Oh Facebook, You Scamp!

December 2014

Am I the only sane one who finds something offensive and disturbing about this? My mother-in-law posts this, obviously about my husband, and his whore likes it and adds her own comments. Does she not understand she shouldn’t be liking anything that has to do with my husband? Does my supposedly loving mother-in-law not see anything inappropriate about her son’s whore liking something having to do with her son? I guess not. I continue to shake my head in amazement.


Okay, in full disclosure this was not what was posted on Tammy Faye’s wall. But again, I haven’t yet learned how to do those cool black out bars so I just have to improvise.

In this same month I also got to see: Happy Anniversary. Love you guys! on their anniversary and Happy Birthday, Pastor Fake! I hope you have a wonderful day. I love you lots!

Present Day Sam Says: I wonder if she even bothers to comment on their pages now since she doesn’t have to convince them she loves them so much and she’s the better partner for him.

Probably. She and Jezebel both live their lives through Facebook. I don’t know what they would do if Facebook suddenly went offline. How would everyone know how perfect their lives are? How would everyone know how much they love everyone? How would they know about all their wonderful deeds. Whoops! Strike that one. They don’t really post about the things they’ve done for others. Only how much everyone does for them and how happy they are and how perfect their lives are.

My Latest Update

Nothing to see here, people. Move along!

Last time I updated everyone I had just received some of my back support and had been presented with CF’s most ungenerous settlement offer. I sent back one of my own. After a week my lawyer finally got back to me.

Ah, such great news. It turns out that regardless of how much money CF may end up making he won’t ever be ordered to pay me more than I need. Stick with me here, everybody. Essentially, what she’s telling me is that because he forced us out of our home, forced me to live on no income for months and then forced me to work 2 jobs, and because he thereby forced us to reduce our living expenses by over $200,000 per year, he now gets a break on paying spousal support! Isn’t that wonderful? AND in addition to that the judge will also take into consideration CF’s expenses. Of course, CF is maintaining that he has expensive rent and utilities to pay so that must be taken into consideration.

As I asked my lawyer, “How is it possible that only a few months ago he was totally supported by his ‘girlfriend’ and now he’s completely responsible for the rent and utilities in HER house?” He also seems to forget that that is not HIS rent or utilities. That house was rented by her and her now ex-husband before she ever started fucking my husband.

It’s always something. And it’s never good.

My attorney also told me I need to retain the expert witness, STILL, in order for us to continue on to trial. $3500 out of my bank account. For why? I’m not sure. Even she admitted it was stupid to have to try to refute his expert witness when he was once again working in the same industry at the same job.

Oh, and she also let me know that it would probably cost me another $10,000 for the trial. Fantastic!

Needless to say I have not yet submitted my resignation at Target. My job at the bank simply will not be sufficient to pay the bills, buy food, buy household items and have anything left over. I’ve paid off 3 out of 4 of my credit cards and my phone contract is up this month so I can lower that bill as well. I’ve also paid my mom back in full. What this means is I would have plenty of money to quit my job if not for having to pay upwards of $10,000 on this damn trial.

CF sent another check, labeled February support, but he has not sent this month’s support check. I don’t know if he will. I don’t know if he’ll send anything next month either. He basically operates on his own set of rules.

So… I haven’t rushed to put my notice in even though I’d love to call it quits before the end of this month. I’m just really worried about the money situation. Plus, I have no idea what our final settlement is going to look like. What he’s willing to pay right now for spousal support barely covers what I make at my second job. Have I mentioned I’m fucking poor even while working two jobs? Yeah, I’m poor. Why on earth he would think that being poor while only working one job would be so much better than being poor working two jobs is beyond me, but that’s the genius’s thinking.

My lawyer was also suggesting that she tell him he could forget any claims to personal property on his behalf like I was willing to forget all the money he had spent on the whore.

