Nothing to see here, people. Move along!
Last time I updated everyone I had just received some of my back support and had been presented with CF’s most ungenerous settlement offer. I sent back one of my own. After a week my lawyer finally got back to me.
Ah, such great news. It turns out that regardless of how much money CF may end up making he won’t ever be ordered to pay me more than I need. Stick with me here, everybody. Essentially, what she’s telling me is that because he forced us out of our home, forced me to live on no income for months and then forced me to work 2 jobs, and because he thereby forced us to reduce our living expenses by over $200,000 per year, he now gets a break on paying spousal support! Isn’t that wonderful? AND in addition to that the judge will also take into consideration CF’s expenses. Of course, CF is maintaining that he has expensive rent and utilities to pay so that must be taken into consideration.
As I asked my lawyer, “How is it possible that only a few months ago he was totally supported by his ‘girlfriend’ and now he’s completely responsible for the rent and utilities in HER house?” He also seems to forget that that is not HIS rent or utilities. That house was rented by her and her now ex-husband before she ever started fucking my husband.
It’s always something. And it’s never good.
My attorney also told me I need to retain the expert witness, STILL, in order for us to continue on to trial. $3500 out of my bank account. For why? I’m not sure. Even she admitted it was stupid to have to try to refute his expert witness when he was once again working in the same industry at the same job.
Oh, and she also let me know that it would probably cost me another $10,000 for the trial. Fantastic!
Needless to say I have not yet submitted my resignation at Target. My job at the bank simply will not be sufficient to pay the bills, buy food, buy household items and have anything left over. I’ve paid off 3 out of 4 of my credit cards and my phone contract is up this month so I can lower that bill as well. I’ve also paid my mom back in full. What this means is I would have plenty of money to quit my job if not for having to pay upwards of $10,000 on this damn trial.
CF sent another check, labeled February support, but he has not sent this month’s support check. I don’t know if he will. I don’t know if he’ll send anything next month either. He basically operates on his own set of rules.
So… I haven’t rushed to put my notice in even though I’d love to call it quits before the end of this month. I’m just really worried about the money situation. Plus, I have no idea what our final settlement is going to look like. What he’s willing to pay right now for spousal support barely covers what I make at my second job. Have I mentioned I’m fucking poor even while working two jobs? Yeah, I’m poor. Why on earth he would think that being poor while only working one job would be so much better than being poor working two jobs is beyond me, but that’s the genius’s thinking.
My lawyer was also suggesting that she tell him he could forget any claims to personal property on his behalf like I was willing to forget all the money he had spent on the whore.
Um, first of all, the shit eating chimp was going to drop that anyway if I agreed to the settlement. Secondly, what? A huge part of the reason that I switched lawyers to begin with was because my first attorney was suggesting that we would call it even with everything he spent on the whore versus what I had taken to pay off the pool, and then later used to live on when CF began his financial rape of me. When I appeared in her office the first time, she was adamant that me spending marital income on the household and the kids was not the same as him spending marital income on his whore and her kids. She even told me that I should be credited for the $5000 that I paid towards the pool out of that money. She also asked me why my previous attorney didn’t ask for arrears and told me we could ask for it in the final settlement. Now it’s: Hey, I know he cashed in almost $6200 in stocks and spent it all on the whore and her kids. I know he sent her almost $2000 out of your joint checking account and spent additional funds on her, also out of your bank account. I know he lived in the house rent free for 6 months, paying you “support” and expecting you to take care of all of the bills while he spent almost $5000/month on his whore and her kids. I know you paid his car insurance until June. I know his final car payment came out of his “support” amount to you. I know he bought her and her kid cell phones and let you get online and pay their bill, which altogether totaled almost $1000. But really that’s exactly the same as you taking the $27,000 which was supposed to pay off the pool and using it to feed your children because he couldn’t be bothered to give you enough money to live on. It’s also exactly the same as you selling off any of the furniture and using that to finance your 600 mile move he forced on you and to support your kids while he wasn’t paying a dime in support.
At this moment all she seems to worry about asking for is half of the tax refund. Oh wow- he might have to pay me less than $500! She is also planning on asking for legal fees, which are already up to approximately $10,000.
TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, PEOPLE! For what? I’m about ready to represent myself! For $10,000 I have a back support check for almost half of what was originally ordered. That’s it. And for another $10,000 I might possibly get almost double the amount of child support he was offering… for a year! Then I’m down to right around what he was offering to pay for the both of them.
As for our divorce date that has now been pushed back to the end of September. If we go to trial it will mean that I end up living this never ending nightmare for more than two years from start to finish. Some days I feel like I’m about one smart ass comment away from starring in an episode of Snapped.
I’m not very happy with my now former state and it’s lovely one year waiting period. I realize it’s a long shot but perhaps we could have come to a settlement immediately after I found out. Maybe he would have felt a tiny smidgeon of guilt and I would have ended up with what I wanted. Doubtful. He went into shock the moment I got a dime more than he thought I was going to receive. Maybe I would have fared better if he was itching to get married. Although when I think about it why would that even be an incentive?
He’s living with her now. They have a joint bank account. They live like husband and wife. Nobody looks at them like the evil, incestuous asswipes that they are. Nobody tells them they are wrong and what they are doing is disgusting. Everyone tells them how happy they are for them. So why rush it? It’s not like his current marriage is preventing them from going forward with their lives.
My lawyer is putting together my counter offer sometime this week. I’m a little worried about this because there were some issues I raised in my response to her and I’m expecting her to send me a copy to approve before she sends it out to his attorney. I reminded her that I wanted life insurance in there and proof of income each year. I’m also not willing to simply forget about all the damn money he spent on Harley the Whore and his new fake family. At the very least remind the sonofabitch about all of that! It will probably be another 2-3 weeks before I hear anything. Hell, his lawyer could go into labor and that would move everything back until at least August.
I so want this to be over but I don’t want to roll over and let him get away with paying practically nothing. I want to fight and yet I don’t really feel like I’m going to gain much of anything. I think my judge tends to sympathize with the men because he’s been on the paying end of alimony and child support. I’m hoping that he will impute his wages at what they were before he quit his 15 year job and that he will award me what I’m asking for but I’m not optimistic. I do know his child support will be higher than what CF offered to pay. My lawyer did point out that he was offering to pay for both of them until they both graduated, but it is for almost less than half of what he would be ordered to pay. Plus, if he continues to not pay his court ordered support maybe the judge will be pissed off enough to throw the book at him. He was 8 months behind when we went to court the first time. If he doesn’t pay anything else until our next court date he will be behind 7 months.
That’s about all that’s going on with me. Still living through divorce hell. Still working two jobs. Still getting up at 3:30 am most mornings and working 6 days a week most weeks. Still feeling like crap most of the time. Still not enjoying life or gaining a new life, although I have moments where I have tiny little bursts of optimistic thinking. I think I’m going into menopause, so that’s something new. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I’ve given up my plea for a massive heart attack or aneurysm; I’ve decided if I go early I would prefer a terminal illness so I have time to do whatever the hell I want without having to worry about consequences so that’s kinda positive, right? I mean, I’m taking a lingering terminal illness with definite future plans over a sudden death. Baby steps!