If I Ruled the World

If I ruled the world… well… it probably wouldn’t be a very safe place. So let’s just put me in charge of the family court system.

If I had my way cheating would still count for something during a divorce.

If I had my way those who cheat would forfeit everything. They would forfeit their assets and take on all the debts. They would lose custody of their kids. The house and everything in it would go to the betrayed spouse. Hey, you cheaters want a fresh start with the love of your life, right? So leave everything behind and start that great new life with your soul mate. Start from scratch!

If I had my way cheating husbands would pay a generous amount of alimony for the rest of their lives. No point in making your wife and kids reduce their standard of living because you can’t keep your dick in your pants. And cheating wives? No alimony for you, honey. No, that whole forfeiture of assets I was talking about earlier? Yeah, that applies to you. You leave the house with nothing.

And the people who knowingly fuck a married man or woman? I think they should be legally required to help pay for their true love’s obligations, like child and spousal support. Under this new law where the cheaters get no assets, only debts, the cheater’s partner gets to take on those debts as well. It’s true love! Surely you don’t mind. What’s a little poverty when true love is on the line? Being together is gift enough.

Honestly, if I ruled the world I wouldn’t be opposed to the death penalty for cheating. Okay, maybe that’s a little too harsh. Perhaps just public shaming. I sense a renaissance for the stockades. But here’s a crazy idea.

Maybe, if cheating actually led to some fairly dire consequences you would see fewer of these poor people forced into having affairs because they are so unhappy at home with their terrible marriages to horrible women (or men). Maybe some of those pathetic sad sacks who justify fucking other women because of their wife’s shortcomings would finally get the balls to either repair their marriage or file for a fucking divorce. As it stands now cheating pays off. There are no consequences. They lose nothing- no custody, no assets. And when the divorce finally does come the cheater is all set with a brand new fuck buddy and a whole new life along with a slew of idiots telling him or her how fantastic it is that they found love. I guess if you roll around in the mud long enough you’re bound to find something.

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