Um, first of all, the shit eating chimp was going to drop that anyway if I agreed to the settlement. Secondly, what? A huge part of the reason that I switched lawyers to begin with was because my first attorney was suggesting that we would call it even with everything he spent on the whore versus what I had taken to pay off the pool, and then later used to live on when CF began his financial rape of me. When I appeared in her office the first time, she was adamant that me spending marital income on the household and the kids was not the same as him spending marital income on his whore and her kids. She even told me that I should be credited for the $5000 that I paid towards the pool out of that money. She also asked me why my previous attorney didn’t ask for arrears and told me we could ask for it in the final settlement. Now it’s: Hey, I know he cashed in almost $6200 in stocks and spent it all on the whore and her kids. I know he sent her almost $2000 out of your joint checking account and spent additional funds on her, also out of your bank account. I know he lived in the house rent free for 6 months, paying you “support” and expecting you to take care of all of the bills while he spent almost $5000/month on his whore and her kids. I know you paid his car insurance until June. I know his final car payment came out of his “support” amount to you. I know he bought her and her kid cell phones and let you get online and pay their bill, which altogether totaled almost $1000. But really that’s exactly the same as you taking the $27,000 which was supposed to pay off the pool and using it to feed your children because he couldn’t be bothered to give you enough money to live on. It’s also exactly the same as you selling off any of the furniture and using that to finance your 600 mile move he forced on you and to support your kids while he wasn’t paying a dime in support.

At this moment all she seems to worry about asking for is half of the tax refund. Oh wow- he might have to pay me less than $500! She is also planning on asking for legal fees, which are already up to approximately $10,000.

TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, PEOPLE! For what? I’m about ready to represent myself! For $10,000 I have a back support check for almost half of what was originally ordered. That’s it. And for another $10,000 I might possibly get almost double the amount of child support he was offering… for a year! Then I’m down to right around what he was offering to pay for the both of them.

As for our divorce date that has now been pushed back to the end of September. If we go to trial it will mean that I end up living this never ending nightmare for more than two years from start to finish. Some days I feel like I’m about one smart ass comment away from starring in an episode of Snapped.

I’m not very happy with my now former state and it’s lovely one year waiting period. I realize it’s a long shot but perhaps we could have come to a settlement immediately after I found out. Maybe he would have felt a tiny smidgeon of guilt and I would have ended up with what I wanted. Doubtful. He went into shock the moment I got a dime more than he thought I was going to receive. Maybe I would have fared better if he was itching to get married. Although when I think about it why would that even be an incentive?

He’s living with her now. They have a joint bank account. They live like husband and wife. Nobody looks at them like the evil, incestuous asswipes that they are. Nobody tells them they are wrong and what they are doing is disgusting. Everyone tells them how happy they are for them. So why rush it? It’s not like his current marriage is preventing them from going forward with their lives.

My lawyer is putting together my counter offer sometime this week. I’m a little worried about this because there were some issues I raised in my response to her and I’m expecting her to send me a copy to approve before she sends it out to his attorney. I reminded her that I wanted life insurance in there and proof of income each year. I’m also not willing to simply forget about all the damn money he spent on Harley the Whore and his new fake family. At the very least remind the sonofabitch about all of that! It will probably be another 2-3 weeks before I hear anything. Hell, his lawyer could go into labor and that would move everything back until at least August.

I so want this to be over but I don’t want to roll over and let him get away with paying practically nothing. I want to fight and yet I don’t really feel like I’m going to gain much of anything. I think my judge tends to sympathize with the men because he’s been on the paying end of alimony and child support. I’m hoping that he will impute his wages at what they were before he quit his 15 year job and that he will award me what I’m asking for but I’m not optimistic. I do know his child support will be higher than what CF offered to pay. My lawyer did point out that he was offering to pay for both of them until they both graduated, but it is for almost less than half of what he would be ordered to pay. Plus, if he continues to not pay his court ordered support maybe the judge will be pissed off enough to throw the book at him. He was 8 months behind when we went to court the first time. If he doesn’t pay anything else until our next court date he will be behind 7 months.

That’s about all that’s going on with me. Still living through divorce hell. Still working two jobs. Still getting up at 3:30 am most mornings and working 6 days a week most weeks. Still feeling like crap most of the time. Still not enjoying life or gaining a new life, although I have moments where I have tiny little bursts of optimistic thinking. I think I’m going into menopause, so that’s something new. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I’ve given up my plea for a massive heart attack or aneurysm; I’ve decided if I go early I would prefer a terminal illness so I have time to do whatever the hell I want without having to worry about consequences so that’s kinda positive, right? I mean, I’m taking a lingering terminal illness with definite future plans over a sudden death. Baby steps!

Kitty Has Some Claws

Meow! Rock Star has been cutting back on social media lately. She rarely posts on Facebook, using mainly SnapChat. But when a big holiday comes up she will generally acknowledge me and tag me in her post.

