Are the Screws Tightening?

When I first left court earlier this month I felt like it was an unmitigated disaster. One thing that did make me pause though was his lawyer’s insistence that her client wanted this divorce as soon as possible. Why?

If I were a betting woman I would have laid odds that he was going to wait for me to file and get the ball rolling. He’s lazy and expects me to take care of everything. The fact he’s pushing for the divorce means my interest has been piqued.

I begin to wonder why. Is she pregnant? Granted, she’s in her 40s but I wouldn’t put anything past that whore. It would ensure she has her hooks in him for the next 18 years and he will, at least legally, be a source of income for her. But I dismiss that idea because let’s face it: If she didn’t give a shit about fucking a married man, then she’s probably not going to get a case of the vapors at the thought of giving birth to a child out of wedlock.

He seemed very eager to get his hands on his 401k. His lawyer even clarified whether or not the order meant that he could now access the funds. The judge was very clear that no, those funds were to stay locked up tight. No touchy until the divorce settlement! This makes me wonder if they are feeling the financial screws. Hey, welcome to my world, CF and Harley!

On one hand she does make decent money and she had a stay at home husband for eleven years. It’s not like she’s never supported a man before. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that she likes that dynamic because it gives her the power in the relationship. Kinda like how CF felt like he was the boss of me because he made all the money.

On the other hand I know he liked making money. He liked being a big shot. And I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that it kills him to be at her mercy.

Plus, he was promising her this new and better life. Sure, she can make ends meet on what she makes. But Prince Charming was promising her double that.

I’ll buy your daughter a car. You can buy all the sporting equipment you want for your sons. I’ll pay your phone bill. We’ll go on great vacations. You can buy all the Vera Bradley crap you want. You can spend thousands on your kids- Ulta, Francesca, American Eagle, Hollister, Dick’s Sporting Goods. Of course your precious daughter should have a $300+ dress! Take them out to eat whenever you want. I’ll install DirecTV for you. I’ll pay for your divorce. I’ll pay for your utilities. The sky’s the limit! I’m going to make all of your dreams come true!

And then *CRASH*! It all came tumbling down. I look at it the same way I look at my situation when we were first getting married.

His mom and stepdad had lived on his mom’s salary for pretty much the entirety of their marriage. Pastor Fake would have occasional jobs but they never lasted long so Tammy Faye basically supported the family. Then he got a job where he excelled. He kept it up. All of a sudden they had this windfall. They went from living on one salary to living on two. His money was all “fun” money. They gave us around $13,000 in cash and gifts between May and December. She bought his car from him to give to her stepson. She paid off my engagement ring. They bought us bedroom furniture and a refrigerator. They bought us tons of gifts for Christmas and then turned around and gave us $400 each on top of that. She gave me $200 to help out with the wedding costs and then gave us another $300 the day of the wedding. It was amazing! I had never had anyone give me so much for no reason before. I was thinking, “Wow- this is incredible. I could definitely get used to this.” Of course, that, too, came crashing down. And we spent the entire marriage rescuing them.

I know how I felt when it happened to me and I didn’t even expect that kind of treatment. It was just a really nice perk. But Harley was expecting that lifestyle. She was expecting to have an extra five grand in her checking account each month. She was expecting to be able to do whatever the hell she wanted to do. It wasn’t a benevolent relative giving her this money (well, okay, it kinda was); it was her married lover/soul mate/fiance making these promises. It was a man who had made good money pretty much all of his life. She was getting to trade in the stay at home dad that she had to support for the guy making six figures who would help support her and her kids. Until that was no longer the case. Until their fun nights of drinking led to him losing his damn job!

So I’m left to wonder if he’s feeling the financial strain. If he wants to be able to be the big shot again and spend his money wildly. I wonder if she’s bitching at him, telling him that she can’t go on like this much longer, that he promised her he would give her a new and fantastic life, that he needs to help support “this family”. I wonder if she’s pressuring him to get his hands on his 401k so that he can pay for something expensive that she wants. Remember, she has been arrested for her piss poor financial management and Spring Break is coming up. Must be tough to go from being able to spend thousands each month on crap, never telling your kids no, to now having to live within your means once again. Yeah, I’m trying to feel for you, Harley, but the fact of the matter is so much worse has been done to me and my kids that I’m not feeling a shred of sympathy for you.

I’ve already talked about his settlement offer. So generous. He’s willing to pay spousal support. WHEN he gets a job. He’s willing to pay child support. WHEN he gets a job. And he’ll split the 401k AFTER we’ve paid off the marital debt with it. I’m pretty sure that was the extent of the offer. Wow!

That also leads me to wonder why he’s so dead set against filing bankruptcy. Is he hoping to be able to buy a house with the whore and he doesn’t think he can if he files bankruptcy? Are they hoping to invest in a business (oh, nice side perk would be being able to hide income from me!) and bankruptcy would prevent that? The man has nothing! He let our damn house go into foreclosure. He managed to get his American Express card closed down on him. I guess that’s what happens when you spend wildly on whores and their children and then don’t bother to pay the bill. I just can’t see any reason why he would be against bankruptcy when his back is up against the wall. Unless of course it’s to fuck with me. Let’s split this marital debt and after we do I’ll file bankruptcy and screw you over once again, Sam! Yep, that seems about right.

