everything seemed so promising; we were starting our lives together. But it was a lie. He wanted out. He told his sister I made him miserable; he felt like nothing more than a paycheck and a handyman. We were nothing more than roommates. And he had found happiness and love with someone else. He wanted to marry her and start a new life with her. Why would I want to celebrate a lie? Our wedding vows didn’t mean anything to him so why should our wedding day? Why celebrate? Hey, we made it 20 years! He was miserable for a huge part of that time and he cheated on me and planned on marrying his whore of a cousin but we made it! 20 years! Let’s celebrate! Is it still an accomplishment when you cheated? Do you celebrate coming out the other side and persevering when the going got tough, even if the tough part was the whore that was telling your husband how much she wanted to suck his dick and was busy sending him naked pictures?

K said the couple that married 20 years ago didn’t make it. She’s not the same person. Isn’t that true of any couple that stays together for 20 years? I mean, I wasn’t a lying, cheating whore back when I married my husband and I would have never cheated on him and that’s true today. But I’d like to think we’ve changed, grown.

Another blogger said she wouldn’t be celebrating her 25th in a huge way like she had always planned. It made her too sad to celebrate anything about who they used to be.

I remember when his sister got married for the second time. I thought it would be a great idea to have a huge party to celebrate our 10th. That didn’t happen. Nothing big was planned for our 15th. I thought maybe a cruise would have been nice. But nothing. He hadn’t cheated then. So why make a big production out of the 20th after he did cheat? Seems kinda pointless.

I suppose there would be those who say we’ve chosen to reconcile, to rebuild. If we’re honestly going to give this marriage a second chance then we shouldn’t hold back. We should celebrate. Celebrate your marriage, warts and all. Few people make it 20 years without some blemishes. This may be a big one, but we got through it together and we’re still standing.

I’m not sure I’m there yet. For years I would have loved to have made a big deal about our anniversary. He didn’t. Hell, we didn’t even go out if it fell on a weeknight. For years it consisted of going to dinner and Christmas shopping for the kids. Then there were many years where we were at the company Christmas party on our anniversary. Why start celebrating now after he’s cheated? Guilt? I could be generous and throw in putting more emphasis on the relationship. Nah, it will probably be flowers and a card. That’s the norm, even when he’s miserable with me. I’m sure he and Harley would have celebrated by going out of town on some fancy trip, with expensive gifts and an expensive dinner. He would have lavished her, his soul mate, with love and adoration and the best that money could buy. Now the question becomes why on earth would I want what he would have given her?

Fortunately I have almost another 3 months to dwell on this. And next month is the last of my round of anniversaries. This is the big one. The one where I saw him in black and white declare his intentions to marry her. The one where I saw him plot to meet up with her. The one where I saw her plan on branding herself as his. Fun, fun, fun. I’ll have to see what the money situation is like but I can see myself buying something very expensive. Maybe a necklace or a pair of diamond earrings. I may come to my senses by then but if not, whatever I buy will be very expensive.

This blogger sums it up in her comments much better than I did in my long rambling post.

…it’s not that I hate him. It’s not that I doubt he loves me. I’m just overwhelmingly sad, and angry, and depressed, and disappointed at the man he WAS. That he *did* not love me the way I assumed he did, *then.* That 11 years of us together was wasted in less-than love. That the closeness and intimacy we share now did.not.exist until he f*cked up. That it took HER and his a$$hole-ishness to make him realize how much I loved him… so that I could be loved as much as I deserved. Deserve.

Thank you for saying what I was trying to say.

And another blogger said quite simply:

I still love him but it’s hard to celebrate a promise that wasn’t kept.

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