Not surprisingly this happened over this past weekend. She had a collage of pictures (and a very awful one of me with my eyes closed! Plus a lovely SnapChat video of me reacting to her frantic phone call only to ask me to get a bug out of her room.) and thanked me for being the best mom in the world.

I have unfriended most of CF’s family but Rock Star has not, so whenever she posts something like this they can see. The sister-in-law that has “reached out” a few times commented and wished me a Happy Mother’s Day. Then Tammy Faye’s sister wished me a Happy Mother’s Day as well and then commented on how beautiful Rock Star was.

Normally, my child ignores anyone from that side of the family. Why she doesn’t just unfriend them all I do not know. Instead she ignores them. She will like everyone else’s comments or reply back, but she completely ignores them.

Not yesterday. After the comment about how beautiful she is she replied with this little ditty: My mom is beautiful too, inside and out!

You see why I have such a freaking complex? They gush over the whore left and right, telling her how beautiful she is yet they never commented on my pictures like that. They will gush over a picture of my daughter (who is indeed absolutely beautiful) while she’s posing with me and say nothing about me. It’s enough to give me the vapors!

But yesterday kitty cat showed her claws. And no, I did not say a word to her about it. It came as a complete surprise to me. Thank you, Rock Star!

Another Mother’s Day In the Books

As you may recall I had my first D-Day Mother’s Day weekend. That was when CF finally decided to ‘fess up that he had been “texting” other women. Sadly, this is not uncommon. I think many cheaters take perverse delight in sabotaging absolutely everything they can.

I had two more Mother’s Days with him before the final nail in the coffin. I couldn’t really tell you what happened on either of those days. I seem to recall the last one he left it up to the kids to do their own thing. I probably got flowers. Maybe… He was probably already back in contact with Harley the whore so he was already beginning the discard.

I’d like to tell you that I had an amazing time on Mother’s Day last year but I honestly don’t remember what I did. I think we went to church and then maybe out to eat afterwards. I’m sure Rock Star bought me a gift.

I was kind of dreading the holiday this year. I’ve been dreading pretty much every holiday for almost a year now. But it was pretty decent. We had a full weekend, mostly celebrating my mom.

On Mother’s Day my brother and I took her out for brunch. My two kids came along, one of his and my other brother’s daughter came along as well. Rock Star had to work but the rest of us, minus my brother, ended up going to see a movie. Then we headed back to the house for a cookout.

I got candy and a gift card from Rock Star. I never got around to taking Picasso out to get me a gift so I struck out there.

I have to say I think I prefer my Mother’s Day celebrations without Cousinfucker over the ones with him. I think I was always expecting him to do something really nice for me and he usually couldn’t be bothered. He would usually send me flowers but that’s about as far as it would go. I was generally the one loading the kids in the car and heading down to my mom’s house for the day while he remained back at home, relaxing and doing his own thing.

Maybe it’s simply the fact that my kids are older now so they’re able to do things for me on their own, or I’m not craving some time to myself like I did when they were small.

Here’s to hoping for a few more pleasant Mother’s Day weekends.

Dissecting Jezebel (Oh, How I Wish!)

December 2014

This one should be fun. Jezebel and her “oversteps”. I often wonder if I’m transferring my rage and anger at my husband onto his sister. When you peel away everything that happened with Harley I suppose a wise woman would say that her husband is fully responsible and she blames no one except him. Oh, if only I were wise. You could also say that despite any fault she has in this I should ultimately be glad I no longer have to deal with her and that she’s out of my life. I don’t have to listen to her lies anymore. I don’t have to worry about her stabbing me in the back again. Because I’m done with her. And maybe in 2015 I can truly put any thoughts of her out of my mind. Unfortunately this is still 2014 so I’m going to write this down.

I’m not just pissed because she encouraged my husband to leave me for another woman. Oh no, this started even earlier. I like to say that her unbridled support for her brother’s infidelity and his whore was just the cherry on top of the shit sundae they both served me.

It started in 2012, probably even 2011, when she started her affair with her now 3rd husband and asked my husband to keep it a secret from me. I could be generous and believe she just didn’t want a lot of people to know, but I think he was telling her even then that he was unhappy and our marriage was dead. What does she do? She says, “Oh, you’re having problems? Then in that case you won’t mind keeping secrets from her, will you?” She goes to put even more distance between us. Keep my secrets. Don’t worry about your wife. Your first allegiance is to me, your sister, not your wife. Besides, your wife is on her way out anyway.