Maybe it’s as simple as him no longer having the money to pay his lawyer. They like to be paid upfront. They don’t work on contingency plans. Realistically, Harley may be able to pay his bills for him but his bills are very simple- his car insurance and his cell phone. She’s not willing to do without in order to pay his American Express card bill, or his spousal and child support. That bitch and her kids won’t do without, period!

Or, maybe he’s got a job offer on the horizon and he wants to get this settlement signed before he gets a job so his support will be lower. Then it will be up to me to drag his sorry ass back to court which will cost me money and time. In the meantime, he’s potentially earning good money once again and spending it all on the whore and her kids while paying a pittance in spousal and child support. That may be the winner. As long as he can cry poverty and PTSD he undoubtedly thinks his support will be much lower than if he actually gets a damn job and has actual earnings to report, especially if those earnings are decent.

Regardless, I look at it this way. May is going to get here eventually and our divorce will be finalized and a settlement will be reached. Period. That’s on my end only. On his end May will get here and he will have to go back into the courtroom and explain why not only has he not paid the back support he was ordered to pay me but also why he hasn’t made any attempt to pay his additional lowered support. He will also incur a $10,000 fine that will be directed my way. Hopefully, the judge will not be swayed by his sob story and will see it as yet another contempt of court that he hasn’t even attempted to pay me what he owes. My hope is that this will incite him to order CF to split the 401k, with me getting my half and him being required to pay me what is owed out of his half. If I’m really lucky he’ll put a deadline on the payment date with the consequence of failing to pay being immediate incarceration. May is a hell of a lot closer for him because he’s got deadlines. Me? I’ve got no deadlines. I’ve got all the time in the world.

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13 thoughts on “Are the Screws Tightening?

  1. Ugh. All things that would make me sit and wonder too. It’s funny to watch their behavior when they can’t bail themselves out of their crap with their charm anymore, huh? Are you in a fault or no fault divorce state? I wish I was in a fault state, but I’m not, so his antics wont really hold any weight for me or gain anything for me. Funny he is pining after his 401k. And thankfully your judge said no. Amen. All of your scenarios of why seem legit to me! My husband is withdrawing from his 401k currently to pay off a huge tax debt that he owes…that I’m attached to. Somehow, he “screwed up” and underreported income three years in a row. I was mad for a minute reading this because I was thinking, you know…that’s my money that’s going away into this debt and if I ever pull the trigger on our divorce, that’s money I’m out. But then I thought oh well, at least my debts are gone and I can walk away without that burden on my shoulders. This crap is so complicated. It keeps me frozen in my hell. I know you life is a huge challenge for you and things are difficult and I am SO sorry. But I am encouraged by your bravery to value yourself and walk away.

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    1. I was in a fault state but my understanding is that proving fault doesn’t do a whole lot. In my state proving adultery just means you’re off the hook for spousal support if the cheater would have received it. My lawyer also told me that even if I didn’t file for a fault divorce his behavior could still be brought up. I’ve heard of people in other states also being able to use their spouse’s infidelity to gain an advantage even in no fault states.

      Thank you for the compliments. It’s not so much that I’m brave or that I valued myself. I could clearly see the writing on the wall and did what needed to be done. Maybe that’s brave. I don’t know.

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      1. I see it as brave….because I see the wiring on the wall and think I know what I should do, I’m just frozen in “what if’s” and haven’t. Thanks for sharing what you have learned. It’s encouraging 😊

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  2. I also admire your transparency. I can still barely admit that I’ve been cheated on for 20 yrs. I finally just wrote about it on my blog last month. When I did, I was overwhelmed by the whole picture. I feel like such an idiot.

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    1. Thank you. I don’t know why but I’ve never felt like his cheating was my fault or a reflection of me.

      I kept quiet the first time around mainly because I thought we were reconciling. Even though I didn’t tell many people I never took it on as my own embarrassment.

      You’ll get there. You’re not an idiot. My guess would be you’re simply a person who loved her husband and wanted to keep her marriage and family together.

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  3. What does your attorney think will happen? I know they can’t really know since he judge makes the final decision but I didn’t know if they had an idea. Divorce is exhausting especially when they don’t do what they’ve promised.
    So sorry. You’re so brave!

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    1. She hasn’t said what she thinks will happen. I suppose it’s just as well because she told me they wouldn’t retroactively lower child and spousal support either but the judge did.

      My hope is that if he drags this out until the court date, thinking he will get a better deal from the judge than from me, he’ll walk in without having paid his back support or his current support either and the judge will be pissed and not go lightly on him. Aside from that I have no idea what will even be in play.

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  4. My attorney insisted on a forensic accountant who was like the terminator. She terrified me, and she was on my side. On the plus side it stopped any financial shenanigans he tried to pull with money shell games on the con side it was yet another legal expense that I didn’t need. Going 25k in the hole for legal shit is appalling for anyone- but our assets were decent and I smelled blood.

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    1. If there was more to fight over than the 401k, which I will get half of regardless, and if I weren’t already broke, I would consider hiring a forensic accountant. Unfortunately it just wouldn’t be worth it now. I’m glad it worked out for you, though!

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