I was perusing WordPress, trying to catch up on sites I follow when a title caught my eye. I only saw, “I Gave Myself to My Children Completely” and clicked on the link, thinking, “Wow- we might have something in common.” I thought perhaps I might learn something. I, however, didn’t catch the remaining part of the title which was, “… But I Never Thought They Would Hate Me.”
Anyway… I click on the link, head on over to the site and begin reading. I’m feeling all sympathetic because the story she’s telling is one of divorce and her son turning against her. I’m thinking I know where this is heading: Husband cheats, leaves wife, and turns son against her. Poor woman! I’m pretty sure it was the line: I was a good wife right until the very end that made me think this was a story of her being her husband’s victim.
But no! In fact, she was having an affair. She wanted a divorce. The day came for her to sign the papers and she changes her mind. Oh no! I can’t leave my family. I’m not ready to do that! Only guess what? By this time, her husband who had been willing to reconcile with his lying, cheating wife had had enough and he said, “No thank you,” to her reconciliation plan.
This is where it gets so so fun! “Sylvie” gives us such gems as:
My ex wanted to work on our marriage. At the time, I didn’t. I’d been seeing Brad for a couple of months and things were going well. When everything blew up, I felt- weirdly- special. I was getting a lot of attention. I felt wanted, worth fighting for. But I didn’t have the strength to fight anymore. I wanted out of the marriage. I was excited by how new and good things were with Brad.
Oh, you were “seeing” Brad for a couple of months? Hmmm…. I’m not sure about where you live, dear Sylvie, but where I live “seeing” someone else when you are, you know, married, is called having an affair. You can stick a bouquet of flowers up your ass but it’s still not a vase.
And yes, Sylvie, things with a new lover generally are exciting and new. You don’t know about any of his bad habits. You haven’t yet begun to be irritated by all those little traits of his that once were endearing. Oh, and because you don’t actually live with him or do anything for him aside from fuck him, you get all the fun times and none of the responsibilities. Affairs are the epitome of thrilling, titillating and scandalous.
But let’s concentrate on lines 4, 5, and 6: When everything blew up, I felt- weirdly- special. I was getting a lot of attention. I felt wanted, worth fighting for.
Oh, you delightful little sociopath, you! You felt special having an affair? You’re not special because you’re fucking some strange guy named Brad in the backseat of your minivan. You’re not special because you’re lying to your husband, ripping your kids lives apart, and rutting around like a pig in mud.
You were getting a lot of attention and you felt wanted and worth fighting for? How very nice for you. You sure do like making your husband jump through hoops for you, don’t you? All that dancing. All that begging and pleading and praying you’ll pick him. That must have been so wonderful. So intoxicating, Sylvie. All so that you can say, “No, I don’t want you anymore. I want Brad. He’s shiny and new. You’re old and boring and I have to do your laundry.”
I know I made a mistake, a really big one. I shouldn’t have had an affair. I should have ended our marriage decently, with a civil conversation or a nice handshake. But that wasn’t my reality. I’m not perfect. And while I may not have always been a great wife, I was always a great mom.
Po-ta-to, po-tah-to. It was just a mistake. She’ll cop to the fact that it was a really big one, but hey, let’s not get carried away! It’s not like she’s pretending to be perfect.
Oh Sylvie, once again you try to lure us into this false dichotomy. You are either perfect or you’re a lying, cheating whore. No, no, Sylvie, there are other options. You can be imperfect and still not cheat! For example, I have a lot of road rage and I have a potty mouth. I still don’t cheat. I forgot to write a note for my son’s absences for, like, three weeks. I wasn’t able to go my daughter’s first track meet. That is not perfect. Yet, it’s still not riding some other guy’s dick.
We can even go back to the original line that threw me in the beginning:
I was a good wife right until the very end.
Sylvie, do you understand what being a good wife even is? I’m not sure I can quantify it but I sure as hell know you can’t cheat on your husband and then claim to be a good wife right until the very end.
That’s like someone saying, “Yes, I killed those girls, but I was a good person right up until the very end.” Um…. no. Just no.
Or a drunk driver who has slammed into another car saying, “Hey, I was in control of my vehicle right until the very end.” Again, I’m going to have to go with no.
Good wives and husbands do not cheat. Period.
This one is my favorite:
I thought that Alex would get better- that maybe, with time, he would come to see that people in happy marriages don’t cheat on each other. He would understand that my actions stemmed from a very deep unhappiness- and that I could not keep punishing myself for wanting to be happy again.
I’m sure you were hoping that good ol’ Alex would just get over his mom being a lying, scheming, cheating, selfish bitch. Just get over it, son! Can’t you see Mommy is happy? Don’t you know that Mommy being happy is the most important thing in the world? Aren’t you happy now that I’m happily screwing some guy who isn’t your dad? I realize I’ve torn your life apart but I’m happy now! Geez, Alex, can’t you just get over it and think of someone besides yourself for once in your life? I can’t imagine why Alex isn’t getting over it and isn’t thrilled that his mom has found love and happiness with her affair partner. After all, it is all about the cheaters and their happiness.