Fast forward to Easter of 2012. He tells me she wants to go out to dinner with him. Not me. Just him. She tells her mom it’s because they never get to spend any one on one time. I was understanding. Hell, I was remarkable in letting him go. Such a good wife. Such an accommodating sister-in-law. What’s wrong with siblings going out to dinner together, ditching their spouses? So I stay home with the kids and my mother-in-law, eating bologna sandwiches while they go out to eat a steak and spend some quality sibling time together, just the two of them.

The next day we go out for Easter and she tells me she’s getting a divorce. They’ve grown apart. He doesn’t understand why she’s grieved over the death of husband #1, the husband she left for husband #2. She wants all these different things (which amazingly her letter to the outgoing husband pretty much detailed the life she’s living now) and he’s jealous and thinks she’s cheating on him, and she believes now she married him because she had daddy issues. She’s looking forward to being on her own and she doesn’t think she’ll ever get married again.

About two weeks later my mother-in-law calls me and tells me she met Jezebel’s new friend. I ask what new friend. I mention it to my husband and that’s when he finally tells me he knows about him. In fact, he went to dinner with them while we were there. Yep, that’s right. The wife of 17 1/2 years is ditched at home while brother, sister, and sister’s new boyfriend (who she is somehow dating and yet not cheating on her husband with) all go out and have a grand ol’ time. Isn’t that special? And probably around that same time he mentions that she’s “been with” this guy for about a year before she asked for a divorce. Hence, the 2011 date.

Just a little sidebar: Zack and I weren’t supportive when she left her first husband for her second. In fact, we were pissed. But it wasn’t because of the affair. It was because of all the lies she (they) told. I HATE being lied to, and I wrote her a very long letter telling her exactly that. I told her I didn’t care what she did but I found all of the lies they were telling everyone disgusting and unfair. Face the music. Take your lumps. Don’t lie to everyone and try to get away with it, trying to convince everyone “it just happened” so he can keep his lavish lifestyle and you can step into his wife’s shoes and take over her life. I see she learned so much because once again she’s lying. And once again I don’t really give a shit that she’s once again cheating on her husband, but I have a huge problem with being lied to, especially when you go out of your way to tell that lie. You make me look like an idiot. And you make assumptions that I can’t be trusted, or that maybe I’ll be judgmental. Now back to the issues at hand.

What do we have so far? Secrets kept from me on behalf of his cheating sister. Going out to dinner with the cheaters while I’m left at home under a cloud of lies. Being fed a ton of shit about her divorce. Yep, I think that about sums it up. Then my husband loses his damn mind and honestly thinks that some whore he hasn’t seen in over 20 years is his soul mate. And what does his sister do? She encourages him to leave me. That’s what she does every time she gets unhappy. Come on, divorce isn’t that big of a deal. It’ll be fun. I’m looking forward to gaining a new sister.

Oh, I’m sure she’d say she was just being supportive of her brother, and that she never actually told him to leave. Hell, she almost convinced me she had encouraged him to try to save our marriage. Almost. I thankfully remembered how I had said those same words to Zack and he never said she said anything supportive of our marriage. And he was desperate to maintain a relationship with her at that time. No, I think the most she would ever cop to is being supportive of her brother, telling him he deserved to be happy and should do whatever it takes, and letting him know she would support him with whatever he decided to do.

But here’s the thing. He had been telling her for probably over a year that he was unhappy with me. He told her Harley made him happy. She asked him if he loved her and he said yes, he thought so. So when she’s telling him to do what makes him happy she’s basically telling him to be with Harley. Afterall, he deserves it. Do what makes you happy. Harley makes you happy. Leave your wife who doesn’t make you happy and be with the one who does. It works the same way with her telling him she’ll support whatever decision he makes. Why would you even need to be supported in staying with your spouse? She’s telling him that if he leaves me for another woman she’ll be there for him. And because in Jezebel’s world you never have random affairs it makes sense that she figures he’s going to leave, get a divorce, and marry his whore. That’s how she does it. She decides she’s no longer happy with the current husband and starts up an affair with the future husband. Then she divorces the current husband and marries her cheating partner. And that’s the route she figured my husband would take. Unhappy with me. Have an affair with Harley. Divorce me. Marry Harley. And sweet Jezebel would be there for him through it all. But don’t piss on my leg and try to tell me it’s raining. She was never a friend to my marriage; she wasn’t there to support Zack in fighting for our marriage or to encourage him to make it work with me. She was a supporter of Zack and Harley. She was a supporter of their affair. She was there to tell him he didn’t need to feel guilty about leaving his wife for another woman.

