I have a lot of time to think while I’m hauling pallets around and dragging boxes to aisles. Sometimes I think about the strangest things. For instance, the other morning I was thinking about oral sex and how that came to be a thing. I mean, it’s not like something I would ever think up. If you really think about it the entire act seems really bizarre. Who on earth decided that this would be a good thing? So I begin wondering how did it happen that first time?
Was some guy sitting around watching a dog lick himself and think, “Hey! That looks like that could feel pretty good. The dog’s been going at it for a while now. Maybe I’d like that.” So then he tries it. But nope, his head won’t reach. He bends. He stretches. He tries it from every angle but nothing works.
Now he’s got a dilemma. He thinks licking himself would feel pretty damn good but his head won’t reach, so what to do? What to do?
“Hey, Gertrude, you wanna try something?”
Poor unsuspecting Gertrude has no idea what he’s got in mind.
“I was just thinking about how good it might feel to lick myself like that there dog, but it turns out my head won’t reach. Do you think maybe you could try it?”
“What on earth, Buford? Why? Why would I want to put my mouth on that?”
“Well look at that there dog. He’s been going at it for a good 10 minutes. I reckon it must feel pretty good. Come on! Just try it!”
That takes care of Buford’s dilemma but then I have to wonder about Gertrude and how on earth she figured that something like that was worth doing. How did she get talked into it? Did he promise her a bag of sugar or some pretty floral fabric? Was he someone she had long liked and wanted for herself and she decided this would be a great way to finally snare him for herself?
How did Gertrude convince Buford that she deserved a turn?
“You know, Buford, if it feels good for you then it will probably feel good for me as well. Why don’t you give it a try?”
Now the question becomes was Buford a giver as well as a taker or did Gertrude have to turn to Merle?
Yes, these are the very weird things I think about while I’m at work.