I’m going to have to call bullshit on this though, Sylvie: … maybe, with time, he would come to see that people in happy marriages don’t cheat on each other.
Yes they do, Sylvie. All the time. People cheat for the thrill of it. They cheat because they can. They cheat because they have no empathy and no idea how to interact socially with others. They cheat because they believe they are entitled to cheat. They cheat because they have crappy character. They cheat because they are selfish.
As for your unhappiness argument, grow the fuck up, Sylvie! If you were unhappy you had many choices. It wasn’t a matter of being unhappy or having an affair. Stop with your damn false dichotomies.
And am I the only person who doesn’t think Sylvie would ever be willing to punish herself? That sad little drivel about not continuing to punish herself for wanting to be happy is absolute rubbish. Sylvie comes across as a total narcissistic sociopath who only thinks of herself and her happiness.
She reminds me of Jezebel whining to her mom: Will I ever be happy? She’s asking this as she’s fucking her pastor, a man married twenty plus years and twenty years her senior. She asks this as she and her pastor are pulling the wool over the congregation’s eyes, leading them to believe that nothing is going on between them and that it’s all nasty rumors even while they share a joint checking account and make plans to run off to another state. Hmmm… that sounds familiar. Like brother, like sister.
These people are disordered fuckwits. They take and take and take, and then when they’re caught they whine about their unhappiness and bravely declare that they will no longer punish themselves for wishing to be happy. No matter who pays the price for their happiness!
This was brilliant:
I didn’t take a thing from that house. I left behind my career to take care of Anna and Alex. I gave myself to them completely. And even after things ended between their father and me, I thought only about them. I let my ex keep the house, and the kids stayed with him so that the disruption to their routine was minimal. They were surrounded by their things, their dog, and their friends. Maybe it was a mistake, losing myself in them. But I just never thought that my own child would hate me.
First of all, as a very astute reader over on Chump Lady observed once upon a time: Good parents don’t napalm their children’s lives. Second of all, if you decide to leave behind your career to take care of your kids you might not want to fuck around on your husband seeing as how he supports you. Now that those two points are out of the way we can move on.
She makes it sound like she was being so selfless and so brave. She just walked away with nothing. She surrendered her children so as to not disrupt them. What a brave, loving mom.
No, if you read a little further I think it’s safe to come to the conclusion that Sylvie simply walked away from her old life. She shed it all like a snake sheds its skin and started over completely with no remnants from her old life. Oh, also familiar! Hey, Cousinfucker, is that you, telling your story under an assumed name and as the opposite sex? Clever!
Kids and pets take time out of your day, time that could be spent fucking Brad. They represent real life and responsibilities and Sylvie doesn’t seem to do much of that. She needed a change. She didn’t have time to be a mom. She had a new life with Brad! Kids were a buzzkill. And if she couldn’t be bothered with her kids then she sure as hell wasn’t going to be bothered by a damn dog! Her kids and pets and all the responsibilities that come along with them being with you full-time were holding her back and taking valuable time away from her fantasy life with Brad. How can you pretend they don’t exist if they’re right there in front of you, reminding you of what you’ve done and all that you’ve taken away from them? Hey- she will not punish herself for wanting to be happy anymore, people! Stop trying to make her unhappy.
It’s been five years since the divorce and so much has changed in my life. I’ve gone back to school. I’ve started my own successful business. And I just got married- to Brad. My ex recently got engaged, too.
Oh, I see. You getting married to the douche that you tossed aside your family for is equal to your cheated on husband finally finding someone worthy of him. Yes, you marrying your fuck buddy is absolutely the same thing as your husband getting engaged five years after your betrayal. And hey, that just makes it all better, right? It was for the best. Now your ex-husband has finally found happiness, too. Gee, that sure is a pretty package all wrapped up with a shiny bow. Happy endings for everyone!
My son is in college now, and my daughter is in high school. Parts of us have moved on, but parts of us still live with the sadness accumulated during those years.
I have a feeling Sylvie doesn’t live with any sadness. She got exactly what she wanted.
I try to see Anna as much as possible. She’s become a beautiful young lady.
Yes, she sees her daughter as much as possible, which isn’t much because she’s so busy running her new successful business and fucking her new husband, Brad. Don’t try to guilt her, Anna! Your mom will no longer apologize for wanting to be happy. If she needs to step on your neck to reach that elusive happiness then you stick it out there for her with no complaints. Maybe one day you can grow up to be as selfish as her.
I sent Alex a text a little while ago. It said: I love you, I will continue to love you, no matter what you say or how you feel.
His response: I’m sure you will; I’m familiar with that sentiment. Now for the final time you need to Leave. Me. Alone. That is the best thing you can do for me.
Unfortunately for you, Sylvie, I think your son has got your number and knows exactly who you are. He’s a smart boy. I’m pretty sure he knows to steer clear of any women who remind him of his mom.