Finally, after trying to divide us with secrets, ditching me while the happy triad had a great time, feeding me lies so I look like an idiot, and supporting my husband, his whore, and their affair, she criticizes the way I spend money. Says I spend frivolously. Now granted I’m sure Zack complained about making over $170k and having nothing to show for it. But it was none of her damn business. I’m his wife. Everything he earns is mine. It’s not like he was at war, fighting for our country, while unbeknownst to him I illegally used his bank account as my personal ATM. No, that would have been her. It’s also not as though I continuously told my kids we didn’t have money for them to do things, money to buy them clothes, or money to provide them with Christmas presents while I was lavished with gifts and Lasik surgery, and trips. No, again that would be her. In fact, I was quite generous with his parents. I was even occasionally generous with her. Most of his money went to pay household bills, buy food, clothe our children, buy Christmas gifts and birthday gifts, and pay for gymnastics and hockey. I wasn’t off buying a new wardrobe every month. I wasn’t going to the spa, or getting my nails done, or getting pedicures all the time. I bought some new clothes when it was apparent I was too fat to fit into my old ones. I got my hair done every 6 weeks at around $100 a pop. I would occasionally get a pedicure. Or have nails for a few months. I wasn’t out wasting “his” money. I used our money to support our kids. Again- not her business. Maybe she needs to learn the phrase: I don’t want to be in the middle of this.

Honestly, at this point she’s done so much to hurt me outside of supporting his affair, that I’m not sure I could have forgiven her anyway. Like I said, that was just the cherry on top of the shit sundae.

What He Should Have Said

December 2014

Still having a hard time wrapping my mind around my anniversary and my husband’s conversation with his sister. And can I preface this by saying when I’m actually with my husband and we’re spending time together I’m fine. It’s when I have lots of free time to think and dwell on all of this that I become enraged. And let’s face it: I have lots and lots of free time because I moved 2000 miles away from all of my friends and everything I was involved in to support him in gallivanting around the country in order to grab his dream job. So I have no friends and nothing to keep me busy, and therefore lots of time to think bad thoughts about all of this.

My first thought is this: Does he ever get tired of throwing me under the bus? I mean, ffs, he spent God only knows how long telling his sister how miserable he was with me; then he spent considerable time telling her how happy he was with his lying little slut and how he loved her. I think I got a one sentence reprieve the day he supposedly ended it with the whore: I’m going to work things out with my wife. Wow- no, “I’m madly in love with her and she’s the one I’ve always wanted,” or “I can’t believe what a jackass I was and how I almost threw away the love of my life for a lying, manipulative whore!” No, just a short sentence letting her know he was going to do the righteous thing and wait out his sentence with me. And when she whines about me to him he immediately begs her forgiveness and says he never should have tried to be happy. How so, my darling husband? Do you mean you realize Harley the Whore is your true soul mate and you’re simply destined to a life of misery with me but you never should have fought it and attempted to be happy with her? You should have just accepted a miserable life with me? Do you mean that you’re not happy with me, have never been happy with me and realize you’ll never be happy with me and you’re accepting that? Let’s think about this for a moment. You told your sister you felt like nothing more than a paycheck and a handyman, and that we lived like roommates. You then told her you were having an affair with Harley, you loved her and she made you happy, and you wanted to marry her. Jezebel, of course, is completely on board with this and vows to give you her unconditional support. Then you abruptly end things with the soul mate and tell her you’re working things out with me. No fanfare. Just a simple statement. And now you are once again implying you are unhappy. Because I don’t make you happy like your little whore that sent you naked pictures and told you how she’d suck your dick every day once you left me? Baby Jesus wept! Do you really think that’s the impression you want to give to your pro infidelity sister? Not to mention I was very clear that you were not to discuss any martial problems with her. While I realize we’re not having problems you are certainly making it seem that way to the patron saint of infidelity.

