This one should be fun. Jezebel and her “oversteps”. I often wonder if I’m transferring my rage and anger at my husband onto his sister. When you peel away everything that happened with Harley I suppose a wise woman would say that her husband is fully responsible and she blames no one except him. Oh, if only I were wise. You could also say that despite any fault she has in this I should ultimately be glad I no longer have to deal with her and that she’s out of my life. I don’t have to listen to her lies anymore. I don’t have to worry about her stabbing me in the back again. Because I’m done with her. And maybe in 2015 I can truly put any thoughts of her out of my mind. Unfortunately this is still 2014 so I’m going to write this down.
I’m not just pissed because she encouraged my husband to leave me for another woman. Oh no, this started even earlier. I like to say that her unbridled support for her brother’s infidelity and his whore was just the cherry on top of the shit sundae they both served me.
It started in 2012, probably even 2011, when she started her affair with her now 3rd husband and asked my husband to keep it a secret from me. I could be generous and believe she just didn’t want a lot of people to know, but I think he was telling her even then that he was unhappy and our marriage was dead. What does she do? She says, “Oh, you’re having problems? Then in that case you won’t mind keeping secrets from her, will you?” She goes to put even more distance between us. Keep my secrets. Don’t worry about your wife. Your first allegiance is to me, your sister, not your wife. Besides, your wife is on her way out anyway.
Fast forward to Easter of 2012. He tells me she wants to go out to dinner with him. Not me. Just him. She tells her mom it’s because they never get to spend any one on one time. I was understanding. Hell, I was remarkable in letting him go. Such a good wife. Such an accommodating sister-in-law. What’s wrong with siblings going out to dinner together, ditching their spouses? So I stay home with the kids and my mother-in-law, eating bologna sandwiches while they go out to eat a steak and spend some quality sibling time together, just the two of them.
The next day we go out for Easter and she tells me she’s getting a divorce. They’ve grown apart. He doesn’t understand why she’s grieved over the death of husband #1, the husband she left for husband #2. She wants all these different things (which amazingly her letter to the outgoing husband pretty much detailed the life she’s living now) and he’s jealous and thinks she’s cheating on him, and she believes now she married him because she had daddy issues. She’s looking forward to being on her own and she doesn’t think she’ll ever get married again.
About two weeks later my mother-in-law calls me and tells me she met Jezebel’s new friend. I ask what new friend. I mention it to my husband and that’s when he finally tells me he knows about him. In fact, he went to dinner with them while we were there. Yep, that’s right. The wife of 17 1/2 years is ditched at home while brother, sister, and sister’s new boyfriend (who she is somehow dating and yet not cheating on her husband with) all go out and have a grand ol’ time. Isn’t that special? And probably around that same time he mentions that she’s “been with” this guy for about a year before she asked for a divorce. Hence, the 2011 date.
Just a little sidebar: Zack and I weren’t supportive when she left her first husband for her second. In fact, we were pissed. But it wasn’t because of the affair. It was because of all the lies she (they) told. I HATE being lied to, and I wrote her a very long letter telling her exactly that. I told her I didn’t care what she did but I found all of the lies they were telling everyone disgusting and unfair. Face the music. Take your lumps. Don’t lie to everyone and try to get away with it, trying to convince everyone “it just happened” so he can keep his lavish lifestyle and you can step into his wife’s shoes and take over her life. I see she learned so much because once again she’s lying. And once again I don’t really give a shit that she’s once again cheating on her husband, but I have a huge problem with being lied to, especially when you go out of your way to tell that lie. You make me look like an idiot. And you make assumptions that I can’t be trusted, or that maybe I’ll be judgmental. Now back to the issues at hand.
What do we have so far? Secrets kept from me on behalf of his cheating sister. Going out to dinner with the cheaters while I’m left at home under a cloud of lies. Being fed a ton of shit about her divorce. Yep, I think that about sums it up. Then my husband loses his damn mind and honestly thinks that some whore he hasn’t seen in over 20 years is his soul mate. And what does his sister do? She encourages him to leave me. That’s what she does every time she gets unhappy. Come on, divorce isn’t that big of a deal. It’ll be fun. I’m looking forward to gaining a new sister.
Oh, I’m sure she’d say she was just being supportive of her brother, and that she never actually told him to leave. Hell, she almost convinced me she had encouraged him to try to save our marriage. Almost. I thankfully remembered how I had said those same words to Zack and he never said she said anything supportive of our marriage. And he was desperate to maintain a relationship with her at that time. No, I think the most she would ever cop to is being supportive of her brother, telling him he deserved to be happy and should do whatever it takes, and letting him know she would support him with whatever he decided to do.
But here’s the thing. He had been telling her for probably over a year that he was unhappy with me. He told her Harley made him happy. She asked him if he loved her and he said yes, he thought so. So when she’s telling him to do what makes him happy she’s basically telling him to be with Harley. Afterall, he deserves it. Do what makes you happy. Harley makes you happy. Leave your wife who doesn’t make you happy and be with the one who does. It works the same way with her telling him she’ll support whatever decision he makes. Why would you even need to be supported in staying with your spouse? She’s telling him that if he leaves me for another woman she’ll be there for him. And because in Jezebel’s world you never have random affairs it makes sense that she figures he’s going to leave, get a divorce, and marry his whore. That’s how she does it. She decides she’s no longer happy with the current husband and starts up an affair with the future husband. Then she divorces the current husband and marries her cheating partner. And that’s the route she figured my husband would take. Unhappy with me. Have an affair with Harley. Divorce me. Marry Harley. And sweet Jezebel would be there for him through it all. But don’t piss on my leg and try to tell me it’s raining. She was never a friend to my marriage; she wasn’t there to support Zack in fighting for our marriage or to encourage him to make it work with me. She was a supporter of Zack and Harley. She was a supporter of their affair. She was there to tell him he didn’t need to feel guilty about leaving his wife for another woman.
Finally, after trying to divide us with secrets, ditching me while the happy triad had a great time, feeding me lies so I look like an idiot, and supporting my husband, his whore, and their affair, she criticizes the way I spend money. Says I spend frivolously. Now granted I’m sure Zack complained about making over $170k and having nothing to show for it. But it was none of her damn business. I’m his wife. Everything he earns is mine. It’s not like he was at war, fighting for our country, while unbeknownst to him I illegally used his bank account as my personal ATM. No, that would have been her. It’s also not as though I continuously told my kids we didn’t have money for them to do things, money to buy them clothes, or money to provide them with Christmas presents while I was lavished with gifts and Lasik surgery, and trips. No, again that would be her. In fact, I was quite generous with his parents. I was even occasionally generous with her. Most of his money went to pay household bills, buy food, clothe our children, buy Christmas gifts and birthday gifts, and pay for gymnastics and hockey. I wasn’t off buying a new wardrobe every month. I wasn’t going to the spa, or getting my nails done, or getting pedicures all the time. I bought some new clothes when it was apparent I was too fat to fit into my old ones. I got my hair done every 6 weeks at around $100 a pop. I would occasionally get a pedicure. Or have nails for a few months. I wasn’t out wasting “his” money. I used our money to support our kids. Again- not her business. Maybe she needs to learn the phrase: I don’t want to be in the middle of this.
Honestly, at this point she’s done so much to hurt me outside of supporting his affair, that I’m not sure I could have forgiven her anyway. Like I said, that was just the cherry on top of the shit sundae.