I was driving back after dropping my daughter off at gymnastics practice, listening to my iPod. Lone Star’s “Amazed” was playing and it made me think back to my sister-in-law’s second wedding. Zack and I danced to that song, the last one of the night, with our daughter held between us. Of course I thought about us and how I’m glad he still feels that way about me. But it also made me sad thinking about how I was there; I was present for this moment in her life. Harley was nowhere around. I was there just like I was always there. I have pictures of us smiling together. Family pictures. Pictures of me and her. Pictures of me and my husband. Pictures of me, my daughter and her. Hell, there’s even video of us wishing them the best and dancing and laughing and having fun. And yet, my husband cheats on me and I’m nothing. The person they decide they can’t live without? It’s not me. I’m disposable. It was her. They just couldn’t imagine their lives without Harley in it. Doesn’t matter she was never around these last, oh, let’s say 18 years. Nope. When the choice is me, who’s been around for everything, loved them like my own family, or Harley, whom they haven’t seen in 18+ years but is actually family, they all chose Harley. So, I spent a moment thinking about how sad that was, and then I got on with my life. It is what it is and nothing will change that. The joke’s on them; they made a really bad trade.
Present Day Sam Says: Nothing new really. I’ve been completely replaced. Nothing I ever did matters. Only Cousinfucker and the whore matter now. I don’t think it really phases me anymore but it’s kind of sad to think that for 20 years I was supposedly “family” and the minute he tosses me aside for someone else I’m nothing.