Here’s an idea. Instead of telling her you’re so sorry for ruining her relationship with me and how you never should have tried to be happy maybe you should have gone with something like: I’m sorry I ruined your relationship with her. If I hadn’t been a dumbass, willing to toss aside my wife and kids for a deceitful, manipulative whore who promised me mind blowing sex and sent me naked pictures, you would never have been in this situation. But I did, and you, Jezebel, were my biggest supporter. You were fully on board with me cheating and leaving my wife. You told me the only thing that mattered was what made me happy because I deserved it. My wife knows the part you played and no, she’s not happy. But if you’re going to be mad at anyone be mad at me. Hell, if you’re honest with yourself it’s not as though I had to beg you to support me. You were there immediately; you jumped in with both feet, no questions asked. You never once thought of my wife and what this might do to her. Never once thought of my kids and what a divorce might do to them. I do realize that wasn’t your responsibility; it was mine. But let’s not rewrite history and act like you were forced, kicking and screaming, to support me. I’m sure you thought I’d leave her and marry Harley. Sorry to disappoint you and leave you with egg on your face. I came to my senses.

And let me tell you another thing. If you want to bitch about my wife you bitch to someone else because I have her back. I’m going to support her like she’s supported me these last 20 years. She’s been by my side, cheering me on, believing in me, when no one else was around. She’s moved all over the country with me; she’s left her family behind. She’s held our family together and raised our kids when I’ve checked out. She could have left me when she found out but she chose to swallow her pride and work on this together. She took responsibility for her own failures in our relationship even when I half heartedly confessed back in May. The Saint told her the truth about us and how we had been lying to her for months, the day of our daughter’s birthday party, 6 days after her stepfather died, and 2 days before she had to get on a plane and be there for her mother. She put a smile on her face and made sure our kid had an amazing day even though she was dying inside, thinking I was going to leave her, that I was going to choose Harley. And then she got on that plane and she went to be with her mother and her family and she kept my dirty little secret, never telling any of them. Do you have any idea how difficult that was? She’s getting shit from her family for constantly being on the phone with me because I’m falling apart and we’re trying to work things out, and she never tells them what’s really going on. She just continued to try to balance us both. I don’t ever have to be around her family wondering if they hate me for what I’ve done because they don’t know. I don’t ever have to worry about things being awkward and them holding it against me because she protected me and kept it to herself. She, on the other hand, has to be around everyone in our family who knows what I did. She has to wonder if they think she’s stupid for staying, if they blame her for being a shitty wife because, let’s face it, I wouldn’t have strayed if she’d been a better wife. She has to contend with the fact that all of you continue to have a relationship with the woman with whom I cheated on her. She didn’t want to go to home with me this Christmas and face humiliation but she did it because she loves me and she loves her kids and she knew how important it was to us, especially to me. She sucked it up and faced everyone who knows I’ve cheated on her. I’m sure it wasn’t easy but she did it. For me.

She’s been there for me when I’ve been practically catatonic. She’s been there through all my anxiety issues. She’s begged me to get help. She’s made appointments for me, attended appointments with me, encouraged me, and patiently waited for me to want to get better because she knows she can’t do it for me. She’s put up with me opting out of family outings, never going with her, never wanting to show her affection, kicking her out of our bed for almost 8 years, never wanting to go out with friends, not helping out with the kids. She puts up with me when I’m feeling sorry for myself. She ate the show lettuce at a company dinner because I did and she didn’t want me to look stupid. She’s my rock when I’m falling apart. She’s there day after day supporting me, cheering me on, comforting me. Where are you? You got married and you no longer needed me, couldn’t be bothered to text anymore. I spent $500 to fly to your wedding because it was so important to you that I be there and you barely spent 5 minutes with me that entire weekend. I almost missed the damn thing because you sent me out for a liquor run. I’m in none of the pictures and if she’s being honest my wife to this day doesn’t fully believe I was there instead of with Harley. My wife gave up all of her friends, everything she was involved in and moved 2000 miles across the country for me, so I could take my dream job. And she hates it. She’s miserable but she doesn’t say anything because she doesn’t want me to feel guilty. You, on the other hand, couldn’t be bothered to drive 10 minutes to have a cup of coffee with me the last time I flew home. And that was on my own dime, not the company’s. I tell you I’m worried about my brother who is in critical condition and I get a one sentence reply from you hours later. And yet you still try to turn and twist it like anything that is wrong between us is due to my wife. She’s not the problem, Jezebel. You are. Don’t ever bitch about her to me, expecting me to take your side, because I won’t. She’s my wife. I love her. She is the love of my life, my partner, the mother of my children. She is the one that has held our family together. I have learned things about her and all that she does to make our lives better and more comfortable and I am in complete awe of her. I can’t imagine my life without her and I am so extremely grateful she gave me another chance instead of kicking me out and divorcing me. So bitch all you want but don’t do it around me. If I have to choose between my wife and my sister I will choose my wife every time.

