Sometimes the Prize Is No Prize

September 2014

All this talk lately of girlfriends, anniversaries, taking responsibility for your part in your spouse’s affair, rebuilding, punishing has got me thinking. If I don’t want to celebrate our anniversary and I don’t want to be around his family and I resent having to text him like his whore, and I hate the fact that good changes have come about out of bad does that mean I’m still punishing him? I don’t think it does. I think it means my eyes are open. I used to believe he would never cheat. His friend actually told me he would never cheat. But he did. He was unhappy and he found someone else, someone he believed made him happy, someone he thought he loved, someone he wanted to marry. And now I’m left knowing my husband is capable of cheating on me if he’s unhappy. I get to live the rest of my life knowing that I have to be on constantly. If I don’t fuck him enough, don’t suck his dick often enough he’ll cheat. If I don’t spend enough time with him, text him enough, talk to him enough, he’ll cheat. Maybe next time it will be physical. Maybe she’ll live closer. I pray I don’t get in an accident and become disabled. I pray I don’t contract an illness which would require him to care for me. In either of those situations I would no longer be able to fuck him and he’d cheat. And he’d have his sister in his ear telling him that if it made him happy that’s all that matters. What a prize I have “won”!

Yeah, I know this makes me sound bitter and unforgiving but fuck you! I don’t give a shit.

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