Now THAT would be what I consider having my back. I wish one day he’d do that for me instead of always taking everyone else’s side. He did it for Jezebel. He did it for Harley. When that little whore came sniffing around, whining about not being able to do this anymore, he let her. He didn’t stand up for me. He was more concerned with her and her feelings. He felt sorry for her because “he’d led her on”. Oh please. Maybe you should have been a little more concerned about me because you FUCKING CHEATED ON ME! I think making it up to your wife is just a little more important than looking out for your whore’s fee fees. Obviously he doesn’t feel that way.

More of Sam’s Epic Meltdown On the Hot Mess Express

This was a fun time in my life, folks. Cousinfucker was melting down, thanks to Blockhead. Looking back on it I was melting down as well. 

It’s not easy to start all over. It’s especially not easy to start all over when you’ve moved 2000 miles across the country and know you’re a mere six hours from the whore. Add in the fact that I knew we had moved to Whoreville because he set the wheels in motion during his first affair with her, and that I felt like everyone was ganging up on me (can it be called a feeling if it’s actually happening?) and you’ve got one hell of a storm. A storm that obviously CF had no control over and did not contribute to any way.

December 2014

Ugh! I’m in a pissy mood. Thinking more about our anniversary, our fucked up, glorious milestone, 20 year anniversary. It pisses me off. I keep asking myself, “What is it exactly that we’re celebrating?” I figure anyone can make it 20 years if you’re allowed to date other people. Nothing special about that. And I don’t think there’s anything remarkable about celebrating 20 years together when only a year and an half prior to that anniversary you were telling everyone who would listen that you wanted to be free of your wife and marry another woman. Telling everyone you’re madly in love, blissfully happy, and have finally found your soul mate… And it’s not your wife! Oh yes, let’s celebrate! Celebrate the fact that after tossing me aside for some whore you finally pulled your head out of your ass and decided to pick me back up. I guess I’ll keep her. Wow- if that doesn’t give me the crotch tingles I don’t know what will.

I think I’m going to tell him I don’t want to celebrate our anniversary anymore. It always leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I feel okay leading up to it and then I spend weeks raging about it. If my fingers weren’t so damn fat I’d take my rings off, too. He gave me those as a promise. He broke his promise. Why would I want to wear the ring anymore? What was the vow? I give you this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness. Faithfulness. Not as a sign that I want to fuck you right now but I reserve the right to fuck my whore of a cousin one of these days. I’ll get a plain band to wear instead. I think plain gold says more, “I give you this ring as a sign of my temporary fidelity. If someone I think is better comes along I reserve the right to want to marry her and humiliate you.” That’s what he’s going for, right? Something sweet but not too permanent or committed.

I would love to know how far along they got in the planning stages. Did she pick out a ring or did they just talk about what kind she wanted? Did they set a date? Did she ask his sister to be her matron of honor since she was such a supporter of their illicit relationship? Did she have the church and reception hall booked, or just picked out? Ah yes, the questions every wife is asking about her husband’s whore for their 20th anniversary.

Well, this day is ruined.

Home State Visit Report


December 2014

So much to report from our visit to his home state. 1. His sister remains a self centered bitch. She told her son to get a picture of him with my husband and another one of him with my kids. Yeah, I don’t think so, bitch. Your days of dividing and conquering are over. They are a package deal with me. You can have a relationship with my kids independent of me once they turn 18. And be forewarned: When they turn 18 I will have no problem telling them exactly why I no longer have a relationship with you. You encouraged their father to leave me. You remain friends with his whore to this day. 2. I still need to have a conversation with my husband about him throwing me under the bus. I’m not letting her get away with this shit. She is not the victim here and I refuse to let her twist this up so she’s the poor hapless victim. 3. I saw my husband’s nephew, the one that was going to tattoo the whore for him. Didn’t say a word to him, barely looked at him. I was not so much nervous as just plain dreading seeing him, but it went OK and I don’t think anyone was the wiser. I find it sad because I always enjoyed talking to him and now there’s nothing. Good job, Harley! Another relationship destroyed. 4. Seeing my in-laws was a mixed bag. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. They’re very loving towards me. I do love them. But it kills me that it totally escapes them that having a relationship with my husband’s mistress might cause me pain. I think that’s just one of those things where you have to accept that they’ll never get it, and you can either hold it against them or, well, accept it, I suppose. I’m on the fence. I really don’t know how this is going to work. I know my daughter asked if we could come visit more since we lived closer. 5. I had the wonderful experience of driving by Whore Town. I almost asked my dear husband if we should stop but he was so pitiful with his anxiety that I couldn’t twist the knife. See? I really am a nice person. I’m sure I’ll have more to add later.

Sam’s Epic Christmas Meltdown


December 2014

Oh you sonofabitch and fucking bitch! I had the “privilege” of reading my husband’s text to his sister. She started off by wishing him a Merry Christmas, I believe, and mentioning that she had heard we’d be down there but they’d be in Florida. Shocker. Then she goes on to tell him she sent me a friend request but I declined it “so I’m done reaching out now.” Really, you fucking bitch? WHAT exactly have you done to “reach out” besides sending me a self serving friend request a year and a half after you FUCKING ENCOURAGED MY HUSBAND TO LEAVE ME FOR HIS WHORE???? I would really love to know. Was it when I told you you should call your brother the night I was refusing to come home when I found out he planned on marrying the whore and you said you were sorry for your part in all of this? Or when you would patronize me with your “I understand,” comments whenever I would voice my hurt at what was done? That’s some stellar reaching out.

Then my asshole of a husband goes on to APOLOGIZE for ruining her relationship with me. Tells her it’s all his fault and, oh, how I love this part, he never should have tried to be happy. Thanks, honey! So glad to hear I’m your penance. Tells her he’s heavily medicated and she’s been a wonderful sister and so supportive.

The best part? She still hasn’t answered him back. Yes, let’s kiss her ass, throw me under the fucking bus, and after bitching about how self centered she is and how she’s never there for him tell her she’s just the best thing ever and it’s all my fault!

Sonofabitch! I’m seriously thinking of leaving his ass once again. Hey, Harley Buttwipe Whoreface, your soul mate may be on the market! That’s probably not nearly as intoxicating as stealing another woman’s husband but a soul mate is a soul mate, right?

I’m so fucking tempted to text his bitch of a sister and tell her I’m giving her the best Christmas gift ever- a divorce! Now you can call your brother’s whore and tell her he’s available and get the two of them together. Then you can have your fantastic family get togethers with your “new sister!” and everyone can rejoice that they got rid of me, the horrible evil wife.


Present Day Sam Says: I freely admit that this was not a nice entry.  I was pissed!  However, I’m not sure it really rises to “cheat on your wife” upsetting.

Here’s the best part though. Blockhead was feeding him information. He was telling him what I had written. I can see in black and white the word “divorce” and the phrase, “I’m seriously thinking of leaving his ass once again.” My question is, did Blockhead see any of the words preceding that? I’m painted as the bitch because I’m legitimately upset and yet the whole, “Throw Sam under the bus” bullshit is completely ignored.

It’s like me being extremely hurt by the fact Jezebel is acting like she is the poor put upon victim means nothing. Let’s gloss over that and concentrate on Sam being angry. Let’s ignore the part where Sam writes about her husband telling his sister he never should have tried to be happy. None of that should matter. The only pertinent parts of this entry are the ones where Sam is going off the rails. How can you not see the pain and insecurity in that post?

The answer is easy. He was never my friend and he was actively campaigning against me.

In the end it doesn’t matter. They all got what they wanted. I’m gone. Harley’s in my place. They’re all happy.

Help: Technical Question!

I’m hoping someone can help me with this. My stupid computer was being stupid so I had to shut it off. Ever since I haven’t been able to do anything on WordPress except read my posts and comment on other people’s blogs. At first I could view my stats and draft posts and the only problem was not being able to write new posts. Now I can do nothing except what I listed above.

I even signed into my Gmail account on my computer thinking I might not be signed in but, like I said, I can comment on other blogs as myself so I should be signed in.

If anyone can shed some light on this I will love you forever!